A Meditation On How My Body Does Not Work

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r my left hand. So I sit and stare and imagine I am doing them. This is supposed to be the next best thing to actually doing the exercises.It is maddening to watch my hand struggle to lightly grasp the motion sensing disc to try to roll it back and forth on the table; something I can do right handed without thinking. So I spend most of the exercise sessions thinking about how my right side works automatically and my left side doesn’t seem to hear a thing my brain is telling it.Technically, I shouldn’t be able to ride a horse because my sense of balance is very poor and I’m weak and spastic. But, I started taking adaptive riding lessons one year after I had the stroke and have been at i

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t ever since. I have won ribbons in every horse show I competed in.So, how do I do it?I can’t make my body do what I want so it is more that I allow it to ride the horse.The hardest part of getting onto the horse in the winter sessions is walking to the mounting block. It’s a long, slow trudge over the uneven terrain of the riding ring where the horses walk and trot, making divots in the dirt. Once I’m on, I allow my body to ride the horse rather than try to force it to do so.© <a href="https://readmedium.com/6efde2d19a49?source=follow_footer---------1-----------------follow_footer-----------">Victoria Ponte</a> 2021</article></body>

What It’s Like To Have Only Half of a Functioning Body

I sit and stare at the screen of the tablet that prompts me to exercise the paralyzed parts of my body. High repetitions of movement are supposed to be the only way to re-wire my brain to communicate properly with the left side of my body which was rendered nearly useless by a stroke 22 years ago.

I simply cannot do a good number of the movements, especially those for my left hand. So I sit and stare and imagine I am doing them. This is supposed to be the next best thing to actually doing the exercises.

It is maddening to watch my hand struggle to lightly grasp the motion sensing disc to try to roll it back and forth on the table; something I can do right handed without thinking. So I spend most of the exercise sessions thinking about how my right side works automatically and my left side doesn’t seem to hear a thing my brain is telling it.

Technically, I shouldn’t be able to ride a horse because my sense of balance is very poor and I’m weak and spastic. But, I started taking adaptive riding lessons one year after I had the stroke and have been at it ever since. I have won ribbons in every horse show I competed in.

So, how do I do it?

I can’t make my body do what I want so it is more that I allow it to ride the horse.

The hardest part of getting onto the horse in the winter sessions is walking to the mounting block. It’s a long, slow trudge over the uneven terrain of the riding ring where the horses walk and trot, making divots in the dirt. Once I’m on, I allow my body to ride the horse rather than try to force it to do so.