A Lobster Put My Life in Perspective

And taught me more about the importance of automation, relationships, and hydration in 3 days than I’ve learned in the past 3 decades.

Let me preface this with the fact that I love seafood. I love sushi, shellfish, and most edible creatures that come from the ocean. Despite the various diets I’ve been on and off throughout my life, the one constant has been the inclusion of seafood (well, except for a very short and unsuccessful stint as a fruitarian in my teen years, which ended abruptly for obvious reasons — you just can’t get between a girl and her lobster).

I’ve always been one of those people who notices, but completely overlooks the little warning sign on menus, at grocery stores, and in restaurants that reminds us “consuming raw or contaminated fish products can result in…” You think you’re really going to scare me away from eating seafood with your little warning label? Nice try.

In fact, I’ve toyed with the idea of going plant-based, and I’ve always thought I might go pescatarian-vegan (plant-based plus seafood, if that’s a thing).

That was how I’ve lived my life for nearly three decades, until this past Saturday. Well, really it was Sunday morning. Our neighbors had been raving to us about this amazing fish market in Orange County, telling us that’s where they get all the best, freshest, and most reasonably-priced seafood. So, we went. I got a nice array of cooked lobster meat, firecracker shrimp, smoked mussels, and candied salmon. Yum, right?

Attack of the Lobster…I think

Saturday night was fine — I had one mussel, a bit of the lobster meat, and a few shrimp. Nothing crazy. And it was great — I would have happily returned for more, and I did plan on having more of the seafood smorgasbord on Sunday. Well, until Sunday came around and things took a turn for the worst.

I’m a pretty routine person. I get Starbucks, take an early morning walk, and then settle into my computer to begin the workday. I take my routine, and particularly my morning walks, very seriously. I usually take a long morning business call on those walks, do a ton of good brainstorming with my assistant, and generally feel ready to take on the day with productive motivation the second I get home.

Not Sunday. On Sunday, I made it to Starbucks, got to the adjacent park and neighborhood I walk in, and started to feel a little bit…queasy. I couldn’t tell if I was lightheaded, nauseous, or just being a hypochondriac for no apparent reason. And then it happened…I felt like something was going to come out of me, and I wasn’t sure if I could stop it. Unfortunately, I was walking in a beautifully manicured and landscaped neighborhood, in front of homes ranging between $3 million and $7 million…so not the ideal place to inconspicuously throw up on someone’s lawn, if I really had to.

I called my fiancé to pick me up (which I never do), and thankfully, he was awake and came to my rescue.

But here’s the unfortunate thing: I was nowhere near the end of it.

He figured I just needed to get out whatever contaminated fish I’d consumed and I’d be good as new. In fact, we had a zoom wedding to attend Sunday afternoon and a small dinner with a few of his relatives planned for that night to commemorate the event for immediate family.

As you can probably guess by this point, I would not be in attendance for either of those events. While everyone else was waving to each other and listening to the heartfelt vows on the screen, I was on the bathroom floor, and the pain was not getting any better.

After about half a dozen mini-vomits or so, the headache set in. And the fever, the chills, etc. And severe cramping. In my entire life, I have never experienced a fraction of the pain I felt this Sunday — and I’ve had food poisoning before (ironically, once from lobster and once from sushi…perhaps one day I’ll learn). I actually told my fiance I thought I was going to die — literally, no exaggeration. In fact, I told him I was in so much pain that I almost wanted to — someone, put me out of my misery, please. Anything would be better than this.

Perspective shift #1: Empathy

I’ve never understood how some people choose, at some stage of a horrible, debilitating illness, that the pain is no longer worth it. I’ve always thought that was a dark, ridiculous mindset and life is always worth living. But this feeling, for the first time, gave me a whole new perspective. I finally got it.

Not that food poisoning is a valid reason to call it quits entirely, but simply that debilitating pain that removes one’s happiness and quality of life altogether is a very real thing, and it should be treated as such. I feel sorry for every person I ever judged for having felt that way — that their pain made living unbearable. I was wrong — I simply couldn’t relate and empathy isn’t my strong suit, but the truth is, feelings are valid. Pain is valid. And you can’t fully understand how someone else’s pain is affecting them until or unless you feel it yourself.

