A MAGA Guide to Understanding the Solar Eclipse

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the south and midwest — not coincidentally known to coastal elites as “The Flyover States” — turning day to night as it passes.</p><p id="1d5e">At key locations, including Dallas, Texas (JFK assassination), East Palestine, Ohio (2023 train derailment) and Columbus, Indiana (birthplace of Mike Pence), Kamala Harris will descend from the craft in a cloud of chemtrails to spraypaint pentagrams in the town square. These Satanic symbols are quantum portals for undocumented migrants and time-travellers to enter the country as sleeper agents until the FEMA slave camps are ready. While you’ll be able to recognize the time-travellers by their fringed vests and powdered wigs, the undocumenteds often appear as humans with extra melanin.</p><p id="bec7">With America distracted by darkness, Joe Biden will fly to the CERN supercollider in Switzerland to infuse his blood with Higgs-Bosum particles, allowing him to manipulate voting machines with his mind. After that, he’ll meet with globalists for a brisket dinner while they plot to replace the US dollar with the digital gaming currency Robux.</p><p id="ff96">Back in the smouldering ruins of the United States, the Obamacraft will cross the border into Canada, where its crew of Men in Black and transgendered folk singers will join Justin Trudeau, Ryan Reynolds, and other lizard people at a party celebrating the triumph of Socialism.</p><h2 id="f345">What should I do?</h2><p id="8d5e">The liberal darkness is meant to cause panic, but don’t fall for it. Anyone reading this should head immediately to Walmart and buy as much toilet paper and ammunition as they’ll allow, then barricade yo

Options

urself in the basement. You’ll also need three Geiger counters, a ham radio, an XXL Faraday cage and seven hundred pounds of freeze-dried hash, all of which can be obtained from my online store for a very reasonable price.</p><h2 id="38fe">So are we doomed?</h2><p id="e6b1">By no means.</p><p id="6f50">President Trump is well aware of what’s going on and has plans to thwart the demonic machinations of the libtards. I’m not permitted to give details, but he’s currently meeting with Elon Musk, Jordan Peterson, and Jesus in a secret underground bunker to map out the next steps in winning this war. If there is no perceptible effect from the eclipse, their plan has succeeded and you’ll know I’m telling the truth.</p><p id="8ee0">God bless us all in the coming struggle with darkness and don’t forget your eclipse glasses, available from my Etsy shop.</p><p id="e0e0">Charlemagne Champagne III Sovereign Citizen</p><div id="0866" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/howdy-partner-a-guide-for-canadians-moving-to-a-red-state-de661f86ecc5"> <div> <div> <h2>Howdy, Partner! A Guide For Canadians Moving to a Red State</h2> <div><h3>Everything you need to know about leaving your pestilent Communist hellhole to join us in the Land of the Free!</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*Wn6aqJn8L2Bj1JKa-eAy_A.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div></article></body>

Don’t believe Big Astronomy

aeonWAVE and perfect_kabob on Shutterstock.com, modified by author

You’ve heard that on Monday, April 8, parts of the United States and probably other countries will experience a solar eclipse. If you consume lamestream media, you might think this is a well-understood natural phenomenon caused by the moon casting its shadow as it passes between the sun and the Earth.

Sure, and Joe Biden won the 2020 election.

Do you think it’s a coincidence that “Moonshadow” is the name of a song by the former Cat Stevens, who later changed his name to Yusuf Islam? There’s your first clue that you’re being lied to. The so-called eclipse is part of the Great Replacement, where “traditional” Americans will be replaced by scruffy, mellow singer-songwriters in denim shirts.

Here’s how it will all go down

Apologies, my evidence board is too big to get a picture of from inside my room, so try to follow along without visuals.

At noon on April 8, a mile-wide flying saucer reverse-engineered from alien technology will lift off from Area 51 in Nevada. It will activate its cloaking device, then proceed slowly across the south and midwest — not coincidentally known to coastal elites as “The Flyover States” — turning day to night as it passes.

At key locations, including Dallas, Texas (JFK assassination), East Palestine, Ohio (2023 train derailment) and Columbus, Indiana (birthplace of Mike Pence), Kamala Harris will descend from the craft in a cloud of chemtrails to spraypaint pentagrams in the town square. These Satanic symbols are quantum portals for undocumented migrants and time-travellers to enter the country as sleeper agents until the FEMA slave camps are ready. While you’ll be able to recognize the time-travellers by their fringed vests and powdered wigs, the undocumenteds often appear as humans with extra melanin.

With America distracted by darkness, Joe Biden will fly to the CERN supercollider in Switzerland to infuse his blood with Higgs-Bosum particles, allowing him to manipulate voting machines with his mind. After that, he’ll meet with globalists for a brisket dinner while they plot to replace the US dollar with the digital gaming currency Robux.

Back in the smouldering ruins of the United States, the Obamacraft will cross the border into Canada, where its crew of Men in Black and transgendered folk singers will join Justin Trudeau, Ryan Reynolds, and other lizard people at a party celebrating the triumph of Socialism.

What should I do?

The liberal darkness is meant to cause panic, but don’t fall for it. Anyone reading this should head immediately to Walmart and buy as much toilet paper and ammunition as they’ll allow, then barricade yourself in the basement. You’ll also need three Geiger counters, a ham radio, an XXL Faraday cage and seven hundred pounds of freeze-dried hash, all of which can be obtained from my online store for a very reasonable price.

So are we doomed?

By no means.

President Trump is well aware of what’s going on and has plans to thwart the demonic machinations of the libtards. I’m not permitted to give details, but he’s currently meeting with Elon Musk, Jordan Peterson, and Jesus in a secret underground bunker to map out the next steps in winning this war. If there is no perceptible effect from the eclipse, their plan has succeeded and you’ll know I’m telling the truth.

God bless us all in the coming struggle with darkness and don’t forget your eclipse glasses, available from my Etsy shop.

Charlemagne Champagne III Sovereign Citizen