A Piece of My HEART
I am thankful for every painful experience I have endured because I am healed through creating from the heart.
I just realized something. It takes me longer to do things others do so quickly. Well, maybe what I perceive to be quick. But still… If you knew me, you would know that I am often in action before I can complete a thought, and I can be impatient more times than not. But as I was waiting in line, just a moment ago, I pondered on the need to allow myself the opportunity to revise my concepts, I create art, as many times as necessary, so that I walk away with a piece I believe in, knowing I gave it my best effort.
Immediately, my level of skill came to mind. I’ll be the first to say, making art, can be a grueling process. It constantly calls for one to acknowledge inadequacies, mistakes, and dislikes. And while the result is usually captivating and intriguing to others. I am often just happy to have made it through the journey.
But today, as I sit in contemplation about how I can assist myself in promoting positive change and growth, I realize, that painting a better picture of the Creative Journey (process), will afford me a more fruitful experience and deepen the relationship I share with the many ideas I have not yet become mature enough to nurture.
Here goes nothing…
Creating has always been a safe haven for me. In my times of loneliness and isolation, it was the one thing I ran to for moments of peace and solace amidst many painful nights. But I have failed to get the most out of my meeting with Love, cheaply using it as a means to escape the harsh environment of reality that has caused me so much pain, or so I thought. I skimmed through incomplete projects and unfleshed ideas, many of which brought me resistance to facing the facts, simply choosing to rush to the “fun” part of coloring and bringing my ideas to life.
Never grasping just how much I was selling myself short. For a long time, I looked to art to give me an identity. Cycling through different styles, I’ve experimented with abstract painting, acrylic pours, doodling, and continuous line drawings, to name a few, so wanting to find my way of creating. Wanting to feel secure. Wanting to believe in myself and represent the best of who I Am. I’m still in the process of figuring that one out…
Creating as a form of self-expression has been a therapeutic experience for me to say the least. I never realized the work it did on me as I worked on it, even if it was haphazardly. You see, I am chaotic. I am formless, living in a manifested reality.
Creating gives me a place to Be…. Boundless.
Unrestricted.
Uncontained.
I am brokenhearted. This isn’t a weakness, but a strength. The journey of growth through creating has given me access to parts of myself I ran from, thinking I was too weak or ugly to confront them and slay the dragon (lack of self-acceptance) that stood before me, so to speak. I am vulnerable, which too is a strength. Bearing witness to weaker aspects of my character puts me in the prime position to positively act on my own behalf. I am irrational.
What lies before me, is a stepping stone to the ideas and possibilities I have yet to imagine. I am thankful for every painful experience I have endured because I am healed through creating from the heart.
I encourage all of you, to find your light, and shine it as bright as you can. I serve to be a beacon to help guide those in search of something more, back home, back to their heart. Find what brings you joy and never let it go! As I have really enjoyed reading these articles, please take a moment to explore them on your own. And As always, Be well!
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