A Mind-Blowing Heart Expanding Soul Nourishing Wedding Ceremony
We’ll begin with a story to share how we (you, your partner and I — a licensed Hawai’ian wedding officiant and social worker — masters level) co-create wedding ceremonies that dramatically increase your ability to experience a long, happy, healthy life together . . .
Meet a fictional couple planning to get married — Jamie and Terry.
Before posting invitations Jamie, Terry and I spend a few months mindfully co-creating an experience unlike most wedding ceremonies. During our planning time we often discover topics partners need to spend some time exploring. Before you decide to have a wedding ceremony I ask you:
- are you both on good terms with your grandparents (if still alive) as well as your parents (if still alive)?
- Has each side of your respected circles of families and friends embraced you both in ways that’ll enhance and support your partnership for years to come?
- Have you mindfully explored your lineage and related traditions? How will you honor (or acknowledge new) traditions?
- What kind of support do you have (individually and collectively) to nurture your coupledom for decades to come.
Okay — onto a sneak-preview of the wedding day . . .
As a guest you enter a space tastefully filled with poster size pictures of immediate family members from both Jamie and Terry’s family. Terry and Jamie swapped the expensive flower arrangements (flowers lasting a few days) with quality printed posters featuring their closest family members and friends. On the back of each poster is a unique hand-written message from Jamie and Terry to the people pictured on the poster to commemorate their special day. (After the ceremony these posters become gifts for those pictured in the poster.)
As you settle into your seat you notice a few people comfortably seated on what appears to be center stage (think dais, stage, alter). As the moments between being seated and the time Jamie and Terry’s 20 minute(ish) ceremony begins you hear light banter mixed with background music and bubbles of laughs. Looking around you begin to notice those already on center stage are also the same faces featured in the posters.
At the appointed time the musician clearly shifts the spotlight onto Jamie and Terry’s entrance. The wedding couple selected a dozen (or so) souls to usher them down the isle to then take seats that form a semi-circle around Jamie and Terry. As we watch the entrance procession we notice there’s no matching outfits. Each person wears what they believe is appropriate for this event. There’s no robed officiant commanding center stage.
Within a couple minutes everyone is settle. Terry’s Grandmother stands. She introduces herself then welcomes everyone and introduces Jamie’s father. Jamie’s father affirms the welcoming as well as offers a minute or two’s review of what’s planned over the next 15 minutes.
Next up is Jamie’s Mom. She introduces herself before she reminds everyone of the importance of this special day — a day where two unique circles of relationships join together thanks to Jamie’s and Terry’s love and desire for marriage. Within a couple minutes she introduces Terry’s Mom to stand and orchestrate the the exchanging of vows between Jamie and Terry as well as all those in attendance.
Terry’s Mom begins by sharing how this day is the first day of a formal union of two families as well as a diverse circle of friends, co-workers (classmates, etc.). Terry’s Mom then introduces her husband (Terry’s Dad) to lead the first step of taking vows. Terry’s Dad invites two people representing what traditionally is know as a maid of honor and / or best man to stand. These two special folks stand (seated outside center stage) to introduce themselves; share a quick reference to how they know Jamie and Terry by sharing a very short fun story. They then invite everyone to stand to take a vow to support Jamie and Terry BEFORE the soon to be married couple share their vows.
Everyone glances up to read projected text (saves program printing and paper costs). Jamie and Terry crafted a few short sentences containing what they seek from attendees as life unfolds. With everyone standing (and the start of some lovely background music) Jamie and Terry’s two special friends invite one and all to repeat after them — the vows they make to Jamie and Terry.
With the first set of vows complete Terry’s Dad then introduces Jamie’s Grandma to share a story about how she and Jamie’s Grandpa successfully navigated decades of marriage together. Mix with a balance of wit and wisdom she has everyone on the verge of tears and laughter as she winds-up her five-minute-ish story.
Jamie’s Grandma then introduces her husband to conduct the next set of vows — Jamie’s vows to Terry. Jamie’s Grandma ceremonially binds Jamie to Terry. A ring? A strand of flowers? All depends of what’s planned. Terry’s Grandpa then stands to lead Terry’s vows.
With both sets of vows completed Terry’s Grandpa motions for me to take center stage. With a HUGE smile (and often a tear in my eye) I display Jamie and Terry’s wedding license. I motion Jamie and Terry to sign this legal document first. As I sign their certificate I announce my delight to introduce the newest wedded couple on the planet. Invitations for kisses and applause queue’s the processional music.
Done
The ceremony I just described places equal emphasis on the marriage between two people as well as the joining of two circles of unique relationships. As we co-create this event partners often encounter issues they need to address before signing a marriage license.
From what you just read you guess at how I turn planning a wedding ceremony into a full-on couples coaching journey. As we explore what you want to happen we uncover stuff you two may have avoided talking about. (Stuff you better talk about before spending the time and effort to plan an event designed to merge two families into a unique timeline called life.)
Granted this brief narrative highlights key planning and staging steps. Feel free to tinker with this recipe to co-create a mind-blowing heart expanding soul nourishing wedding ceremony.
