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Abstract

but I feel it will just make it funnier. Like the movie “Grumpy Old Men”. Those old fellas were HILARIOUS.Ok, now this question is WAY out there. But it’s from one of my favorites, <a href="undefined">Mishel Noor</a>. So I’m going to do my best to answer it. The Godfather of Medium is ready, Sis. What’s your question?You’re at a bar with Kanye West, Ron Desantis, and Trump. Fuck, Marry, Kill?<figure id="182e"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*WT8INAIm97xQ0TMM3ptxLQ.jpeg"><figcaption>Sleazy and Yeezy meet. Where’s Ron, though? Photo: Wikimedia Commons</figcaption></figure>In this completely unlikely scenario, and speaking in a totally satirical sense, I have an answer.Fuck: TrumpMarry: KanyeKill: DesantisTo clarify: I’d fuck Trump in the way that I’d encourage him to boast about all of the illegal shit he’s done, and there has been PLENTY. He’ll brag about it all after a couple of Seabreezes because he’s Trump and also likely a lightweight. I’ll catch it on film and that will be that. Life in prison, he’s FUCKED.Kanye, I’d marry. I have a feeling that fella may be closeted, anyway. I’ll save myself for marriage and Runaway Bride his ass after the ceremony, taking half of his fortune in the divorce. He’s already down 1.6 billion, so what’s another 200 million between exes?DeSantis: To hell with Ron DeSantis. We’d take one of those Swampmobile things into the alligator-infested Floridian swamps, I’d make a sharp turn “accidentally”, and Ron would be swimmin’ with the fishies (and crocs) before we knew it. And the world would be a better place.This question is from my friend <a href="undefined">Jeff Hayward</a>. An interesting question, for certain.Does your family read your stuff? If so, what do they think? If not, why?Are you kidding me? They worship the ground I walk on. I’m their favorite parent. My Bride wishes she could be me for a day, just to know the level of writing genius I possess.But no, they don’t read my writing.Ok, I kid, but they don’t read it often. My Bride is so busy with her counseling practice and also writing a bit on Medium when she can. My kids are into their own things, college, work, friends, gaming, etc. While I’m sure they’ve read a bit here and there, it’s not something they seek out often.And that’s ok. It makes it easier to talk shit about them all. &:^)Another question, this one from <a href="undefined">Gregchick</a>. Greg asks the following:How do you come up with the leading titles for your posts? They are most compelling, almost like the words you chose to make the case being stated.When I was new to Medium, I quickly realized how many writers were posting constantly on the platform. Many wrote about the same exact things. I figured out that titles and the main pic have a lot to do with if someone will stop scrolling and actually read your article.So I took the time to really think of eye-catching titles and pics. Not making your title the length of a paragraph is advantageous. Shoot for a five to seven word title, mainly. Use the subtitle to continue your thought, if your title seems a bit too long. I wrote about this topic not long ago:<div id="28d7" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/a-weak-title-will-doom-your-story-53b4cbe07fe1"> <div> <div> <h2>A Weak Title Will Doom Your Story</h2>

