A New Way to Deal With Your Most Annoying Pet Peeves

With a bit of creativity, find ways to disrupt the thought process and change annoyance to amusement

Pet peeves. We all have them. A few of mine include:

People who walk 3 or 4 across and block the entire walkway.

Those people who step off the escalator and stand in place to get their bearings.

People who snap their gum or chomp loudly — especially on public transit.

Talking during a live theater performance.

Singing loudly during a concert.

When somebody takes the last paper towel or sheet of toilet paper and doesn’t replace it.

When a car pulls out in front of me, I have to apply my breaks to let them in front of me — and they drive very slowly. Especially if there was ample space with no traffic behind me, they could’ve waited until I passed.

Tailgaters.

Screaming kids. barking dogs.

My list can go on, but you get the idea.

Jay Shetty, author, podcaster, and former monk, has some interesting ideas on responding to pet peeves.

His lesson begins with a story about a large family he knew. Mealtime for this family was always chaotic, with siblings arguing, teasing, joking, and playing with their food.

Things at the dinner table tended to get messy. Invariably somebody spilled a drink, and Dad would lose his mind.

It was his biggest pet peeve. He’d go nuts every time one of the kids spilled their cup. It happened all the time. And it ruined his mood.

Eventually, one of the daughters realized that Dad freaked out for the same reason every day. It gave her an idea of how to stop it.

The next time her little brother toppled a glass of iced tea, she sighed loudly and said dramatically — It wouldn’t be a day without a spill.

Everyone froze. They looked at Dad, not sure how he’d react.

He let out a big laugh.

From that day on, whenever one of the kids would spill a drink before Dad had time to get angry, somebody would roll their eyes and declare, “It wouldn’t be a day….”

The new approach ushered in a welcome change. It became a family catchphrase that eventually integrated into their family crest. One family member translated it into Latin.

Pattern Interrupt Behavior

Without realizing it, the family used what behavioral psychologists call pattern interrupt. It’s where you identify an unwanted pattern and then disrupt it to bring about a happier outcome.

In the example of the spilled beverages:

Pattern — spilled drinks cause Dad to lose his shit.

Disruption — cute saying that makes him laugh.

It’s an excellent way to start dealing with our pet peeves. It’s not worth getting so worked up over minor annoyances. We can identify and then preempt our reactions. When you’re in a neutral headspace, take a moment to consider those little annoyances that set you off.

I have a personal one. We have a beautiful, private garden. Sitting out in the early evening, enjoying a glass of wine, and listening to the birds and the water spilling into our pond is a very zen and peaceful experience.

We also have nearby neighbors with kids who scream and break the spell. I used to get very annoyed. One day, I blurted out. “I’ll give you a reason to scream!”

Now I don’t say this loud enough for the neighbors to hear me, but it does give us a chuckle, as I’m one of the calmest, most passive, and non-confrontational people you can meet, which makes it even funnier. This has become my pattern interrupt phrase.

If you want to recognize a pet peeve at the moment and mindfully initiate your pattern interrupt, you need to develop your powers of awareness and self-control.

We can step out of the rushing stream and choose a different path forward.

Bring to mind your biggest pet peeve. What can you do to disrupt that pattern? How can you intercept your anger?

It’s not always easy.

We have two spirited Corgis that bark loudly and often. I’m not a fan and find myself quickly annoyed with them. I’m trying to put some disruption process in place for that. So far, I’ve been completely unsuccessful.

Inspired by: Calm/The Daily Jay Podcast

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