A new-to-Homeschooling parent asks: Should I Send “Homework” with the Children when they go to their Dad’s?
Not unless he is 100% on board and asks for it.
Two similar questions were posted in a local group so I’ve combined them and the answers in today’s post.
Question:
I’m curious to know how you manage to homeschool when kids live with you and your ex for an equal amount of time.
How do you manage this, if the ex isn’t good at coordinating things & can be difficult to co-parent with? Do you manage all term lessons blocks and then just send kids off to the other parent with homework like material that you have prepared?
Does anyone here share kids with their ex on a fortnight about basis? I’m just wondering if we can still make homeschooling work this way? Any tips on how to ensure a successful homeschooling journey? How would you manage activities like gym classes etc?
Answer:
A: With my ex, what happens at my house is entirely separate from what happens at his house most of the time. There are a few crossovers, but definitely not the HS stuff.
With you and your ex, how on board is he with HS? If less than 100%, then I would let go of the expectation of him taking on that role. If the children are bored when they are with him, of course, they are welcome to take along a workbook or book they are reading, but again with no expectations attached.
At dad’s house, learning will still be happening. It will look different from the learning they are doing at your house and that is totally ok.
If the roles were reversed, would you be comfortable with your ex scheduling activities for the children on your time?
Be gentle. Be patient. Allow time for the co-parenting relationship to take root and grow. It will change over time.
Classes, unless they are online and their dad is 100% on board with them will be difficult given the distance.
It may be that online options or even distance ed may be better tools to use in these circumstances.
In my situation, I handle all of the home education which isn’t to say there aren’t learning opportunities happening at my daughter’s dad’s house, but they aren’t reported to me nor do I include them in my notes.
Boundaries are of the Utmost Importance in a Co-Parenting Relationship
Many people struggle with boundaries as well as communication. These basic tools are not taught in school settings and most homes lack these basic skill sets. I know I am still learning them.
When an adult relationship ends, especially when they are children involved, one parent often seems to expect to run the show in the other person’s house concerning the children. That’s not an example of healthy boundaries.
If the two adults were on the same page as far as child-rearing tactics are concerned, it is likely their relationship wouldn’t have ended. So to expect that parent A can run the show at parent B’s house is unrealistic and is going to cause endless problems not only between the parents but for the children as well.
Let go of that expectation.
You do you and your home. The other parent does themselves and their home.
Healthy boundaries.
If you struggle with having and maintaining healthy boundaries in your relationships, allow me to suggest the book “Boundaries with Kids” by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend.
“Boundaries with Kids” is specifically a tool for parents to use in teaching healthy boundaries to their children, but it is also a tool for parents to improve their own understanding and maintaining of boundaries.
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