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  <div><h3>It doesn’t matter how good your article is if nobody reads it</h3></div>
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    </div><p id="f217"><a href="undefined">Dr Roger E Prentice</a> is a hell of a guy. He has a two-part question that needs answering.</p><div id="aa23"><pre>Dear Godfather, <span class="hljs-comment">(Don't forget to have wads of cotton wool in your mouth/cheeks)</span>.</pre></div><div id="e6bd"><pre><span class="hljs-number">1</span>) I am desperate <span class="hljs-built_in">to</span> know how <span class="hljs-built_in">to</span> sign up <span class="hljs-built_in">to</span> <span class="hljs-built_in">get</span> paid <span class="hljs-keyword">a</span> few sheckles. I live <span class="hljs-keyword">in</span> <span class="hljs-keyword">the</span> UK <span class="hljs-keyword">and</span> <span class="hljs-keyword">last</span> <span class="hljs-built_in">time</span> I tried <span class="hljs-keyword">it</span> crashed <span class="hljs-keyword">and</span> threw me out.</pre></div><div id="9565"><pre><span class="hljs-number">2</span>) How <span class="hljs-keyword">do</span> I <span class="hljs-keyword">get</span> cartoon versions of my self such <span class="hljs-keyword">as</span> you are <span class="hljs-keyword">using</span> <span class="hljs-keyword">in</span> <span class="hljs-keyword">this</span> article. Ciao <span class="hljs-keyword">for</span> Now Roger</pre></div><p id="7cd9">Well Doc, I am not sure about the first issue. It appears that you have well beyond the 100 followers necessary to monetize your blog. If it’s an issue of your page crashing when you try to sign up for the Partner’s Program, I’d reach out to Medium through the Help portal on your page.</p><p id="0be7">As for the second question, download the free app “Bitmoji” from the Google Play Store. After you install it, design your own cartoon character version of yourself and then choose from hundreds of cartoons with you as the superstar. It’s fun! &amp;:^)</p><p id="5124">We have time for one last question, and it’s from <a href="undefined">Lara Tigler MD</a>. Lara is another friend I go way back with here on Medium. It was the Spring of ‘22…</p><p id="1e8f"><i>What do you think the outcome of this election will be? Will Democrats hold the legislative branch or lost it?</i></p><p id="587c">I sure hope they do hold it, Lara. But I’ve underestimated voter apathy many times before. If a choad like Donald Trump can get less of the popular vote than Hillary Clinton and still win, we’re all likely fucked.</p><p id="9bab">I’ll watch the coverage tonight. Worst-case scenario, I’ll smash a box of cabernet and research which of my Medium friends live in other countries. Perhaps I’ll visit them and stay for a spell.</p><p id="df87">After all, I can write these blogs anywhere in the world, right? &amp;:^)</p><div id="b4ac" class="link-block">
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            <h2>Join Medium with my referral link - Jason Provencio</h2>
            <div><h3>Read all of my writing and get access to unlimited articles here on Medium! Your small monthly membership fee directly…</h3></div>
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Ask Away

A Q&A Session with Jason Provencio

Answers to the Questions You’ve Sent Me

**I’m here to answer the questions you’ve asked. Let’s do this thing!**

Ok, as promised in my blog from yesterday, I’m here to answer any and all questions you have. I said that I’d either tell the truth or make up something pretty silly if I didn’t want to answer any given question.

I’ll stick to that. You know me. I’m a man of my word. Sometimes a man of many words. Or few, if I have writer’s block. That’s rare, though. Well, let’s just get to it, shall we?

This question is from my good friend Brett Jenae Tomlin. She’s awesome by the way. I dig her stuff greatly. Ok, here’s her question:

“What is your hair’s spirit animal?”

I’d say that my hair’s spirit animal is the love child of Sam Elliott’s Mustache and the Pink Panther. Specifically, in that episode where he comes out of the dryer at the laundromat and looks like one of those poofy white dandelions. Perhaps you’ve seen this episode before?

**If Sam Elliot’s mustache and this version of the Pink Panther had a baby, that baby would be my hair’s spirit animal.**

Thank you for the funny question, Brett! &:^)

My good buddy Tom Owens: How I REALLY Feel! had this question to ask about my avatar character that I use on here frequently:

The illustrations that have your Mini-Me persona are fun. Is there an artist you can credit? Did you conceive of these as an ongoing motif in your blogs? Maybe the Little Man could dictate his biography, which would further his blog fame? I like him much better than FUNKOS.

Why thank you, Tom! I put a little time and effort into his character design. But an artist, I am not. So I remembered this app I downloaded years ago called Bitmoji. It allows you to design a cartoon avatar of yourself, with details down to the face, hair, body type, and clothing.

He has better hair than I do. And his beard is better, too. I hate him.

There are hundreds of preset cartoons you can choose from to use, once you’ve designed your avatar character. And you can change it any time you like. Download the free Bitmoji app from the Google Play store. You’ll have fun!

Here’s a great one from Terry O'Donal. Terry and I go way back, from my earlier days of writing. I think we met in the Spring of ’22. HA! But he’s a great fella with an insightful question.

What will you look like on Medium a year from today? Will your blogs change with the times, or remain witty and entertaining? Any predictions?

I don’t see my blogs changing with the times, but they may reflect more of the issues we face with the ever-changing times. I do enjoy writing about current events and the state of our country in its decline.

As far as my blog remaining witty and entertaining, I sure hope so! Unless I take an unfortunate knock in the head and lose my thinkability, I should be ok! At some point, I may get elderly and grumpy. This could affect my humor writing, but I feel it will just make it funnier. Like the movie “Grumpy Old Men”. Those old fellas were HILARIOUS.

