Summary

A black mother reflects on her decision to raise her daughter without the father's knowledge, emphasizing the strength and capability of black mothers in leadership roles.

Abstract

The author of the article, a black mother living in Berlin, shares her personal story of choosing not to inform her daughter's father about the pregnancy, fearing his reaction and potential rejection. She discusses the challenges and joys of single motherhood, the importance of having diverse father figures in her daughter's life, and the need for society to value the qualities that black mothers bring to leadership. Her narrative touches on themes of honesty, parenting, societal expectations, and the desire for a better future for children. The article also serves as a platform for the author to advocate for black mothers in leadership positions, arguing that their realistic, fair, fierce, and compassionate nature makes them well-suited for such roles.

Opinions

Black mothers possess qualities that make them fit for leadership roles, such as realism, fairness, fierceness, and compassion.
Society should have clear and just laws that apply equally to everyone, with a focus on policing actual criminals rather than law-abiding citizens.
There is a need for more tolerance and understanding among people, as everyone shares common desires despite differing perspectives.
The author believes in taking pragmatic action to address the world's issues, coining the phrase "Nitty Gritty Shitty" to emphasize the need to stop complaining and start solving problems.
She values her daughter's privacy and believes that children should not be subjected to public scrutiny.
The author has mixed feelings about keeping the pregnancy a secret from her boyfriend, acknowledging that secrets can be harmful but standing by her decision to protect her child from potential rejection.
She is grateful for the supportive community, or "village," that helps raise her daughter, including father figures from both her mother's and father's sides, as well as her uncle Oswald's scientific influence.
The article suggests that the author's life experiences, including her past as a "wild kid" and her current role as a tech-savvy forklift driver, contribute to her unique perspective and voice.
She uses the platform to share her stories and opinions, hoping to gain support through Patreon for travel experiences with her daughter, while also advocating for black women's voices to be heard and respected.

CONFESSION

A Secret — Why the Father of My Daughter Doesn’t Know about Her

Honesty… at the cost of what?

I came to this platform to be honest. To tell the stories that I think should be told. Not just about me. But for the world too. My main message is a clear one, Black Mothers for President Everywhere!

And then I searched for an appropriate picture for this story. When I type in father on Pixabay, I get only white fathers. When I type in black, father I get a lot of black and white pictures of … white fathers…

Telling, huh…

Why black mothers for president? I really think many black women would do a better job than many of our current leaders because we are realistic. We deal with complexity every day. We are fair, fierce, and compassionate.

We need lean laws that are clear for ALL.

Police should be focusing on criminals, not normal citizens.

And we should all be a bit more tolerant of each other. We all see the same things and have the same longings. We just look at things in a different light, I guess. We all want good futures for our children.

And it might be time to get on with doing something about the shit in the world. Nitty Gritty Shitty, I always say. Stop whining. Get on with it.

And when you mop up the flood, make sure the tap is not still running.

My Boyfriend

My daughter May is now 5 years old. I won’t give you real pictures. That’s gross. She needs her privacy. But I can tell you that she’s the most beautiful and stunning and exceptional child on our planet.

Hahaha… that’s what mothers say, don’t they?

And I sometimes want to glue her behind the wallpaper…

That’s realistic for mothers too, isn’t it?

Her father was my boyfriend. We were completely not prepared for a baby. Not ready at all. We often joked about it. No way… we would say… first we wanted to travel and grow up and become mature elders. And then… perhaps then…

Then… came earlier than expected.

We just had a big fight that lasted two weeks. We were that kind of couple. Vibrantly alive. And sometimes a bit unpredictable. I was definitely not very grown-up. Had been a wild kid myself. Was impossible at 16 and went to live with my uncle Oswald far away from homey England in Germany.

12 years later, I still hadn’t grown up.

It was May. Springtime. My hormones flew everywhere where they should fly. My life was a bit of a mess. My boyfriend had just lost his job. He was Swiss and was seriously considering going back to Switzerland.

The moment I knew I was pregnant, I also knew for sure he would run.

And I let him go. I never told him about the month that would change my life. I didn’t want to ruin his life. And I knew we wouldn’t have stayed together anyway.

But I think my most important consideration was that I didn’t want him to reject May. I didn’t want him saying I should get an abortion. I didn’t want my May to be unwanted. It taints a child, you know. Even in spirit or energy or resonance or whatever you call it, it taints a child.

So, I kept mute. He went to Switzerland, and that was the end of it.

A Village to Raise a Child

So, my May doesn’t have a father. I can’t say I definitely did the right thing. Will she want a father later in life? Can I still tell him then? Secrets go sour on people. I know.

Secrets are little gnawing intestine eaters.

You shouldn’t have too many of them.

I found the picture at the top of this story. And my stomach goes in a sailor's knot. Could this picture have been of her and him? Could I have gone to Switzerland and maybe have become like one of my sheroes on this platform? Rebecca Stevens A.

My May does have a lot of great father figures in her life though. From my mother’s side the white ones. From my father’s side the black ones. And from my uncle Oswald the sciency ones.

In Africa, there’s a very true expression:

It takes a village to raise a child

And my village does. I have friends here in Berlin. And they have children too. May goes everywhere I go. She feels safe. I provide for her. For us.

May made me grow up very quickly. I took a job being a forklift driver in a distribution center. I became a techie because there’s more money in that and I can do it from home more.

And now, I try to give us some extra travel money via this platform. We want to see the world. We want to be explorers. Just the two of us.

Am I here for the money only? Well, not really. I first thought of it because I think I have something to say that people need to hear. And most often people don’t listen to me in real life.

Who listens to a glasses-wearing forklift truck driver? Even though I’m looking like a mixture of Alica Keys (my profile picture) and a chubby Sade, it’s still no recipe for being taken seriously as a black woman.

So, let me say it here again:

Black Mothers for President Everywhere!

Let’s Bee Wild…

Buy me a coffee. Or let’s chat.