At this point, you probably think I’m just being a big baby about this whole thing. Oh, boo hoo, I had some bad lobster and I have a little tummy ache. Too bad.

And I felt that way too — like I was being ridiculously dramatic and immature about this whole thing. Like dude, it’s food poisoning, take a chill pill and get over it.

Unfortunately, after spending the entire day and night in bed, barely mobile, and unable to even concentrate on a few minutes of work or watch a show on Netflix, I realized that the only thing I could do was sleep. So I did — until the pain woke me up. Again and again and again. Then, I stumbled to the bathroom, but at this point walking and getting up and down was becoming truly impossible. The pain was only getting stronger and sharper.

If Google doesn’t know the answer, your doctor may not either

And that’s when the Googling comes in. Like any person experiencing pain or medical discomfort in the 21st century, I took to the internets to provide my diagnosis. Either I was dying or I was going to be fine.

Unfortunately, as my condition worsened, it seemed that it might not just be food poisoning after all. Symptoms were pointing more and more towards appendicitis. Really? First lobster has to get me sick and then my appendix has to get inflamed? Next thing you know I’ll be in the ER.

And next thing you know, Monday morning, when the pain had only gotten worse and walking was no longer an option, I was taken to the hospital emergency room. It had officially been at least 36 hours since I’d had anything to eat, 24 hours since I’d attempted to take a walk (cut short by nausea), and 12 hours of worsening abdominal cramps that left me pretty much immobile.

And all I could think about? “When am I going to be able to work?” I had a slew of emails, LinkedIn messages, and work-related texts to catch up on, and I knew I had upcoming meetings this week that I simply couldn’t miss — at least not without fair warning.

Apparently, my work is not the first priority for most doctors. I’ll spare you every single little detail, but let’s just say I was in the hospital for the better part of Monday. My white blood cell count was high (indicating a likely infection or severe trauma…possibly caused by lobster), my blood pressure was low, and based on a CT scan, it was very possible I had appendicitis…but they just weren’t sure. My appendix may be in slightly the wrong place? Weird. It was likely inflamed, and there may have been some intestinal blockage…hard to tell. So, they figured, the best thing to do was take it out, just in case.

I’m no doctor here, but how in the world can the one test that’s supposed to confirm yes or no on appendicitis come back inconclusive and only confuse us all more? My doctor initially thought no to appendicitis. The one reviewing the CT scan results thought a possible yes. The physician’s assistant who was going to help out with my surgery came in to let me know we were moving forward with the procedure, and all I wanted to know was: Will I be able to work tomorrow?

And here’s what she said: “Oh, no — we’ll give you a doctor’s note; you’ll be off work for two weeks.”

Two weeks!!! But I own my own business. I work from home. I have upcoming projects planned that require me there — maybe not all the time, but definitely on some specific dates that do include the next two weeks.

That’s the problem with owning your own business — do you really have those backups in place, in case, God forbid, a real medical emergency comes out of the blue and puts you out of commission for days, or worse, weeks?

Then, Things Took a Turn for the…Confusing

The actual surgeon who was going to perform my appendectomy came over to do her final assessment before getting me on the schedule. At this point, I had turned down all pain meds in the hospital — I wanted to be clearheaded enough to respond to work emails from my phone, to the extent I was able. I had been given two full bags of IV fluid, they tested my blood, urine, did the CT scan, but delayed on any antibiotics until after the surgery was completed.

And guess what the surgeon said? She pressed into my lower abdomen, tapped it here and there, and was shocked as I refrained from squealing in pain. When I arrived that morning, my pain was at about a 9.5 out of 10. By now, it was more like a 6.7. Is that really painful enough to require an appendectomy?

Well, here’s the confusing thing. There were two options:

1. My appendix had already ruptured, so I was temporarily feeling better, but if the pain got worse or fever came on, I had to rush back to the hospital for surgery…or else get some type of sepsis from the released toxins and die in the next 48 hours or so. Glorious news.
2. Maybe it was just the lobster. I should stop eating that.

