A List of Things I Think I Could Be While Listening to Bjork While Also Trying Not to Think of the…

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Abstract

<li>someone who rides into battle on armored narwhals with Greta to avenge the death of our beautiful oceans *sounds like too much work, retweets a bunch of Greta’s tweets instead*</li><li>a person who is dancing in a club in Berlin on the cusp of the new millennium wearing silver eye shadow, platform boots, some kind of vinyl clothing, baby bangs and an inscrutable expression, blissfully unaware of the impending climate apocalypse</li><li>petite *Have I suddenly lost 50 pounds and become a waif oozing artsy elegance in a devastatingly simple yet elegantly draped and shockingly expensive shift dress made of sustainable fabric? I think so!*</li><li>feral</li><li>living on a cliff in Iceland</li><li>living on a cliff in Iceland, throwing <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TOwHxXiJXY4">car parts, bottles, and cutlery</a>

Options

into the sea below but maybe I shouldn’t because there’s a lot of weird shit in the ocean and probably should be pulling bottles, car parts, and cutlery out of the ocean instead?</li><li>a swan, but a swan that’s been coated in oil from a tanker spill as part of the impending climate apocalypse, sadly paddling in circles because I can only use my one clean wing</li><li>a person who both understands and appreciates performance art</li><li>a sad and weird-looking fish</li><li>a person who doesn’t have to stop in the middle of writing this list to google “weirdest looking fish” because they just know these kinds of things</li><li>let’s go with Opistognathidae fish, which actually sounds like a Bjork album title</li><li>a person who channels their existential dread into writing silly lists for the internet</li></ul></article></body>

A List of Things I Think I Could Be While Listening to Bjork While Also Trying Not to Think of the IPCC Oceans Report.

“I don’t know my future after this weekend” -Bjork. Me neither, Bjork.

an extra in Midsommar

a person who thinks “maybe if we did the Midsommar thing to billionaires the oceans might not die?” *makes a note to tell Ari Aster to lure the private-jet-flying-to-sustainability-conferences crowd to Northern Sweden for the sequel*

a person who does a cartwheel in the street, not out of an annoying sense of twee-ness but as a commentary on the stultifying conformity of contemporary life

friends with Greta, obvi

someone who rides into battle on armored narwhals with Greta to avenge the death of our beautiful oceans *sounds like too much work, retweets a bunch of Greta’s tweets instead*

a person who is dancing in a club in Berlin on the cusp of the new millennium wearing silver eye shadow, platform boots, some kind of vinyl clothing, baby bangs and an inscrutable expression, blissfully unaware of the impending climate apocalypse

petite *Have I suddenly lost 50 pounds and become a waif oozing artsy elegance in a devastatingly simple yet elegantly draped and shockingly expensive shift dress made of sustainable fabric? I think so!*

feral

living on a cliff in Iceland

living on a cliff in Iceland, throwing car parts, bottles, and cutlery into the sea below *but maybe I shouldn’t because there’s a lot of weird shit in the ocean and probably should be pulling bottles, car parts, and cutlery out of the ocean instead?*

a swan, but a swan that’s been coated in oil from a tanker spill as part of the impending climate apocalypse, sadly paddling in circles because I can only use my one clean wing

a person who both understands and appreciates performance art

a sad and weird-looking fish

a person who doesn’t have to stop in the middle of writing this list to google “weirdest looking fish” because they just know these kinds of things

let’s go with Opistognathidae fish, which actually sounds like a Bjork album title

a person who channels their existential dread into writing silly lists for the internet