A Racist Verbally Assaulted Me, and No One Cared

Doing and saying nothing sends a clear message

A couple of weeks ago, I was walking home from the store, bags in each hand. As I was walking, I heard someone yelling and shouting. At first, I couldn’t understand what was being said, but I knew it wasn’t anything good.

I then saw a white woman walking up the sidewalk. She was screeching a cornucopia of cuss words mixed in with the word “Jew,” along with some homophobic slurs.

I knew it was coming. A lone brown woman is an easy target for belligerent bigots. I know this from experience.

She looked up at me and screamed, “Fucking BLM. Fucking n*ggers. You hear me, you fucking n*gger bitch?!”

This isn’t the first time a racist verbally assaulted me on the street. I live in Southern Indiana, which isn’t known for its tolerance or diversity. Sadly, I’m used to it. When this happens, I typically numb myself. I dissociate.

But this time, I tried to confront the mega-Karen. I dropped my grocery bags and pulled out my phone. As I tried to pull up my camera app, I asked her, “You want to say all that again?”

Mega-Karen then walked quickly across the street, still muttering the n-word. “No, come back! Say it all again!” I shouted. I was hoping she would come back and repeat not only what she said to me, but every hateful thing she spewed out during her rampage. Unfortunately, she was gone before I was able to touch “record.”

I knew she was trying to bait me into attacking her so that she could paint herself up as a victim of the “angry Black woman.” But I felt more tired than angry. People like her wear me out more than they rile me up.

During the confrontation, a couple of people walked past us. There was a restaurant across the street from us with people sitting outside, staring at us. There was also a couple of people at a nearby bus stop. It’s important to note all of these people appeared to be white.

I just moved into the neighborhood a few weeks prior, and it’s not very diverse. Still, I was hoping I wouldn’t experience racial harassment again. I was also hoping people would stand up to it if it ever happened.

But no one helped. No one intervened. No one even asked if I was okay.

That hurt more than the racial attack.

There are many ways to make a person feel unwelcomed. Doing and saying nothing sends a clear message.

The bystander effect and implicit bias

The bystander effect is the phenomenon where if someone is in distress or being attacked, bystanders are less likely to help them if there are many other bystanders present. The fewer bystanders there are, the more likely one of them will help the person.

In my situation, there were two white people who walked past the mega-Karen and me, about five sitting outside the restaurant across the street, and two at the bus stop.

But would one of them have intervened if there were fewer-to-no other people present? I’m not so sure.

There are plenty of reasons why the bystander effect takes place. People might assume someone else other than them will intervene. They might be afraid that they, too, will be attacked. They might not think the target of an attacker needs any help.

However, implicit biases can play into the bystander effect as well. A 2016 article from the Washington Post details a study conducted by researchers at Cornell University. The study found only one in 39 people who suffered a medical emergency in public received help from a bystander. But when it was broken down by race, bystanders were even less likely to assist a Black person.

Within healthcare environments, doctors are more likely to under-treat Black patients because of the racist belief that Black people can tolerate pain better than white people. Considering that, the findings of the Cornell University research might not be surprising.

So did the white people who witnessed mega-Karen verbally attacking me think I wasn’t hurt by it? Did the “strong Black woman” trope enter their minds? While it’s true I wasn’t visibly upset, that doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt. And the fact no one even asked if I was okay just hurt even more. You don’t ignore someone who was punched in the face just because they didn’t cry.

The ABC show What Would You Do? is famous for setting up scenarios that highlight the bystander effect. I remember this old clip in which they set up a scenario with a white retail manager racially profiling a Black woman.

In the clip, you will see most of the white people in the store didn’t stand up for the shopper, claiming that it has “nothing to do with me,” they “don’t know her,” and even that she was “playing the Black card.” It was mostly other Black people who stood up for the shopper, with a white woman stepping up at the very end.

The seemingly neutral response from the white woman shopper about 42 seconds into the clip says more than she’s probably aware. If the retail manager was harassing a white shopper, would she had felt more compelled to act? Research and statistics concerning implicit bias say it’s likely.

The white guy three minutes and five seconds into the clip who claimed the shopper was “playing the Black card” completely changes his tune when John Quinones confronts him. However, in his initial response, he made it sound as though he thought the shopper deserved to be profiled and discriminated against. This is an example of obviously racist beliefs playing a part in the bystander effect. In my situation, there could have been white people who felt the same way mega-Karen felt about me.

It’s difficult to read minds, but implicit bias is real. And when racial implicit bias is mixed in with the bystander effect, we’re left with BIPOC constantly feeling like we’re not welcomed and not safe.

What would you do? What should you do?

For white people who wish to be a part of the solution, you will have to do a lot of unlearning and re-learning.

“Colorblindness” is a big factor as to why white people don’t speak up when they witness racism. In the past, I’ve written about how “colorblindness” reinforces racism. For the most part, white people are taught to never discuss race and never notice it. But the truth is, racism exists. In order to eradicate it, it needs to be seen and called out.

White people should also challenge whatever implicit biases they’ve picked up. Implicit biases are subconscious — you might not have even realized you have them. The belief that Black people don’t feel pain is an example of an implicit bias and, I think, a major contribution to the bystander effect in situations in which a racist is attacking a Black person.

Learning how to be an active bystander is another thing white people need to learn to do if they truly wish to eradicate racism. This New York Times article describes the three D’s — direct, distract, and delegate.

To direct means to address the situation head-on. This doesn’t necessarily mean entering into a confrontation with the racist, but even checking if the target of the racial attack is okay is addressing the situation head-on.

Recording a situation on your phone is another way you could confront the situation. However, I wouldn’t consider this taking direct action. Standing around with your phone in your hand when you’re able to do more can make you another disengaged bystander.

The “distract” strategy is a clever one to use to defuse the situation. In my scenario, I would have loved it if someone pointed and screamed, “Look, a fire!” took my hand, and got me to safety as mega-Karen was distracted.

However, the “delegate” strategy is one I feel iffy about. Passing on the responsibility to another person seems cowardly. It could also trigger the bystander effect, as bystanders typically wait for someone else to take care of the situation. Plus, what if you don’t have anyone with you with whom you could delegate? What would you do?

I would say learning how to take direct action would be the most useful strategy. Someone doing something as simple as asking me if I was okay after mega-Karen’s attack would have meant the world to me.

After the attack, I went home and crawled under the sheets of my bed. I should mention it was also my birthday. It was the worst party I’ve ever had.

I thought about how once again, a racist attacked me. I thought about how once again, nobody seemed to care and no one stepped in. I thought about how once again, I’m in an unsafe environment with no backup whatsoever.

Unfortunately, I can’t move. I signed a 12-month lease. Plus, mega-Karens are everywhere. There’s almost no avoiding them.

But most disturbingly, bystanders are everywhere. People who will watch someone being verbally and/or physically assaulted but determining it’s “none of their business” even though it’s happening right in front of them.

Even worse, they could believe the victim deserves to be attacked because of their own bigoted beliefs and implicit biases.

Learning how to be an active bystander is important in eradicating racism. You might not have witnessed a BIPOC being attacked directly, but I would bet every cent I own that almost all white people have heard racist jokes or heard someone spew racist lies. Even if there’s no BIPOC present, we’re still being attacked. Instead of letting them get away with it, become active in addressing racism. Find some courage.

BIPOC need to survive in this world. We don’t have any time for cowardice or apathy.