A New Year Is Not Always About Resolutions but Adapting to the Unexpected

Some things in life are beyond our control but we can manage our attitude

Let me begin with what I wrote in a previous essay published on 7 January.

“While everyone is full of enthusiasm for 2024, I can’t get it out of my head that next year he may be dead.”

I was referring to my husband, whose health has been steadily declining.

A crisis in life demands an exploration of our coping mechanisms, which include learning to ask for emotional and financial support when you desperately need it.

When he suffered a stroke two years ago, the challenge was to overcome my fear of rejection, my feelings of shame that I couldn’t help him on my own.

Navigating that unfamiliar terrain created a pivotal shift in my perspective because I asked and received — not only from family but writers here on Medium.

This time I hoped it may not be his COPD causing him to cough up blood but a bleeding stomach ulcer. Feeling confident I could raise the funds for him to see a doctor, I did so.

We saw the doctor on Friday, the result of which shows a major change in my life may come sooner than expected.

He has either a severe lung infection or cancer; that’s less of an unknown than before we saw the doc. I’m prepared to make the adjustment to whichever is the final diagnosis. We’ll only know later next week once the blood tests are back and his chest x-rays are completed on Monday.

I surprised myself by saying to the doc, “Whatever it is, it is.”

A sign I may need to transition to a future journey without him, depending on the outcome.

Last night in bed, my husband said he was worried about my being alone after he’s gone. He hoped I would find another companion with whom to share my life. I told him I wouldn’t want anyone else — I’d continue pursuing my passion for writing.

My answer satisfied him and amazed me because it came straight from my heart. My soul had reassured me I’d be able to make a fresh start without falling apart.

The day before we visited the doctor, I received a prescient email from Neale Donald Walsch, part of which reads:

“How can a sudden, calamitous event in one’s life be a blessing? It takes a longer view, I know, to see this wonderful truth. Even a diagnosis of a terminal illness could be seen as another gift from life when experienced from a particular perspective.”

It may not be cancer. However, any respiratory infection for someone with COPD can be life-threatening.

I view my current situation as an opportunity for growth — for my soul to expand and evolve with ease, grace and joy and not be fettered by wanting the man I love to stay, though his soul may decide it’s time to move on beyond this physical life.

I’ll respect his decision and will fill every one of his remaining days with a renewal of love, peace, happiness, and laughter.

Who knows? It may be years, but I don’t want to risk being over-optimistic.

Thank you for being here. I’m here too and remain strong.

…

The preceding is my response to Random Words Saturday from this week’s prompts compiled by Bella Smith ⭐.

She must have read my state of mind because I featured every word except for novelty in my essay. Way to go!