A Story About Little Lucas

“But what about ME?! I WANT TO BE IN THE STORY!”

Lately, I’ve been noticing a reaction among certain commenter groups when it comes to my writing. Every single time I write something about women, I have a group of men who make it about themselves — either via a “men have this too,” or by trying to say, “but what about…?”

I’m not going to lie. This is a major pet peeve of mine that often makes me rethink talking to people when it happens in real life. All those comments have been giving me a flashback that I wasn’t expecting to have, and I think it’s about time we talk about it.

Let me tell you about my brief time in kids’ karate class with a kid by the name of Lucas. I don’t think most men realize how often they end up sounding like him.

Lucas was a child that we could tell had…problems.

For a short period of time, I was in a kids’ karate class. I was interested in it until it became too monotonous. Then I dropped out. Yet, there were moments that I still remember despite being a hyperactive, non-athletic kid.

Such was the case with the story of little Lucas.

Lucas was the same age as all of us (I think we were around 10 or so back then), but he didn’t really seem like it. He was immature and was prone to tantrums. In fact, I’m pretty sure his mom was “tantrum’d” into putting him in these classes.

His mom looked like she was on the verge of tears whenever she’d pick him up. Of course, when she dropped him off, she looked genuinely happy and relaxed. I really could tell that she regretted having this kid — and I couldn’t blame her.

The problem with Lucas is that he had to have everything be about him, and he always had to win.

Lucas could not stand not being the center of attention. When we’d be asked to try different moves, Lucas had to receive praise or he’d cry. When we’d spar, Lucas had to win or he’d stop and insist it was “not fair.”

Worse, he wouldn’t let the loss go and would make a scene until the teacher relented and said he won. It just ate into class time and got to the point that the teacher was debating if he should even spar.

Eventually, no one wanted to be his training partner. We actively avoided him and looked a bit disappointed when his mom dropped him off. I remember one of the other kids, a boy, say, “Man, I hate him. He’s so annoying.”

It all came to a head during story time.

Our karate class had three parts: warm-ups, learning/demonstration/spar time, and then story time. Storytime was meant to give us knowledge and wisdom on self-defense, perseverance, and other good values. I obviously liked storytime.

This time, our teacher was telling us a story about perseverance. It was about Adam the Ant.

Lucas interrupted, “I wanna be in the story.”

The teacher said, “You’re not in the story. Anyway, Adam — ”

Lucas began to sniffle and make a face like he was going to burst into tears. The teacher sighed, and asked him why he was making that face.

“Because I’m not in the story.”

Everyone around him groaned. This did not seem to phase Lucas. The teacher relented and said, “Fine. Adam had a friend named Lucas the ant. Then someone squished him.”

“NOOOOOO! I REALLY WANNA BE IN THE STORY! WHAT ABOUT ME?” he yowled. Even at 10 years old, this kind of behavior was really, really immature.

Another kid, Gregory*, said, “You know, not everything has to be about you, Lucas. I wanna hear the story about Adam the Ant!”

Lucas then moaned, “But I wanna be in the STORRRRYYYYYYY!”

Tears began to fall. The teacher relented and told the story of Lucas the Ant. The kids glared at him, angered that the couldn’t even have a story not featuring him.

Lucas was happy after the story, but everyone else was just fuming. He ruined story time but got what he wanted. After the story finished, we all went to the changing rooms.

As one kid entered, he said, “Maybe I should whine like Lucas does. It obviously gets him what he wants.”

Upon hearing that, the karate teacher knew what had to be done.

I got into a conversation with some of the girls in the class, so I came out about three minutes late. As I stepped out into the main room, I noticed Lucas and his mom talking to the teacher. His mom looked like she was about to cry.

“Please, just give him another chance,” she said.

The karate teacher shook his head no, “Absolutely not. I have tried, multiple times, to talk to Lucas privately about his behavior. He makes everything about him and doesn’t let anyone focus on their own problems.”

“What if I paid you more?” she asked.

“No means no, Mrs. Soprano*. For the sake of my other students, I cannot have him in class. His attitude is starting to rub off on other students. I’m sorry, but he is not welcome here anymore. I’ll refund you the rest of your prepaid classes,” he said.

The teacher then noticed me awkwardly staring at them. He switched up and acted super happy, “Have a good one, Ossiana!”

Me: “Uhhhh. Ok.”

Lucas’s mom grabbed Lucas, her face barely hiding her rage, and dragged him out the door. I didn’t have to be there to realize that Lucas was going to get a hell of a talking to…or that his mom would have a meltdown that would make Deena Lohan’s look normal.

Lucas never came back.

The story of Lucas is one that I feel many people forget as they get older.

Sometimes, women (and femme-presenting people) just want to talk about female struggles without hearing how “men have it bad too.” Sometimes men want to talk about male struggles without women saying “but what about women?”

Every story does not have to be about men or involve them tangentially. Too many men aren’t willing to listen, but are willing to ask why we’re not talking about them.

You can expect the same result as Lucas got. The very thing that Lucas wanted was to be paid attention to by everyone and to occasionally get praise. What he did by trying to force it out of people was what ended up getting him kicked out.

There are few things that are as off-putting as someone who only talks about themselves. It doesn’t just gross people out. It also drowns out important talks (like story time) and causes people to shun you.

When it comes to attention, people tend to see things the same way. Don’t get my drift? Toby Keith explained it best: I like talking about you, you, you, but occasionally, I wanna talk about me!

So please, guys. Don’t be a Lucas.