A Mindset that Eliminates Self-Sabotage

How to avoid self-canceling vindictiveness in personal development

In my recent coaching career, I had clients who were hard on themselves for not reaching their goals. Often, they sabotaged themselves by needless self-blaming.

Now I have learned some new perspectives that can end needless self-canceling errors. This essay will address the issue of what to do when your expectations fall short of your willingness to follow your program.

The term ‘mentalization’ in psychology is the ability to understand the mental state of oneself or others that underlies overt behavior.

Mentalization is an imaginative mental activity that lets us perceive and interpret behavior regarding needs, desires, feelings, beliefs, goals, purposes, and reasons.

You may, as I do, have a program or array of overt behaviors that express the underlying mental status of needs, desires, etc. These behaviors serve either personal developmental goals or career objectives.

Mental States

My underlying mental state supports an overall program of advancing self-worth and self-confidence. Lack of self-worth and confidence is my deficit area that I am always looking for ways to improve.

You also may have some such program. Your plan is to promote a particular skill or competency or find success on the material plane as in monetary rewards. Or enhancing your power and influence over others might represent your passion.

Compliance with Admonitions

Whatever the purpose, you face an array of disciplines and actions needed to fulfill that purpose. My client’s problem was how to comply with the inner guide’s directives that recommend how much time and energy to invest in goal pursuits.

In my case, I had many actions and habits to attain the goals of more worthiness and confidence. But I was falling short. And I still have these feelings. I ask myself: could I be doing more? Am I not successful because I don’t do enough?

If this is the case for you, I recommend taking a deep look at the possible reasons for limiting your production. Journalize or do deep introspection to uncover what is holding you back.

Unconscious Vindictiveness

It is possible, as I discovered, that what is holding you back is unconscious vindictiveness.

Hoffman Program

Bob Hoffman is the founder of the Hoffman Quadrinity Process, which I participated in some years ago. He introduced the idea of unconscious vindictiveness as a cause of resistance and lack of productivity.

Hoffman argues that our reaction to events is automatic and programmed. Due to the programs of the emotional child, we develop vindictive attitudes toward our mother or father.

The Quadrinity Process is supposed to disconnect you from the programs that cause your unconscious vindictiveness as expressed in failure, passivity, and lack of a fulfilling life.

Although I participated in the Hoffman program, this is not the place to go into the mechanics of disconnecting from the emotional child. However, the concept of unconscious vindictiveness has proved helpful to me in my journey.

If you find yourself unable to be as productive as you would like, you might consider unconscious vindictiveness as the cause. Although a weak will or laziness might fit your case, further introspection might reveal the unconscious resentment against a former caretaker or authority figure fits the bill.

I invite you to look at this perspective as an alternative explanation. Self-cancellation is not a pretty picture. This self-imprisonment happens when your progress conflicts with underlying drives to express unexpressed grievances.

Choose an interpretation that frees you to unleash positive energy for moving forward; it will look like an attractive alternative.

Conclusion

Mentalization is an imaginative mental activity that lets us perceive and interpret behavior regarding needs, desires, feelings, beliefs, goals, purposes, and reasons. You may, as I do, have a program or array of overt behaviors that express the underlying mental status of needs, desires, etc. My underlying mental state supports an overall program of advancing self-worth and self-confidence. The Hoffman program offers valuable ideas for improving productivity by eliminating unconscious vindictiveness if appropriate.

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