That’s literally what she said. But she told me she did not think, by the way my symptoms were presenting, that I had appendicitis. She could happily take out the appendix, but she’d rather only do that if it was truly sick.

So, we went home!!! Hospital discharge was a strange, conflicting feeling. I was glad to be released, in the case that I wouldn’t have to return for surgery…but I was also a bit worried about the whole appendix rupturing and me dying potential scenario.

I still wasn’t able to eat any dinner last night, and standing up fully straight or walking is still a challenge. I also still feel pretty lightheaded, even as I’m writing this (now a full 60+ hours since lobster consumption)…but I seem to be alive, which is a good thing.

And, in case my symptoms get worse and this is the last piece I ever get the chance to write, I’d like to share a few things I’ve learned over the past excruciating 48 or so hours.

Automation Can Save You…Or Bury You

I run fully online businesses, and I employ a fair bit of automation. There’s marketing automation, as in digital marketing campaigns that run in the background, email sequences on scheduled dates that I don’t have to touch, and post-purchase automation that keeps most purchases fairly hands-off.

However, an automated business also means that we can get a high volume of inquiries or responses (often on the same days)…and we don’t automate the replies. So there is a bit of manual response work to be done. And if we don’t get to it in time? Yep, they will get the next automated email in the sequence, as if we just ignored their inquiry entirely.

It also means that if someone requests to be removed from an email list but doesn’t remove themself and I (or someone on my team) doesn’t remove them in time, they may get the following email in the sequence…which will only piss them off more.

The automation-related takeaways?

• Automation is a great tool, so long as you can keep up with it
• You should always have a backup person on your team in case of emergencies
• Perhaps it would be worth setting up emergency automation that, with a press of a button, could delegate required responses (that I usually take care of) to another person on my team, in case these unforeseen emergency situations ever do occur
• Perhaps it would also be smart to set up an emergency auto-reply, something along the lines of “Thanks for your response, and we’ll get back to you as soon as possible. Unfortunately, an unforeseen emergency has put our team temporarily out of the office, so our current response time may be delayed. Apologies and we will get back to you as soon as we are able.” This would have been amazing when I was in the hospital, getting a flood of emails to which I could not respond.
• You should never be the only person on your team to understand how a critical tool or software works. This is one of my biggest mistakes since I do a lot of the back-end automation and technical setup for my businesses myself. This makes me feel in control, which is a good thing, but in truth, it actually creates a huge risk. Even if it seems like a burden to teach people on your team how to do tasks that you can (and typically do) cover yourself, you should never be the one and only person who knows how to do them.

Relationships are Necessary — and Those with Local Humans Can Be a Lifesaver

I’m a proud mother of three fur children, and my one true soulmate in life is my dogter, Esmeralda — and that’s no secret. Even my fiance is well aware of the pecking order in my life. And up until this point, I’ve always thought that was enough.

Of course, I have some friends here and there — largely spread across the country, due to jobs, family, life, etc. And my own immediate and extended family, also spread across the country.

But I’ve always thought if my home became an island, and it was just me, my pets, and my computer(s) with all my online businesses, floating across the ocean, and we could never leave, I’d be fine. My fiancé could be there, too, but either way, I’ve felt like pets and work are really all I need to keep me sane and happy.

Unfortunately, this lobster-turned-appendicitis-or-not proved me wrong. If I didn’t have my fiancé right here, available and willing to drop everything to help take care of me, take me to the hospital, and be at my beck-and-call as needed during such a traumatic event, I truly don’t know what I would have done.

Plus, I’m a mom; creatures rely on me. Who would walk Esmeralda? Who would feed Chinderella? Who would give Flumpster more water and hay?

If I lived alone or didn’t have any other human friends living nearby, I truly don’t know. Because I can guarantee you, when they were planning to admit me for surgery and telling me I’d be out of commission for two weeks, no one asked a single question about my pets or responsibilities.

