CORONAVIRUS HUMOR
A Love Letter to Mine Vax’d Friends
a dram of black (death) humour to lighteneth thy day!
While indoor gatherings are risky in the time of the new plague, I couldn’t help but have a little Shakespearean, plague-language fun when a dear friend broke the news to us that on the morning of our last soiree, she may have been exposed during a visit to her tax attorney’s office.
COVID-19 caution remains essential! We must get vaccinated and continue wearing our masks when out and about.
But with the new variants, this is in some ways, no longer a disease of behavior as much as it is a disease of, well, breathing. This contagion is rapidly mutating and our scientists and medical professionals are doing all they can just to keep up. And just to be clear:
Scientists, Medical Professionals, and so many others worldwide are HEROES OF THE PANDEMIC!!!
And if I have to eviscerate one more American idiot who says otherwise, I am going to be forced to change strategies from evisceration to euthanization. Trust and believe, you don’t want any part of that!
But I digress…
All of my closest friends are triple vax’d and will line up for the fourth jab when the time is nye.
We appreciate our dear friend passing on the protective news but we respect each other enough to know that, if any one of us is exposed it is not due to carelessness for above all else, we are of one mind when it comes to both the science and protecting the people we love.
Plus, as you scroll down I think you’ll find there are worse things than COVID-19. Yes, tax attorneys, I’m talkin’ to you.
So, without Much further Ado About Nothing...
This goes out to all the lovers out there and is followed by a translation cuz, ya know, I’m a giver.
Tap tap. Is this thing on? tryeth the chicken!
lief l’rd and mistress grizzled,
a pall didst falleth at which hour the missive carrying the news of thy brusheth with the plague didst reacheth our depress’d village in bottom shockoe, affectionately ref’rr’d to by fusty richmond’rs as simply B.S.
thy kindness extends far beyond which we partygo’rs may des’rve.
What i writeth to sayeth is yond with ev’ry breath cometh risketh, and i f’r one am hon’r’d to risketh with the likes of thee vax’d.
howev’r yond hath said mistress, art thee not acknown at which hour thee venture into the lair of the tax att’rney, thee taketh thy life into thy hands.
s’riously Gurrrl?!
All mine own loveth.
Andrew, Lord Star-bury, Earl of Troi Marquess of Needless and Dopey Baron of B.S Sir Loin of Beef and the Right Honourable Quarter of Ten
And, as promised, the translation:
Hey Guys,
Thanks for the heads up, but seriously dude, did you really not know about TAX ATTORNEYS? I mean like honestly? No, really? Seriously? Cuz I really want to know. You jokin’ me right? Come on. You playin’ me? Seriously? Really?
Deuces! Peace out.
Andrew, Lord Star-bury, Earl of Troi Marquess of Needless and Dopey Baron of B.S Sir Loin of Beef and the Right Honourable Quarter of Ten
Yeah I know, peerage is undemocratic. But if I give up all my titles, how are people going to know that I am inherently better than they are?
And now it's time for a breakdown. Actually, it’s time for a shoutout but don’t you miss En Vogue? I know I do.
This is my favorite part of writing for Coffee Times: Shoutout Love! Especially when the recipient is someone close to my heart.
Katie Michaelson, the founding editor of The Daily Cuppa, is a friend and den mother to both new and seasoned writers, and many, many others. She doesn’t like it when people go on and on about her so I won’t. I’ll just say this:
In a world that often feels uncaring and unsafe, she creates love and safety wherever she goes. She’s a helluva writer and a helluva dame and we are all the better when she shows up.
And you best believe…Ms. Katie shows up! Dear Lady, we love you!