A Man's View of Tinder Photos

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Abstract

king. These are not women from those far off places who are visiting New York when Tinder displays them. They’re home! What the fuck is that?But that’s not really what I want to talk about today. It’s the girls’ photos. Talk about clueless half the time. For starters, take off the fucking mask. I don’t want to know what you’d look like sticking me up in a dark alley. Yes, I know there’s a pandemic going on. I didn’t need you to tell me. Don’t insult my intelligence.Second, lose the dog or cat. A picture of a pet licking your mouth isn’t going to make me want to date you. I get it. You love your pet. But it’s not a surrogate for a man. Get over it.Third, don’t show me a photo with you and a friend or two. Especially in the feature photo. I don’t know who’s who! And I don’t want to guess. I’m judging you

Options

in a microsecond. Don’t confuse me.Next! Don’t use a photo of a seashore or flower as your main image. You are who guys want to date and/or have sex with. Not a lobster.And hey! Lose the kid (or kids). I’m not looking to have sex with your children. I’m looking to have sex with you. This is Tinder. Not eharmony. If I wanted a real relationship, I’d go elsewhere.And finally, show me your body. These closeups are dog shit. I wanna see coives! I’m a man (woof)! And while I’m at it, I don’t want to see half your face. How am I supposed to know if the other half isn’t badly scarred? Or you have Bell’s Palsy?Ok! I’ve said my piece. Now it’s time to book a flight to Ghana so I can take that hot girl out for a cup of coffee. I have no time for this bullshit.</article></body>

What are these women thinking?

Dayron Villaverde — Pixabay

I have a confession to make. The pandemic drove me to Tinder. What can I say? I was bored. Tinder is bullshit if you ask me. I set my parameters to 10 miles and what happened? All my best matches come from halfway around the world. Yes, I’m gratified that some pretty hot women swiped left on me. But I’m not about to hop on a plane for a date. Just not that lonely. What can I say?

Here’s my first complaint about the platform: Hey Tinder! If I set my account to 10 miles, why are you offering me matches from Africa or Hong Kong? And no, I know what you’re thinking. These are not women from those far off places who are visiting New York when Tinder displays them. They’re home! What the fuck is that?

But that’s not really what I want to talk about today. It’s the girls’ photos. Talk about clueless half the time. For starters, take off the fucking mask. I don’t want to know what you’d look like sticking me up in a dark alley. Yes, I know there’s a pandemic going on. I didn’t need you to tell me. Don’t insult my intelligence.

Second, lose the dog or cat. A picture of a pet licking your mouth isn’t going to make me want to date you. I get it. You love your pet. But it’s not a surrogate for a man. Get over it.

Third, don’t show me a photo with you and a friend or two. Especially in the feature photo. I don’t know who’s who! And I don’t want to guess. I’m judging you in a microsecond. Don’t confuse me.

Next! Don’t use a photo of a seashore or flower as your main image. You are who guys want to date and/or have sex with. Not a lobster.

And hey! Lose the kid (or kids). I’m not looking to have sex with your children. I’m looking to have sex with you. This is Tinder. Not eharmony. If I wanted a real relationship, I’d go elsewhere.

And finally, show me your body. These closeups are dog shit. I wanna see coives! I’m a man (woof)! And while I’m at it, I don’t want to see half your face. How am I supposed to know if the other half isn’t badly scarred? Or you have Bell’s Palsy?

Ok! I’ve said my piece. Now it’s time to book a flight to Ghana so I can take that hot girl out for a cup of coffee. I have no time for this bullshit.