Writing Advice | Grow & Glow | Stats | Ground-Breaking Analysis
A Rigorous Analysis of 8 (EIGHT) Medium Titles Guaranteed To Grow Your Readership By 80%
Feel Free To Steal Any You Like
You’ve written an amazing article, story or poem? Now you need a title? In three minutes time — or three seconds if you skip straight to the end — you will know exactly how to do just that.
17 Simple Tricks To Help You Get The Last Toothpaste Out The Tube
I hope someone writes this article because I do really struggle.
What’s working well?
- You’ve used an edgy number. Not only is 17 prime (prime numbers are in right now), the digits add up to 8. All the best numbers do this, for example 71, 35, 26 and, of course, 8. Some people may think you had intended to reach 20 and not bothered finishing, but the important thing is YOU know that’s not true.
- You’ve promised tricks. Not just techniques, ways, methods, advice. Oh no — we’ve got tricks! Grab your magician’s hat and get ready to perform something incredible.
- You’ve called your tricks simple. People like simple.
What could be improved?
- The tube. Do you need to say it? ‘17 Simple Tricks to Help You Get The Last Toothpaste Out’ leaves the reader with a bit of mystery. Get the last toothpaste out of where?, they’ll be asking themselves. Enticing.
Rating: 5.3/8
Are You An Idiot?
People like to feel insulted before they’ve started reading your article.
What’s working well?
- You’ve asked a question. It’s always good to drop in questions because this makes it look like you care about your readers’ opinion. Do you agree?
- You’re being provocative. 7 times out of 8, it is best to be provocative online.
What could be improved?
- Could you make it more insulting? Perhaps add an expletive. Or skip the niceties and tell it how it is: ‘You Are An Idiot’.
Rating: 8/8
44% of Lions Have Not Read No Books
It’s true.
What’s working well?
- You’ve made up a statistic. Fake stats are a great way to pull people in. Even better, you’ve plumped for a figure that is surprisingly low. That will hook them in.
- The double negative keeps people on their toes. Also, by presenting your stat in a confusing way it makes it harder for anyone to check whether it’s true.
What could be improved?
- Don’t give away the stat in the title. Why not try, ‘You’ll Never Guess How Many Lions Have Not Read No Books’ or even better ‘I’ll Give $8 To Anyone Who Guesses How Many Lions Have Not Read No Books’. If there’s one thing people like, it’s guessing.
Rating: 5.12/8
Here’s What Happened When I Wrote An Article About Something That Happened To Me
Intriguing.
What’s working well?
- You’ve set yourself up to shamelessly plug your old article. It’s always a good idea to look for ways to drop in links to your previous writing. So many words might seem unfamiliar but you don’t need to flap: it’s not a conspiracy if sometimes the words just don’t.
- You’ve paved the way for Part Three: ‘Here’s What Happened When I Wrote An Article About What Happened When I Wrote An Article About Something That Happened To Me’.
What could be improved?
- It’s too long. You might lose your audience before they even start because they’ll feel like they’ve already read a full-length article in the title.
Rating: 3.32/8
Okay, I’m stopping at 4 (FOUR) so I can span it out into a two-parter. Keep your eyes proverbially peeled.
If you skipped to the end in search of the golden advice, here it is:
Go back to the start and read the article.
Daniel Clark is a reader, writer, linguist and poet.
(Yes, I did choose this title just for the fuzzy feeling it gives me when I get a notification saying, [Kind Person] clapped for You!)