A Series of Unfortunate Events

The Word Collector — part 14 — Harlots, Stochastic Parrots, And The Devil’s Cufflinks

This is the latest in a series of articles about new words and phrases, specimens collected during expeditions into the unexplored deepest, darkest reaches of the literary wilderness, for your anticipation, amusement, and amazement.

Since you are probably far more knowledgeable and brighter than me, (which doesn’t narrow down the field very much), if you already know some or all of these specimens already, please feel welcome to “tut” condescendingly, or roll your eyes, with the familiar expression of Mrs. Pearce on discovering something I don’t know, as though dealing with a complete imbecile. Enjoy.

HOLAC — an acronym meaning the House of Lords Appointments Committee, it has been much in the news in the UK this week due to the byzantine workings of UK politics, whereby the prime minister, present or past, is allowed to hand out awards to people who have given outstanding service to the nation. At least that was the idea of the awards, but the process has become widely abused, with some just using the system to reward those who have done political favours.

The latest froth is over a list of people former Prime Minister Boris Johnson wanted to reward for outstanding failure, sycophancy, and cronyism, some of whom were seemingly blocked by the committee as patently unsuitable and then resigned as Members of Parliament (MPs) in a hissy fit.

The system has been so corrupted that the awards (which are of a title or place in the House of Lords if someone has been exceptionally corrupt) are often dished out routinely as a return for people who have made a donation to the ruling party. Our politics has been bought. A sad epitaph for our nation, and the debasement of democracy which had such promise as a concept. Power and money corrupt, absolute power and money corrupt absolutely. Tragic.

satisficement — this term, which really upsets Grammarly so is a bonus buy, cropped up in a Guardian article about Google AI-enhanced search, and apparently means when we are served up something that, while not perfect, is good enough to more or less satisfy what we want, something that does the job.

An example of satisficement might be the prospective new Prime Minister should the Labour Party not miss an open goal at the next General Election, their leader Keir Starmer. He comes across as very decent, full of integrity which we badly need at the moment, but a little wooden in his delivery as an orator — he may not set the world on fire or have an alternative career as a stand-up comic, but after a couple of recent UK Prime Ministers anything would be better, satisficement personified if you like.

Another example might be the UK weather, which for about three months of the year achieves a state of satisficement before winter returns. Mustn’t grumble — but I will all the same. It makes life bearable.

calash –calash is one of those words which bizarrely has two rather different meanings — a light low-wheeled carriage with a removable folding hood, a two-wheeled one-horse vehicle with a seat for the driver on the splashboard, or alternatively a woman’s hooped silk hood. Best not to get them mixed up, though the concept of a hood is the general drift of the word. This is from the book “Everyone Brave is Forgiven” by Chris Cleave, which I am currently reading.

“As thin as a harlot’s excuse” — the expression is a new one for me, and after my usual extensive research, after a few minutes, I cannot find a reasonable definition — why a harlot one wonders? Why did she have to make excuses? I would like to consult Medium’s hive mind on this one. Does anyone know the origin of the expression enough to answer this one? It is from the book “Everyone Brave is Forgiven”.

soliloquy — OK, you probably knew this one already, and I think I did once, but these days I forget more things faster than I learn them, so needed to look it up again, so I can forget it tomorrow. It means an act of speaking one’s thoughts aloud when by oneself or regardless of any hearers, especially by a character in a play, or a part of a play. From the book “Everyone Brave is Forgiven”.

Philippic — a bitter attack or denunciation, especially a verbal one. As in: “On learning that she was not going to be made a Dame by HOLAC, Nadine Dorries launched into a Philippic.” OK — I made that up, but it illustrates the word well. The word cropped up in the book “Everyone Brave is Forgiven”.

ria — I was down in Salcombe (South Coast of the UK) with work this week, and picked up a local brochure that contained this gem, possibly familiar to students of geography. Salcombe is a place so stunningly beautiful, that on my first visit, my jaw was on the floor for a couple of hours, and as a result of this outstanding pulchritude, is often quoted as being the most expensive postcode in England. Sadly the visit was not to my holiday home, though when my Medium earnings hit the jackpot I can still dream. Bury me there — it is the only way I will be able to afford to stay.