I mean, shirking business responsibilities for an unforeseen medical emergency is bad, but shirking life-and-death responsibilities that keep fur-children alive? That’s unthinkable and inexcusable. But I guess that wasn’t the doctor’s first priority…they were more focused on keeping me — the human — alive. Interesting how humans always take priority…

The relationship-related takeaways?

• Make friends. Seriously. With your neighbors, maybe people at work, maybe people who go to the same Starbucks as you. Those local relationships may come in handy.
• Have emergency contacts not just for you, but for your pets or children as well. Sure, a person living alone, with no local friends or family could always call a Lyft or Uber to get them to the hospital…but what about when they get admitted with little to no warning and have no one to care for the now-abandoned pets or children for the foreseeable future? Local emergency contacts are a must, especially if you live alone.

Hydration Could Have Saved Me a $240 Copay — Drink, Even When It Hurts

When I thought I was experiencing death by lobster, the last thing I wanted to do was put anything into my system, be it pills, food, or liquid. In fact, when I did attempt to drink sparkling water (at the urgent, pleading requests of my fiance, my mom, and his mom), it actually hurt. My body was not in the mood for consumption of any type…and perhaps a carbonated beverage wasn’t actually the smartest move in my condition.

However, when I got to the hospital, dizzy and lightheaded, the first thing they decided, based on my blood pressure alone, was that I was severely dehydrated. Over the next few hours, they gave me two full bags of IV fluids and made me drink two kids’ boxed apple juice cartons. Antibiotics? Nope — they didn’t want to mask symptoms in case I was going to have the appendectomy. Pain meds? Nope — offered, but I declined (trying to keep my work brain “on” as long as possible). And then I was discharged…with a $240 copay and a prescription for $6 nausea meds, just in case.

In other words, after all those hours at the hospital, all the many tests they ran (blood, urine, CT scan, etc.), the only thing they actually gave me was…liquids. IV fluids and apple juice.

For $240.

Now, I’m not saying that I definitely could have cured my own condition with hydration, but it likely would have helped. Though, to be honest, it was kind of nice to get wheeled around with the “Fall Risk” band on my wrist — a side effect of being lightheaded — since it did make parts of my time at the hospital feel like a fun, roller coaster experience. But probably not worth extreme dehydration just to ride around in a wheelchair or on a hospital gurney…

The hydration-related takeaways?

• Dehydration will rarely, if ever, help your physical condition, especially if you have some nasty toxins in need of expulsion from your body
• Sparkling water — or bottled water — or even a venti passion tea from Starbucks — is a lot cheaper (and probably less painful) than $240 worth of IV fluids and apple juice from a hospital.
• If you’re feeling sick and dizzy? Hydrate — they’re going to make you do it when you get there (to the hospital) anyway, so you might as well save everyone some time and expense and get a head start, if possible.

Final Thoughts?

This has been a trying past few days, and when you think you’re on the brink of death, your thought pattern takes a turn for the…interesting.

• I cried in the car on the way to the ER, telling my fiance I didn’t get a chance to give Esmeralda a proper goodbye.
• I asked myself what horrible thing I could have done to attract such negative karma into my life?
• I felt betrayed by my very favorite crustacean.
• I nearly vowed to go fully plant-based when my surgeon told me she was plant-based and that I probably shouldn’t be eating creatures who live in poop-filled waters and spend their days filtering toxins…and then, today, I wondered how bad it would be to get that crab, avocado, and scallop sushi I like so much from our grocery store down the street…

Old habits die hard, I guess? I mean, I can guarantee that I won’t be finishing the lobster or anything else we got from that seafood market. And as of last night or early this morning, I probably could have vowed to go plant-based with a straight face…but now? I don’t know, if I’m already thinking about the Dynamite Roll at Bristol Farms, does that mean I’m possibly on the mend?

I sure hope so. Either that or the toxins from the ruptured appendix have somehow reached my brain and rewired my thoughts altogether. Based on the inconclusive diagnosis we arrived at, this is either the last you’ll be hearing from me or hopefully not. I guess we’ll both have to wait and see.

P.S. In the event that I do live through this, should I really let one bad lobster ruin the whole dang bunch (and all the related crustaceans I enjoy)? Thoughts and perspectives welcome.

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