A simple principle for a more fulfilled life
What it actually means to practice affirmations.
Affirmations are becoming more and more popular recently alongside practices like manifestation and the law of attraction. In a way, these are all part of the same bundle, and to the uninitiated, this bundle may seem quite spacey and mysterious. I have answered the question of why you should practice affirmations before, but I realize now that there is a general lack of clarity around what exactly an affirmation is.
It is not a new concept though it has been repackaged and rebranded; people have been praying for millennia. At the core of the concept of affirmations is an assertion that the words we think and speak matter, even if there is no one to hear them. Our actions matter, even if there is no one watching.
It doesn’t really matter what we call it, everyone practices affirmations to some extent or other. To achieve anything, we must first define the object we wish to achieve and then take action towards it. Both of those steps towards achievement are affirmative in nature (as opposed to negative). They require positive definition — this is what I want — and they require positive action — this is what I am doing to get what I want.
An affirmation is that which is constructive, creative, positive, and active as opposed to destructive, critical, negative, and passive. The world is built on affirmations, sometimes we must tear down old structures in order to build new ones, however, in that process the focus is most productively placed on that which is to replace the old, rather than the problems with the old. Otherwise, we are just destroying and tearing down for the sake of destroying and tearing down, an attitude and approach which ultimately — surprise — terminates in destruction.
So, regardless of what we may think about affirmations, we are all engaged in them to some extent or other. The practice of affirmations is really a practice of making this process more conscious, and we do so through cultivating positive emotions that, in turn, serve as an impetus for positive action.
Examples of positive emotions include things like excitement, joy, inspiration, affection, gratitude, enthusiasm, confidence, admiration, and love. There are many more besides these and many shades to each. It might be worthwhile to distinguish positive emotion from sensation; not everything that “feels” good is necessarily good for us. Case in point, substance abuse. I think the distinction can be summed up like this: emotion is an inside-out experience whereas sensation is an outside-in experience.
To make things clearer, here are some very concrete suggestions for ways to cultivate positive emotions:
Confront someone about something!
A positive social interaction is not necessarily an interaction in which everyone is nauseatingly positive, it can be an interaction that brings clarity to a relationship and either deepens a bond or exposes toxicity. So many times, uncertainty with regards to the people who surround us takes on a life of its own, and if we are overthinkers or particularly vulnerable to negative emotions this quickly becomes a negative spiral.
As an example:
“Maya didn’t smile at me today — she always smiles — did I do something wrong? — I did something wrong — What did I do? — Was it the thing I said to Carl the other day? — Maya definitely hates me — life is so complicated — the world really sucks.”
Maybe Maya does hate you, but it’s more likely that Maya didn’t smile at you because of something that’s going on in her life. It's easy, for those who struggle with negative emotion, to be caught in such negative thought spirals, but the solution can be as simple as asking if they are “okay”. Maybe our friends need our support? Or maybe we need to apologize for something? Or maybe we need to clear up some miscommunication?
Confrontation can be unpleasant, but even little wounds can become infected and fester, and that is far more unpleasant, which is why it is better to confront people to resolve uncertainties we might have.
Of course, positive social interaction can also be doing stuff you enjoy with people you enjoy, or something as simple as sharing a smile or a nod with a stranger.
Go outside!
I feel like this one is fairly self-evident, being outside is good for so many reasons:
1. Being outside generally means being passively active, which is a form of exercise that typically is not stressful and therefore very good for us even in large doses.
2. Sunlight helps us produce vitamin D, regulate our circadian rhythm and serotonin levels, increase blood flow through the release of nitric oxide, stimulate positive associations, and promotes general wellbeing through all of these mechanisms.
3. Psychologically, being confined to small spaces over long periods of time can be very stressful without us even realizing it is stressing us.
4. Familiarity makes us feel safe. Evolutionarily speaking, nature is much more familiar than our concrete cages.
Dance, run, climb, skip, swim, paddle, ski, lift, flip… clean your room!
“Mens sana in corpore sano / A healthy mind lives in a healthy body” — Juvenal
Not only is exercise healthy for us with regards to our weight, energy, disease prevention, sexual drive, and more, it also leaves us with a sense of accomplishment that accumulates over time. It is not enough to “think happy thoughts” we must embody them. If we take a moment to envision ourselves as we think we might be in a world where we are truly happy and fulfilled, are we sedentary and lethargic in that world, or vibrant and full of energy, movement, and vitality?
It is dangerous, however, to be caught up in a cycle of exercising because “we are not good enough”. When we feel like we are never good enough exercise can quickly become a mentally and physically taxing thing because we always feel like we are not doing enough or pushing ourselves hard enough. The positive sense of accomplishment is replaced with a kind of frustration and desperation that cannot be satisfied.
For this reason, I emphasize in my own training that I do not train in order to “become good enough,” but rather to celebrate the strength, life, and health that already exists. It's amazing what our bodies can do, and it's even more amazing how quickly they adapt to the challenges we present them with.
It’s a simple change in perspective, but it makes an enormous difference over time psychologically.
Meditate or take a nap!
A lot of the time negative thoughts are spiraling in our minds simply because we are tired or overwhelmed. Simply disconnecting and taking some time to let our minds figure out their priorities can have tremendous benefits. Naps are known to improve both neurological and cardiovascular health.
Stress, fear, and anxiety are typically sensations that demand action; they demand we escape or otherwise terminate the threat. If we can be still, and in that stillness experience safety, that removes some of the pressure of these emotions and makes space for positive emotions.
Magic!
Verbal affirmations are about reminding ourselves that we have things to be happy about, things to be grateful for, things to be enthusiastic about, and an abundance of real and substantial opportunities no matter how bad our lives or the world around us might seem. And it is true! Here are examples of verbal affirmations one might speak out loud or think to oneself whenever one might need such a reminder.
“I am grateful for the people that surround me” — this could refer to our family members or friends that make our lives better somehow, or it could refer to a colleague that makes our work easier or a cashier who is nice beyond the call of duty, or the people farming so that we can eat sweet potatoes or bananas where we are at. The list of people to be grateful for is endless.
“I am capable of…” — capable of making it through each minute and each hour, capable of meeting the challenges that I am met with, capable of making it as far as I have made it in my life, capable of going through difficult situations and coming out alive, capable of growing, capable of learning and so forth.
“I am competent…”
“I am strong…”
“I am beautiful…”
“I love the world…”
“I am excited for…”
“I appreciate the opportunity to…”
And so forth.
The power of these affirmations increases with specificity and sincerity.
The better we become at noticing things we can be grateful for, the more things we will have to be grateful for and the more motivated we will be to move forwards in a way that encourages gratitude in our lives. The same is true for any emotion we might think to cultivate through verbal affirmations.