A Recovered Insomniac’s Guide to Not Counting Sheep

Sleep hygiene is not a cure-all for people who are chronically under-rested. A sound sleep strategy requires more than an idealistic bedtime routine.

So you can’t sleep. Again. Sometimes, no matter how extensive your bedtime preparations are, sleep doesn’t come.

When you feel like you’re already doing everything right, it can be frustrating to hear the same unhelpful advice over and over again. Work out. Eat balanced meals. Stay off the smartphone. And my favorite: don’t try so hard.

Well, I’ll just go ahead and say it: sleep hygiene isn’t the answer.

The story is more complex than that. The good news is, I’ve been there, and I can confirm that insomnia is not “your life now.” There are real steps you can take beyond counting backward from 1,000 to intuitively improve your sleep — and I don’t just mean tonight.

…but also tonight.

What to Do When You Can’t Sleep

After staring at your ceiling for hours in the dark, I’m pretty sure the first thing you need isn’t to understand the mechanics of sleep.

You need to make sleep more probable tonight.

Here are the short-term solutions that have helped me get to sleep. I’ll start there, and then give you the background for why these things work further down.

Get cozy.

Even if direct skin on skin contact, creased sheets, or questionable smells aren’t as annoying for you as they can be for me, cozying up won’t hurt your chances. So make your nest as inviting and peaceful as possible.

Temperature check.

If the top of my head is cold, I can’t sleep. Hyperventilating doesn’t help either. Check your windows, adjust the heating, and make sure you are wearing enough layers to keep you comfortably warm.

Eat.

Feeling snacky after hours? It’s normal. You aren’t sleeping, so your body is doing its usual daytime thing and making you want to eat every so often. And, while eating around bedtime is generally frowned upon, if you’re anything like me and you’re hungry in bed, you’ll never fall asleep. So have a snack or a three-course meal as far as I’m concerned. It’s worth it.

Exhaust yourself.

If bathroom trips were the height of my physical activity for the day, I’ll likely have some energy pent up by the evening. It still being the “year of March 2020”, I’m sure you can relate. Well, if it’s safe and not disturbing a potential roommate, any moderately tiring exercise can do the trick.

Tire your eyes out.

Another thing you should generally avoid. Blue light may mess with your sleep. But, if you’re at hour 4 in the dark with no luck so far, there’s not much left to lose. I’d recommend watching a familiar TV show over a new one to avoid the extra stimulation and the urge to binge it. Alternatively, just do some sudoku or crosswords and skip the screen altogether.

Play relaxing music.

I like listening to lo-fi for this, but any playlist of downbeat songs you prefer should work. If nothing comes to mind, simply look up some soothing binaural beats or music designed to invite sleep. This helps if you need to mask other noises, too.

Overstimulate with music.

If you are bored or understimulated, your brain might be compensating by playing out uncomfortable memories or finding other ways to entertain itself. That spiral can go on for hours. Try keeping the action outside of your head with some intense music so you numb yourself down instead of getting fired up with rumination.

Think the thoughts, feel the feelings.

Going through a tough period with something specific on your mind, you may simply need to let yourself process everything and figure out how you feel, what you want, and where you stand. Intentionally sacrificing a few hours now to sort it out could save you the rest of the night, and much more than that if you tend to suppress things often. But you can’t make this a habit.

Organize.

Things usually aren’t as big and bad as they seem when you leave them simmering in the back of your head without supervision. To avoid overwhelm, break down the things you need to do into manageable tasks, then prioritize them and record them in order. You can make it a rule to do this every day or once a week to keep your head clear.

Get inspired.

If you didn’t get enough time to play lately, or you’re feeling a pull for inspiration, go for it. You may not be able to completely satisfy the need, but taking a minute to read about a subject you care about or scroll through Pinterest for some crafty ideas might do the trick for the night. Write down or otherwise note any promises you make yourself so you can follow up on them in the following days, rather than creating more vague to-do’s to worry about.

Infodump.

You may not have a fancy magical Pensieve to deposit your thoughts in like Dumbledore, but pen and paper will do fine. If your head is buzzing and you feel like you’re constantly running on 20 tabs (where’s the music coming from?), write down everything that’s on your mind. Everything. The fear of losing precious information will be gone and you’ll see how much of your brain clutter was just that.

Try not to sleep.

If you feel fully awake and far from sleepy, get up. Turn on the lights. Consider getting some work done or catching up with your paperwork. Sleep may find its way to you sooner than you thought. And, if not, at least tomorrow’s workload won’t be as overwhelming.

Read an engaging book.

One of the important lessons I’ve learned. Contrary to popular belief, in moments when real life becomes a bit too much, getting pulled into a different world can actually be the less stimulating option. You’re not breaking any rules by reading when there’s nowhere else to turn.

Why No Sleep Hack Works

When we hear the word “rest,” sleeping is one of the first things that come to mind. But, there are different ways that you can get tired, and sleep is just one way of resting.

If it’s persistently difficult to fall asleep, or it doesn’t bring you relief, chances are you need to try something else.

