A Simple Tip Helped Me Manage My Anxiety About Coronavirus

COVID-19 made my anxiety about death and disease worse. So I turned to an exercise that my therapist suggested months ago.

A few months before the stay-at-home order, I talked to my therapist about this nagging sense of doom I’d been feeling. It wasn’t anything in particular. I have OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) so I’ve always had some anxiety about touching surfaces, washing hands, and using public restrooms. I also tend to fixate on things; words, body language, the tone and tenor of phone conversations. But this was something else. I explained to the therapist that it felt like things suddenly felt out of control — I couldn’t come to terms with the fact that I’d probably have to live with a visible disability (I suffer from psychogenic seizures and a sub-type of POTS syndrome called Neurally Mediated Hypotension) or get my head about what this meant for my marriage. Now, there was an infectious disease spreading around the world.

I was terrified.

My therapist leaned forward and handed me a piece of paper. She always did this to remind me that my thoughts influenced my beliefs, which in turn influenced by actions, which in turn influenced my behaviours, and so on. That is the entire premise of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. But this time, it was different.

“If you’re worrying so much,” she said, “here’s something you can do.”

The task she made me do was simple. I had to take a piece of paper and draw a column. On one side, I was to record ‘Productive worry’ i.e. things that I concerned me and I could act on and resolve on that day. On the other side, I was record ‘Unproductive worry’ i.e. things that concerned me that I had no control over.

Anxiety is not an all or nothing disorder. Of course, all of us tend to worry. We are only human. I have this paralyzing fear that I might lose Dan in a plane crash. Whenever he travels, I beg him for his flight details so that I can follow his flight route on Flight Stats. I worry about that I will lose my daughter even when she’s right in front of me — and doing okay. At any point of the day my mind is a whirlwind, moving at the speed of light, destroying everything in its path, becoming stronger each time it finds fertile soil. I tend to linger over conversations I’ve had with my parents about their retirement, imagine the worst happening to my family, and feel terribly sad when I think about the future.

So when I decided to do this exercise, I didn’t think much of it. But it eventually changed the way I think. I stopped mulling over things for hours and hours. I stopped feeling weighed down and anxious all the time. I don’t expect this to work for everyone, but these are some things I wrote down (for myself) this week. If you want to give it a shot at home, go ahead.

Unproductive worry:

a) Germs. Germs. Germs. b) What if someone I love gets Coronavirus? c) My hair thinning and graying d) Okay. But what if someone I love gets Coronavirus and dies? e) What if I can never get another job? f) Will I be able to walk again?

Productive worry:

a) Do we have enough baby formula and produce to last the week? b) Not doing enough exercise c) Pitch and writing deadlines d) Do we have enough OTC medicines if one of us falls sick? e) Did I take the right dose of my medicine today?

Whenever I find my mind wandering, I pull up anything near me — my phone, a sheet of paper or my laptop — and write it down. It’s helped me process my thoughts and shut out intrusions. Whether or not you’ve decided to try this exercise, it’s important to know that anxiety can make us feel powerless sometimes, especially in times like these.

The truth is, it’s possible to take back the power.