Summary

The provided content discusses the persistent societal labels applied to women based on their sexual behavior, as exemplified by a quote from the movie "The Breakfast Club," and advocates for a change in the language and judgment used against women.

Abstract

The article reflects on the enduring nature of gendered labels that women face, which are often tied to their sexual conduct. Using a quote from the 1980s film "The Breakfast Club," it illustrates the double standards that judge women as either a "prude," a "tease," or a "slut," depending on their perceived sexual behavior. The author recounts personal experiences with these labels and emphasizes the serious consequences they can have, including victim-blaming in cases of rape and femicide. The piece argues that language plays a crucial role in perpetuating these harmful attitudes and calls for a conscious effort to change the narrative by refraining from judgment based on a woman's sex life and actively challenging the use of derogatory terms.

Opinions

The author suggests that societal expectations and language used to describe women's sexual behavior have not significantly changed over the past 35 years, despite other social advancements.
The article points out that the labels "prude," "tease," and "slut" are part of a system that judges women based on their adherence to expected sexual conduct, which is deeply problematic and harmful.
The author expresses that these labels are not only used to categorize and demean women but also contribute to a culture that trivializes violence against women, including rape and femicide.
The piece underscores the idea that a woman's enjoyment of her sexuality should not be a basis for judgment or a justification for violence.
It is emphasized that the responsibility for changing this entrenched language and mindset lies with individuals actively challenging these norms and intervening when they witness derogatory language being used.
The author advocates for a reevaluation of the words

A Prude, a Tease, and a Slut Walk Into a Bar

But this is not a joke

Hey, do you like 80’s movies?

Have you watched The Breakfast Club?

It has a kick-ass soundtrack, doesn’t it?

But we are not here to talk about music. We are here to talk about the following quote.

Well, if you say you haven’t, you’re a prude. If you say you have you’re a slut. It’s a trap.

The above phrase is spoken by Allison Reynolds (played by Ally Sheedy). She and Claire Standish (played by Molly Ringwald) are talking about sex, about the double standard used to judge women and their private lives.

It’s been 35 years since that movie came up. Lots of things have changed. Language? Not so much.

And it is not funny.

Words matter

We give names to everything around us. Until we have assigned a word for a particular object, it is even hard to comprehend it.

There are many different words we can use on a woman, the adult human female: lady, girl, lass, chick, maid, damsel…it all depends on what we intend to say about her.

It all depends on what we think about the way she behaves. Once we have observed her, we will pass our judgment and assign the proper word: the word she deserves.

Sexual behavior, of course, does not escape this system. Heck, it could be said that our perception of what a woman does or doesn’t do in the sheets will heavily influence our opinion of her.

First encounters

Calientacamas.

That’s Spanish. It’s the Mexican word for “a tease.” The literal translation is “bed warmer.” You are getting the idea now, right?

Basically, it means that you provoke a guy, make him think you are going to sleep with him, but, at the very last moment, you chicken out and make him go home in pain.

When I was a young girl, I heard this word many times. I didn’t exactly know what it was, but it sounded terrible.

It seemed something I should stay away from. However, I had other issues.

I was a prude.

I had been taught that engaging in any kind of pleasurable behavior was inherently “wrong.” Dirty. The best way to be safe was to stay away from boys. Hence, I was called a prude.

Turns out, that was also a bad thing.

Eventually, I did get a boyfriend. First, we would just kiss. Then, we found out there were other things we could do, all of them extremely fun.

However, I would draw a line. I mean, I did enjoy making out, but I was not ready to have sex. Whenever I stopped him, my boyfriend would call me a calientacamas.

Yeap, I was now a tease.

I found that label very egocentric. It meant he thought it was all about him.

Not quite.

I allowed him to kiss me, to touch me, because it was delicious. We were exploring together, seeing what it all felt like.

I was enjoying myself.

I wasn’t trying to seduce him. I was 13, what the heck would I even know about that?

I can’t shake the feeling that he threw that word at me mainly because that’s what he had learned to do: if you and a girl get hot and heavy, but she says she’s not ready for sex, then you call her a tease.

Of course, I couldn’t tell him my true reasons for making out with him. Had I said to him that I enjoyed what we were doing, then I would have been labeled a whole other thing.

The slut

As we all know, there is only one thing worse than being a prude or a tease: being a slut.

If you dress provocatively (whatever that means)…
If you enjoy sex…
If you accept that you like sex…
If you have sex…
If you have had sex with many different people (for some, many means more than one)…
If you have sex with someone you have no intention to marry…
If you haven’t done any of the above, but people think you have…

Then, my friend, you are a slut.

May God have mercy in your soul.

Language!

Oh, but things have changed, haven’t they?

Pal, where have you been?

A woman’s sexual behavior is still used to determine whether or not she has any sort of honorability, to determine whether or not she is a good person.

In my country, just in 2019, there were over a thousand femicides [1], often involving rape. Whenever that happens, the comments tend to follow the same old script: “Well, she was probably a slut.”

If you are a slut, you deserve to be raped. You deserve to be murdered.

People will shrug their shoulders and say, “well, what kind of a woman is out on the street at 2 am? What kind of woman has sex?”

Hhhmm…a free woman? A woman who lives in a country where every citizen has a right to be their whole self?

Maybe?

I have talked about this with a lot of people, men and women alike. I tend to get the same comment:

“Come on, girl. You know things are not like that. The world is a dangerous place. You have to be careful. Otherwise, you are asking for it.”

Talk about missing the point, huh?

To be safe

Ok, fellow ladies, these are the rules:

Don’t be a prude.
Also, don’t be a tease.
And, for everything sacred in this world: do not be a slut.

Other than that, you can do pretty much everything you want.

Kind of a tight spot, isn’t it? Not much room to move. But I guess that’s kind of the point.

Maybe it’s time for new rules?

For example, catch yourself when you are passing judgment on a woman based on what you think you know about her and her sex life. I know you have been programmed otherwise. Try, practice…do it! You’ll get the hang of it, I promise you.

Also, when someone tries to use this kind of derogatory terms, intervene. Raise your voice and say it is not ok to use this kind of language, and, above all, it is not our place to judge anyone.

This attitude won’t disappear on its own. We have to take steps to make it fade away. It will not be easy, but we can do it. After all, we are the ones who give words their power. Therefore, we can also take it away.

Remember, this is no laughing matter. Women’s lives are on the line.

[1] Femicide:

“Any act or conduct, based on gender, which causes death or physical, sexual, or psychological harm or suffering to women, whether in the public or the private sphere.”

From the Glossary of definitions of rape, femicide, and intimate partner violence