Think of it like this: you’re not spending all of your energy using just one type of muscle. There’s a different battery for mentally exhausting activities as opposed to, say, emotional labor. The more you use the same battery, the more you’ll need to charge it.

The tricky part is, when you use up a lot of energy in one way, it doesn’t only show there. For example, this scenario creeps up on me when I’m not careful:

I spend the entire day in front of my laptop, typing away. By the time I’m out of the chair, my brain is scrambled — which makes sense, right? But also:

• My neck and back are stiff
• Light feels like my eyes are on fire
• I’m craving human contact
• I’m edgier and less able to regulate

In this case, low battery is not showing just mentally, but also physically, sensory, socially, and emotionally. Some resources have dried up; others didn’t get to be used at all.

Overall experience: all ketchup, no fries.

So, a problem may look like a sleep issue if it’s past bedtime and you’re wide awake, but if hours pass and no “hack” works, it may be a sign that something’s holding you back, or that you’re lacking an entirely different type of rest.

Seven Types of Rest

According to Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith, you need a lot more than “good sleep” if you don’t want to keep running on back burners.

Just like meds can’t fully heal the problems caused by harmful habits, sleep isn’t a one-size-fits-all solution either. Below are the seven types of rest you need to lead a happy, healthy life:

Physical. The most obvious one. Overworking yourself physically can make you feel heavy, sore, and sleepy. Physical rest could be as simple as napping, but it could also include other restorative activities that remove tension, tiredness, and pain, like stretching or walking.

Mental. When mentally fatigued, you’ll be unable to think at your full capacity and focus pieces of information into coherent strings of thoughts. Mental rest means clearing out the clutter and restoring brainpower. This may include taking a break from work, meditating, doing mindless tasks, and switching to autopilot for the minute.

Emotional. You may be used to stifling your emotions and waiting for the “right time” to process them. Of course, such a time never comes along, but the bottled feelings need a way out. Emotional rest is a way to do just that — vent, sort out, and release. Chatting with a trusted friend or therapist is a great way to do this.

Creative. You’re being creative if you’re coming up with a new way to reduce your grocery shopping bill just as much as you are while painting. A great way to access creative rest is to let yourself be unproductive so inspiration can flow back in. Attending a concert, walking in nature, or watching a movie may help.

Spiritual. Spiritual rest is any practice, religious or not, that brings you back to your spiritual center, makes you think about the big questions, and aligns your actions with your values. Exercising mindfulness and contemplating how to be more of a positive influence can help you feel more grounded and fill your life with purpose when you’re feeling lost.

Social. Whether your social experiences are positive or negative (but especially the latter), too many of them close together can take a toll on your wellbeing. To get some social rest, you can spend some time alone, set healthy boundaries with friends and family, and make sure you nurture relationships with supportive, loving people.

Sensory. When you notice the bright lights and loud noises are becoming harder to tolerate, you’re due for some sensory rest. Time away from electronics or finding a dim-lighted, quiet space to decompress a bit will help you shake off the feeling of being attacked.

Rest vs. Inactivity

To rest means to replenish your energy sources and access your optimal, most functional state. Being rested means being in good form. Not being in good form means you are nearing one of the polar ends of the scale:

1. Your energy is spent; you are overworked and unable to continue with efficiency. You’re probably also temporarily unable to engage in other activities. If this is a regular state and you’re not getting enough time off, you’re probably risking or already in burnout.
2. Your unspent energy is pent up; you don’t exercise the muscles, so you’re not used to working them and aren’t accessing your full potential. This probably spills over to other areas in some form, like frustration, confusion, or inability to sleep.

As you can tell, if the first case applies, you need to rest. However, the second scenario implies a lack of activity.

How do you find the best of both worlds?

Athletes do a great job at this. They put a lot of effort into maintaining optimal form by pushing the limits of their potential while also making sure to get enough recovery time.

Between and during regular training sessions, they switch between two different types of resting.

The first one is passive, perhaps lounging or sleeping.

The second type is active rest. This method includes light activities like walking between or after running laps to buffer the contrast and help the body stay warm and functional, instead of making a full stop.

Active rest can also mean doing another moderately engaging activity instead of nothing while on break from your usual occupation.

The combination of consistent activity, passive and active rest is something you should strive to include in your day-to-day, in a way that makes sense for different areas of your life and your unique situation.

So, if you are leading a sedentary lifestyle, you may benefit from introducing regular exercise into your schedule, even if it’s just walking.

However, if you’re a construction worker, your immediate needs are probably leaning more towards passive rest.

Similarly, bouncing from one extreme to the other isn’t a good idea.

For example, spending a lot of time interacting with people may leave you socially and emotionally tired after a while. On the flip side, lack of meaningful human contact can make you feel lonely, which can impair your sleep, health, and self-esteem.

Zooming out, you can usually see where you tend to overspend and where you aren’t spending enough. The work is to get closer to the middle of each spectrum.

