A New Widow in the Making

Facing Reality — Life Alone

The second hardest day of my life was the morning I woke up after my husband had died suddenly in front of me the morning before.

If you are a new widow, how do you cope as you keep living without your life partner?

What’s next for you?

There are a million questions in your mind.

Where do you go for the answers?

When I first opened my eyes and saw the beautiful sunlight pouring thru the bedroom windows, it seemed like every other morning. Then suddenly the events of yesterday came flooding back into my mind.

Was this a bad dream? Everything seemed normal.

I was lying in bed in our bedroom, but something was missing. Then I realized that I was alone. Getting out of bed, I went thru the motions of life. Brushing teeth, getting dressed and coffee. Lots of coffee!

This was the first morning in over 40 years that I had coffee alone. There was a certain amount of difficulty trying to swallow and eating was out of the question.

I sat in a chair in shock, total disbelief. The TV was on mute, and all the news stations were blathering on with the same subjects that were being reported on the day before.

Some things never change, but life as I knew it had changed forever.

Is this the way my life is going to be from now on?

Why didn’t I prepare for this new adventure?

Just a few short 24 hours ago, I was a married woman and then suddenly I became a widow. In a blink of an eye!

Shock and awe!

If only we knew when the last magical moment was taking place.

I paced around the house, going from room to room and imagining my husband coming down the stairs as I had seen him do so many mornings.

The house was very quiet, but the quiet was very loud.

Our dogs seemed to be restless and uneasy. They were sensing that something was not right, as my husband always spent time with them every morning.

Every day, there are both men and women that are experiencing the same thing I went through. We are all different but the grief we experience makes us all one.

“The loneliest moment in someone’s life is when they are watching their whole world fall apart and all they can do is stare blankly.” F. Scott Fitzgerald.

Stare blankly. That was me. In shock. I was like a deer in the headlights.

Couldn’t speak and barely breathing.

I actually completed some errands that my husband needed done. We were planning on doing them that morning and then going to lunch.

When I returned home, there was an eerie silence. The dogs greeted me at the door as usual. Looking around my home, everything looked normal. Just the way I left it. There was comfort in that.

Daily routine of life.

Many of us build our lives around our husbands and children. They always come first and then we consider ourselves. So therefore, we may not be prepared for the greatest loss we may ever know.

Don’t think it will never happen to you because you are younger, smarter or you have a good life and nothing bad can ever touch you.

I never thought I would be a widow and then have to sell my home.

My husband was very healthy, so his death was very unexpected. We were the perfect couple.

There’s much comfort in being part of a couple. Strength in numbers, I guess. Belonging to someone, having someone to lean on and depend on.

Someone to discuss the daily events.

Yes, I know that every husband is not dependable, but even so, you do get used to him being around.

And even with all his faults and shortcomings, you chose him. When he’s no longer around, you will miss the aggravation and his good points. There must be some! (Unless he is an abusive SOB, you won’t miss that! But that’s another article at another time.)

I would love to see him watching football again.

Now what? How do I take care of myself and all the other maintenance and expenses? My husband took care of everything.

I didn’t even know how to pump gas.

I soon got a crash course on real life!

Prepare yourself to be alone.

We never talked about the “what ifs.” A couple doesn’t have to be older to be faced with sudden death. Anyone can die at any given time from illness, accidents or being in the wrong place at the wrong time in today’s world.

But, at the very least, if you are prepared to be alone without your life partner, that will be one less stressful thing you have to think about.

If your partner doesn’t prepare for you by having a life insurance policy, then take this matter into your own hands.

Some men refuse to discuss life insurance. I have heard some say that they will not have life insurance so their wife will not have money to spend on another man after they die!

How ridiculous, but if that’s the case, so be it. You may have to take out a life insurance policy on your husband yourself.

And if you are not employed, you may need to find a way to save some money for yourself.

Think about it.

Taking one day at a time.

I have more yesterdays than I have tomorrows.

Today is the oldest I’ll ever be and the youngest I’ll ever be, so I am trying to get on track.

It’s so easy in life to take the little things for granted. Many times, I have thought about what I would like to say to my husband.

I would love 5 more minutes with him. One more “I love you.”

“One of the hardest things in life is having words in your heart that you can’t utter.” James Earl Jones.

One thing we all have in common is that we will all experience heartbreaking loss of loved ones. It’s never easy.

Loosening the grip of grief

As the years pass the grief that is being suffered may loosen its grip on your heart and soul. How many years will it take?

No one can answer that question. There is no right or wrong answer.

I have heard of people that never get past the loss of their life partner.

I handled my grief by retreating in my house. Isolating and not talking to anyone. Trying to sort everything out.

Time heals all wounds, but how much time do you need?

My mental state is improving slowly. I am trying to focus on my past interests.

Keeping busy is great for the mental state and helps to cope with depression.

Moving thru daily life at a snail’s pace.

I moved two years ago and there are many memories yet to be unpacked.

We are all different in the way we handle tragedy in our life.

Some people re-marry soon so as not to be alone. Some travel abroad, others hibernate or add pets to their lives.

You have to do whatever is right for you.

You will know when the time is right to make changes in your life.

Will the heartbreak ever end?

Both of my dogs passed away in 2022. They took a huge chunk of my heart and left me with many memories.

They just faded away from old age as dogs do. No matter how many years you have with them it’s never enough.

Losing a dear pet is one of life’s greatest heartbreaks. I am not sure my heart can take it. I am looking at the adoption sites, but I’m not quite ready yet.

My heart has to heal from losing my dogs before I can adopt again.

I will know when the time is right. Then I hope to find two doggies that are looking for a new home. I want to adopt two, so they’ll have each other. I want older dogs, no puppies for me.

Life throws challenges at each of us. None of us can escape it. It’s how we handle the challenges that matters. I try to imagine what’s next so I can prepare for it and remain calm.

My husband always told me to “Face reality.”

I’m trying.