A Narcissist’s Baiting Tricks: How They Keep You Hooked

Inside Their Bag of Tricks and How to Bat Them Off

Have you ever tried to distance yourself from a narcissist, only to be sucked back into their hole of misery?

Or blow up at them when trying the ‘no reaction is the best reaction’ approach?

If so, don’t beat yourself up. They’ve likely deployed their last line of defense: Baiting tactics.

These tactics are designed to trigger you and are carefully constructed around your hopes, dreams, and fears. Which makes them very compelling.

Here’s 4 to watch out for:

Intrigue

The narcissist will offer a vague comment, story, or snippet of information designed to trigger anxiety or interest.

For example: ‘There’s something really important we need to discuss. I can’t talk right now; I’m getting my nails done. Make sure to call me later.’

By pitching this insanely curious idea to you, it creates an ‘open loop’ in your mind. Human brains don’t do well with ambiguity. So this information (only accessible through them) will leave you stewing all day.

The aim is to keep you in contact and suspense, to feed their vital supply of attention. It’s also a dick-power move.

And when you finally get hold of them to elicit the ever-so-important information, it’ll be something totally insignificant. Or massive, like cancer.

More often than not, though, they conveniently ‘forget’ what Earth-shattering revelation they were sitting on.

What to do: DO NOT say, ‘Please, tell me now! Super quickly!’ — that gives them the power they crave.

Instead, be nonchalant. Quirk ‘okay’ and divert the conversation onwards to something trivial.

When the narc realizes you’re not taking the bait — they’ll either say it there and then, or cut communication. If they do the latter, you know it was just bait.

Scaremongering

This tactic is designed to trigger fear and anxiety.

Basically, a narcissist is trying to impose their bullshit on others.

They’ll use exaggerated or unfounded claims to create a sense of urgency or impending doom. e.g.

‘You could never manage this on your own. You’d fail and end up bankrupt and homeless.’

If you don't call me back, I’ll expose you for the chaotic mess you are.’

This is an effective way of baiting you out of a ‘no contact’ spell or to further entrap you into dependency. A devious mind game.

And when you come running back, it feeds the narcissist's sense of superiority, control, and power.

What to do: Point out that this statement is devoid of rationality and blown way out of proportion.

That, or ‘oh right, lovely.’ (no reaction is always the best reaction).

Bear in mind these are mostly empty threats. Proper ‘clutching at straws’ behavior on their end.

But if there are life-ruining consequences at stake, be sure to keep a log. This documentation can be used legally (if it comes to it).

Also, if you tell them you’re keeping a record that’ll stand in court, they’ll back off. Even if you are just playing their bluff.

Stonewalling

Probably the most prolific (and enraging) in the baiting technique repertoire.

Stonewalling is a flat-out refusal to communicate. If you try to open the conversational channel, they’ll ignore or avoid you. Like a child.

You’ll hear phrases like:

I’m done with the conversation

You only want to complain

Body language also plays a huge role in blanking you. Eye rolling, deep sighing, focusing everywhere but you.

Stonewalling will be deployed after an argument or when you’re buzzing to share a brilliant idea/fascinating perspective. It’ll be shot down as soon as you show enthusiasm.

Which is invalidating, infuriating, and leaves problems unsolved — creating a breeding ground for resentment.

The narcissist uses this method to avoid accountability and regain their sense of superiority. On top of it being a mega confidence knocker.

What to do: Just leave. Or say you need a break. Pull the ‘you’re behaving like a child’ card and walk away, and don’t stick around to listen to the torrent of abuse.

False Hope

This is a false promise. A vision that the narcissist has carefully constructed around your values, hopes, and dreams.

With no intent of following through, of course.

Think of the carrot on the stick analogy when you're spinning around in a hamster wheel.

The narcissist will make you believe this promise is imminent - right around the corner. However, it’s always delayed by exterior circumstances (never their fault, of course.)

They know the pull of false hope is unbelievably powerful. I was got good by this one.

In 2022, I was working for a narcissist who happened to be my boyfriend (defo up there in my list of life's most terrible choices).

He strung me along with, ‘I’ll give you a bonus of 5 million pounds, and we're going to live in a penthouse in New York.’

Which is ludicrous, I know. But I was in a pretty bad place mentally.

The reality was that he never even paid me. But I was so invested in this illusion that I stuck around embarrassingly longer than I care to admit.

The abuse I weathered during this waiting period increased tenfold. He pushed my tolerance bar dramatically upwards because the malignant pull of this fever dream was too much for me to give up.

Eventually, I escaped when he was on holiday with his mother.

What to do: Do what I wish I did. Wake up and realize this fever dream is never going to manifest. Cut your losses and get out ASAP.

And if you’re beholden to the sunk time fallacy (you’ve come this far, why not further? idea), set a deadline. Tell them.

And on that day, go. No ifs, no buts.

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