My biggest problem areas revolved around emotional overwhelm, lack of creative expression, boredom, and distractions. Here are some solutions and preventive measures I came up with to get permanently unstuck:

• Catch up with a friend
• Draw, make, decorate, write
• Commit to something new, take up a new hobby
• Always have something to look forward to + fulfill promises to yourself
• Restrict/quit social media
• Have a healthy outlet for stress (mindful movement, mindless dancing, and journaling)
• Exercise self-regulation (meditation, body-scanning for stress) when everything is fine
• Carve out enough alone time

Yours may be different, but you get the idea. Even if you can’t name them all yet, if you’ve dedicated yourself to finding and fixing your burning areas while not committing major sleep hygiene crimes…

I’d say you’re exactly where you need to be right now.

Sleep Hygiene and Routines

Sleep routines never last. Sleep hygiene doesn’t work on its own.

Hear me out, okay?

I don’t have beef with the concept of sleep hygiene. Just its standing reputation as the ultimate problem-solving technique, when it’s merely the baseline you need to build a routine of sleep-promoting habits.

A decent sleep routine is a set of steps to fit your sleep into a predictable, healthy, or preferred pattern. It often includes sensible measures like waking up and going to bed at a set time each day, limiting evening screen exposure, creating a calming bedtime atmosphere, etc.

However, in my personal experience, insomnia is rarely caused by a single isolated problem. It certainly doesn’t appear out of nowhere, and, most of the time, the cause has nothing to do with sleep.

Instead of one obvious thing, the root problem is likely to look like an inflamed cluster, so it needs a more complex healing system than even a squeaky-clean sleep routine can offer.

For me, insomnia appeared while my mental health was in decline and during the following severe burnout. Then again during recovery.

During these spells, I tried every tip I could find on the internet and offline. To be fair, sleep routine helped; but it wasn’t until I learned to recognize my triggers and regulate my daily life that I was able to completely break free.

Part of the reason why a sleep routine didn’t work is that I couldn’t entirely keep up with it. In the years I’ve attempted it on and off, things like taking a bath before bed or avoiding afternoon coffee were effortless.

But waking up in the morning at all, let alone at a set time, was nearly impossible in the sole context of sleep hygiene because, and I can’t stress this enough, I didn’t see the point.

I didn’t need a head start on work, and I simply didn’t have a reason to fight through the inertia. And this moment is where all sleep routines fail — unless you can find a sleep-unrelated reason to support them.

When I finally did manage to overcome the issue, it wasn’t because I was rested enough to get up early. In fact, I was as exhausted as ever.

What helped me was reconnecting to my spirituality. I realized that I wanted to feel more in touch with nature’s cycles, which gave me a tangible motive to power through — so that I could watch the sunrise each morning.

Dumb motive? Maybe. But it mattered to me, and that’s why it worked.

Apart from the occasional night up due to a stressful event or a particularly persistent mosquito, my rate of well-slept nights is now at an all-time high. I went from a chronically fatigued sleep enthusiast to a well-rested, alarm-free morning person.

And so can you.

How to Create a Sleep Strategy That Works

The goal is to predict and prevent problematic patterns, relearn how to sleep intuitively, and maintain optimal energy levels on all fronts — in four steps. Ready?

1. Sleep hygiene.

Your sleep routine has to be sustainable above all else. That means no complicated rules and no flaking. Remember, this part should be as simple as possible so that you easily follow through with it, and it should revolve around motives that matter to you. Otherwise, it will hardly become intuitive.

2. Nighttime Patterns

Time to tap into your inner Sherlock. Start keeping track of your sleep every night, preferably via some form of a journal so you don’t forget anything. Write down anything you notice around bedtime, like what was on your mind, when you fell asleep, how many times you woke up, what helped you doze off, etc. Patterns will show quickly, but you’ll still need more data.

3. Daytime Patterns

This is where you track your daily activity. Spare no detail. Any insight about your energy levels, overall subjective wellbeing, more or less demanding activities, mood highs and lows, habits and needs — all of this will help you zero in on the core problem and get you further down the path to fixing your sleep.

4. Sleep Strategy

At this point, you should have a pretty good idea of your most burning problem areas and how to address them. Write everything down! If you’re struggling to keep it concise, here are some simple prompts:

• Activity area — type of rest you need — how to access it?
• Possible insomnia trigger — how to avoid it?
• What has previously worked for immediate relief?
• What are some long-term, healthy changes you can make?
• What are your WHYs for making them?
• How will you keep yourself accountable?

Include that into your plan, and factor in the days of no motivation. Don’t forget to keep notes of how it’s going, so you can keep adjusting the approach accordingly.

Remember that following this strategy, like any other commitment to improving your health, will inevitably take plenty of trial and error. You will need to fill in the blanks with personal information and conclusions based on your own journey.

Worst case scenario? You’ll have made some positive changes, gotten closer to being the person you want to be, and paved the way towards better sleep.

The guide is based on my personal experience which may differ from yours, and it isn’t a substitute for professional medical advice. If your insomnia lasts over a month, you should consider seeing a doctor.

That said, I’m curious about your sleep essentials. Did I miss something?