Ok, now this question is WAY out there. But it’s from one of my favorites, Mishel Noor. So I’m going to do my best to answer it. The Godfather of Medium is ready, Sis. What’s your question?

You’re at a bar with Kanye West, Ron Desantis, and Trump. Fuck, Marry, Kill?

**Sleazy and Yeezy meet. Where’s Ron, though? Photo: Wikimedia Commons**

In this completely unlikely scenario, and speaking in a totally satirical sense, I have an answer.

Fuck: Trump

Marry: Kanye

Kill: Desantis

To clarify: I’d fuck Trump in the way that I’d encourage him to boast about all of the illegal shit he’s done, and there has been PLENTY. He’ll brag about it all after a couple of Seabreezes because he’s Trump and also likely a lightweight. I’ll catch it on film and that will be that. Life in prison, he’s FUCKED.

Kanye, I’d marry. I have a feeling that fella may be closeted, anyway. I’ll save myself for marriage and Runaway Bride his ass after the ceremony, taking half of his fortune in the divorce. He’s already down 1.6 billion, so what’s another 200 million between exes?

DeSantis: To hell with Ron DeSantis. We’d take one of those Swampmobile things into the alligator-infested Floridian swamps, I’d make a sharp turn “accidentally”, and Ron would be swimmin’ with the fishies (and crocs) before we knew it. And the world would be a better place.

This question is from my friend Jeff Hayward. An interesting question, for certain.

Does your family read your stuff? If so, what do they think? If not, why?

Are you kidding me? They worship the ground I walk on. I’m their favorite parent. My Bride wishes she could be me for a day, just to know the level of writing genius I possess.

But no, they don’t read my writing.

Ok, I kid, but they don’t read it often. My Bride is so busy with her counseling practice and also writing a bit on Medium when she can. My kids are into their own things, college, work, friends, gaming, etc. While I’m sure they’ve read a bit here and there, it’s not something they seek out often.

And that’s ok. It makes it easier to talk shit about them all. &:^)

Another question, this one from Gregchick. Greg asks the following:

How do you come up with the leading titles for your posts? They are most compelling, almost like the words you chose to make the case being stated.

When I was new to Medium, I quickly realized how many writers were posting constantly on the platform. Many wrote about the same exact things. I figured out that titles and the main pic have a lot to do with if someone will stop scrolling and actually read your article.

So I took the time to really think of eye-catching titles and pics. Not making your title the length of a paragraph is advantageous. Shoot for a five to seven word title, mainly. Use the subtitle to continue your thought, if your title seems a bit too long. I wrote about this topic not long ago:

A Weak Title Will Doom Your Story

It doesn’t matter how good your article is if nobody reads it

medium.com

Dr Roger E Prentice is a hell of a guy. He has a two-part question that needs answering.

Dear Godfather, (Don't forget to have wads of cotton wool in your mouth/cheeks).

1) I am desperate to know how to sign up to get paid a few sheckles. I live in the UK and last time I tried it crashed and threw me out.

2) How do I get cartoon versions of my self such as you are using in this article. Ciao for Now Roger

Well Doc, I am not sure about the first issue. It appears that you have well beyond the 100 followers necessary to monetize your blog. If it’s an issue of your page crashing when you try to sign up for the Partner’s Program, I’d reach out to Medium through the Help portal on your page.

As for the second question, download the free app “Bitmoji” from the Google Play Store. After you install it, design your own cartoon character version of yourself and then choose from hundreds of cartoons with you as the superstar. It’s fun! &:^)

We have time for one last question, and it’s from Lara Tigler MD. Lara is another friend I go way back with here on Medium. It was the Spring of ‘22…

What do you think the outcome of this election will be? Will Democrats hold the legislative branch or lost it?

I sure hope they do hold it, Lara. But I’ve underestimated voter apathy many times before. If a choad like Donald Trump can get less of the popular vote than Hillary Clinton and still win, we’re all likely fucked.

I’ll watch the coverage tonight. Worst-case scenario, I’ll smash a box of cabernet and research which of my Medium friends live in other countries. Perhaps I’ll visit them and stay for a spell.

After all, I can write these blogs anywhere in the world, right? &:^)

Join Medium with my referral link - Jason Provencio

Read all of my writing and get access to unlimited articles here on Medium! Your small monthly membership fee directly…

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