A Massive Red Flag — a Huge Indicator of Abuse But No One Talks About

There is one giant red flag that most, if not all, experts on narcissism or narcissistic abuse don’t highlight, emphasize, or even mention.

Foreword.

I sometimes have feelings, thoughts, and questions about specific things, behaviors, or places with, of course, all its memories. Unfortunately, these are usually the things that I have not been able to place where they might belong to or relate to.

Reading an article about ‘ sick building syndrome’ brought me back to my childhood, some workplaces, and my last relationship in which I needed time alone to think things through. I feared for my life daily and went to a hotel for 15 days, and to this day, I did not return.

“In the meantime, we all know what the so-called red flags are and what they mean, what they look like, and so we can identify them.”

I have noticed dozens of them, and I bet you have also seen them.

And suppose we don’t see them instantly or early enough. In that case, we still have our gut feeling telling us that something is off, but for whatever reason, we ignore it most of the time.

I was raised with the ‘belief’ that ‘the red flags’ are all part of life where you have to learn to live with them and deal with them. But, unfortunately, life is not perfect, and neither are people…

One Giant red flag.

There is this giant red flag that most experts on narcissism or narcissistic abuse don’t highlight, emphasize, or even mention.

This is one of the most significant indicators of abuse, specifically narcissistic abuse. Still, it might be related to other forms of abuse.

If you dread going home and your home has become one of the worst places you don’t want to be, something is seriously wrong.

Our home is supposed to be our haven, where you can rest, digest, be yourself, and don’t have to act.

If your home has become the opposite of that, you genuinely need to pay attention. This isn’t something that should be happening.

“This is not about not wanting to go home because your work is exhausting, and then you are more anticipating work at home, and you don’t want to do that. It could be, but there must be a pattern first.”

So, it’s a wrenching feeling of not wanting to be there, not at that place. You would rather spend hours wandering around or sitting in a park or any other public place instead of wanting to go home.

Why? Because you know and feel that if you go home, you will face what the issue is.

People often don’t know what it is, but I call it continuous and relentless abuse.

You have to muster the courage and the energy to go back.

You have probably been thinking hours beforehand to foresee what could go wrong and how you can make it right at this right moment. You become incredibly controlling because of the unpredictability and the chaos.

You don’t want to go home because you are tired of all the drama they put you through. You are even dead tired of the fatigue you experience by being constantly hypervigilant, hyper-alert, and hyper-attuned to your environment.

You filter every word you want to say, constrict your moves, and do not want to drop the shoe because you don’t want to do something wrong that potentially triggers the person you are with. Doing this is not easy, and doing this all the time doesn’t make it easier.

It creates an overwhelming demand on your body, and you stay in a survival state 24/7, which should not be your dominant state. You are not supposed to function this way. Everyone should be relaxed most of the time.

That’s how it’s supposed to be, and you are not. This consumes you, which is why your body wants to run away. It has dried off its resources.

Being home makes you sick.

Once inside your home, you are NEVER at peace because someone is continuously hovering over you, following you, and looking for conflict. Then, if there is nothing to argue about, they will bring up something you said or did from your past and make this an issue now.

You can’t eat, or not correctly. You are not able to relax or watch TV. There is no way to do something that makes you feel happy.

This home has become a place where you go to only to sleep, shower, and prepare for the next day.

It should be surprising that you enjoy being outside more than at home. So naturally, you try to spend as much time outdoors as possible…

If you have to live outside your home to feel peace, that means that your home is not your place to be in.

Impact and intent.

People want to go home. It provides them with safety and a feeling of comfort. Their homes are their Havens. But your home has become your Hell.

This is something to think about very seriously.

Suppose nothing about narcissism or abuse makes sense to you (denial). In that case, you need to consider this situation’s impact on you. The effect is always more significant than the intent.

You can ask questions like, are they a narcissist? Why, how, and so on. Maybe they don’t fit the criteria, or perhaps it’s a conflict that we can resolve. Disagreements happen everywhere, so it doesn’t have to be narcissism…

You need to understand that nobody feels that way about their home. Nobody wants to stay outside and dreads going home. Nobody thinks ten times before they say anything because they are afraid of saying something wrong.

If nothing breaks your cognitive dissonance, these questions and awareness should be because you should become aware that your home is supposed to be a place of comfort and safety.

It would be best to focus on the impact rather than the intent. This is because the plan may never become clear to you. Impact always will.

It would be best to look at the things happening to you. What this person is doing to you and how they impact you, your feelings, and your thoughts.

• How are you feeling? What are you thinking? Is it positive? Doubtful? Negative?
• Are you losing touch with your reality?
• Do you think you are exhausted all the time?
• Do you feel this person acts like an energy vampire who feeds on you and your soul?

If your answer to one of the questions is ‘yes,’ you should run!

This is not a safe person to be around, regardless of their level/type of narcissism. You shouldn’t be with such a person because they are your biggest enemy!

Final words.

In short, the family had no joy, happiness, or sense of togetherness. On the contrary, it always felt lonely, painful, and fearful.

It makes sense that I never wanted to return and spend the night at a friend’s place. There, you could feel some predictability. But, anything or any place that offered me peace, I wanted to be there and stay there.

Coming home wasn’t coming home for me.

If your home is the place of your torture and the last place you want to go to, you’ll need to reconsider your choices and look at your decisions. You’ll need to think about the person you are with.

Please consider the impact more than feeling the intent.

Look at your emotions and feelings to take feedback from your body.

Your body will always tell the truth!

Thank you for reading until the end 🧡.

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