So to belatedly get to the definition, a ria is a long, narrow inlet formed by the partial submergence of a river valley. Salcombe sits on such a ria and is one of my favourite places ever. Not to be confused with rhea which is one for the birds.

canon events — this expression was discovered reading a “Guardian” article about a new trend on Tiktok, a reminder as ever that I really must try and keep up with the modern world. These are apparently a series of unfortunate events, something I could immediately empathise with, as it seems to encapsulate my life so well! The Guardian article describes the expression as follows:

“The universal human experience of regretfully pondering the things that could have been different in your life has had a TikTok makeover. Meet “canon events” –unfortunate periods that make you, you. The idea of canon events is central to the newly released animated movie, Spider-Man: Across The Spider-Verse, in which all the incarnations of Spiderman from parallel dimensions are bound together by several key (canon) events that must occur in each. They are unavoidable. And attempts to prevent them from happening — for example, not getting bitten by a radioactive spider or tragically losing a parental figure — could lead to the very fabric of time and space unravelling.”

autotomy — the casting off of a part of the body (e.g. the tail of a lizard) by an animal under threat. Heard on the BBC “Springwatch” nature programme.

accretion — growth or increase by the gradual accumulation of additional layers or matter. From the book “Everyone Brave is Forgiven.”

“clin d’oeuil”- in the blink of an eye (figuratively) an allusion. From the book “Everyone Brave is Forgiven”.

“as bright as the devil’s cufflinks” — this was a new expression for me but does what it says on the tin so probably needs no further explanation. Though quite why the Devil has bright cufflinks in the first place is still a mystery. Do share if you know more. From the book “Everyone Brave is Forgiven”.

proscenium — the part of a theatre stage in front of the curtain; the stage of an ancient theatre

short for proscenium arch. From the book “Everyone Brave is Forgiven”.

busboy — a young man who clears tables in a restaurant or cafe. I think this may be more widely used in the U.S. From the book “Everyone Brave is Forgiven.”

“moral outsourcing” — this specimen was identified in an Observer article about AI, and means the process of handing over difficult decisions to others to make them for us. The phrase was used by Rumman Chowdbury to describe blaming machines for our own shortcomings.

“like a stochastic parrot”- this rather brilliant description was used in an Observer article to describe Open AI’s GPTChat, a programme that now seems to feature in nearly every article on anything, such is its impact over the past eight months, possibly a meme to end all memes. Stochastic means having a random probability distribution or pattern that may be analysed statistically but may not be predicted precisely. As a description of ChatGPT’s output, it does seem a little unfair, though it can be a bit random at times — at least it does not have a mind of its own, so far.

panopticon- a circular prison with cells arranged around a central well, from which prisoners could at all times be observed. From an “Observer” article about AI being used for surveillance.

“ambient surveillance” — this phrase was also used in the “Observer” article about AI being used for surveillance. Ambient means relating to the immediate surroundings of something; relating to ambient music; relating to or denoting advertising that makes use of sites or objects other than the established media (e.g. by placing slogans on the back of bus tickets). So the phrase refers to the way our lives are now widely placed under surveillance by the ubiquity of CCTV.

UPF — this acronym meaning Ultra Processed Foods has been in the news a fair bit in the UK in the last couple of weeks due to concerns that these manufactured, artificial additives, are making us overweight and unwell.

humectant — this is a noun meaning a hygroscopic (water-absorbing) substance used to keep things moist. Such substances are used in many products, including food, cosmetics, medicines, and pesticides. When used as a food additive, a humectant has the effect of keeping moisture in the food. Discovered in a “Guardian” article on processed food.

I hope you enjoyed this latest collection and do share any favourite new specimens of your own in the comments.

As always, thank you for reading.

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