How To Become A Loving And Kind Person Without Being A Wimp

A Detailed Guide On The Mastery Of Emotions, And How A Life Rooted In Love Leads To Abundance In All Forms

Taken From The Book “A Mastery Of Love” By Don Miguel Ruiz

The way we experience life is through emotions.

There are two primary emotions that all other emotions stem from: Love, and Fear.

If you don’t already know (which you probably don’t), every person has their own experience of reality. No two experiences are the same.

Each person’s experience is based on their conditioning and how they were victimized when they were young.

These conditionings get attached to one of two emotions: Love, or Fear. Subsequently, this is the “lens” through which they will continue to experience life.

Until reprogrammed of course…

The truth is, that about 95% of people are operating from the emotion of fear and all the behaviorism that comes from it (I’ll explain later).

And that is why the world we live in is an unprecedented shitstorm.

Living a life through the lens of fear creates insanity. And you want to know what is even more insane than that?

Insanity is actually accepted as fucking normal!

And we wonder why we have so many unresolved fucking problems. Because the level of consciousness we are trying to solve them from is the thing that is creating them.

“No problem can be solved from the same consciousness that created it.”

Albert Einstein

However, when we live a life that stems from the emotion of love, and all the behaviorism that comes from that…

Naturally, we will be sane, naturally, we will be abundant, naturally, we won’t have so many goddamn problems.

Naturally, we will live a very pleasant life.

But to do that first, you must “recode” how you have been “coded”. And relearn how to perceive and live life.

And that is the intention of this article. I am going to provide clear distinctions between love and fear for your logical brain to understand.

And through that, you can then bring awareness into your life. Become aware of any toxic patterns, and truly ask if they are serving you.

A Life Of Fear

Most people live their entire lives in fear and don’t even realize it. Furthermore, they accept this insanity as normal.

Rationalizing it with excuses like:

• “Survival of the fittest”
• “Life is just pain and Suffering”
• “It is my duty, it is my obligation”

And although these statements are true on one level, ultimately they are not true.

If you want to live a life of suffering, be my guest. But the truth is, life does not have to be that way. Life can actually be pleasant, life can be easy.

And it is through understanding the emotion and the principles through which you operate.

When you are living in fear you are in an extremely contracted and limited state.

When you are operating out of fear you have so many obligations and so many expectations it’s no wonder you suffer.

You are in a relationship because you have to be and if you don’t get married you are going to die alone and live a miserable life. So you settle for the first piece of ass that comes your way, even if it is toxic.

You go to school, get a degree, and get a job because you are expected to. Not because you want to, but because if you don’t the world and your family is going to see you as a failure.

So you settle for an unfilling job that you fucking hate out of fear.

In this state, it’s impossible to feel pleasant or happy with all these obligations and expectations that you have to live up to.

And if you are not happy and not pleasant do you really think you are going to be pleasant to the world around you?

If you feel like shit don’t you kind of want other people to feel like shit as well?

The uncomfortable answer is yes.

And that is the insanity of the world that is accepted as normal.

Life is based on relationships and how we behave within those relationships. Relationships to yourself, relationships to others, and relationships to life itself.

Within a relationship, there are always two halves: your half, and the other person’s half.

Within those two halves you are only responsible for your own, not the other person.

However, guess what we fucking do? We try to control the other person’s half. Because we are rooted in fear and when we are rooted in fear it is always a war of control.

The problem with this is life is a dance, not a dictatorship. The other half is beautiful because it is unknown because it is uncontrollable. That’s what makes it unique.

So ask yourself if you truly got what you want through control and perfectionism, would that be worth it?

Would it be worth it to live in a controlled reality of your mental diarrhea and projections of perfection and idealism?

No, not really.

And that is why I am outlining how to live your life through love rather than fear. And how to partake in the dance of life operating through the track of love, rather than the track of fear.

The Track Of Love And Fear

Obligations

Fear is full of obligations, love has no obligations.

When we are operating out of fear we do things because we have to do them.

The reason that we are doing things is because we are scared and are “running away from something”.

Scared of failure, scared of loss, scared of not having enough, or reaching the perfect image we have for ourselves.

As soon as we have to do something naturally we will have resistance towards it because we don’t truly want to do it. And with that resistance, we will create suffering for ourselves.

On the other hand, love has no obligations. When you are operating out of love you do something because you want to be doing it.

Since we want to do things we don’t hold resistance towards them. And without resistance naturally we will feel more creative, naturally we will be more playful, and naturally, we will have more fun.

Expectations:

Fear is full of expectations, love has no expectations.

When we are operating out of fear we are full of expectations.

When we do something for someone else it is because we expect something in return. And if we don’t receive something in return we feel hurt, we feel betrayed.

Because of this, we direct our blame externally. Blaming other people for not meeting our expectations. Blaming other people for our happiness. Blaming other people for our internal state.

Love has no expectations.

We are already so naturally abundant within ourselves that when we do something it is because we want to. And if others do something it is because they want to, and it’s a cherry on top.

Since we are doing things with no expectations, when we don’t receive anything back we don’t feel hurt. We feel perfectly ok.

When we are operating out of love we rarely get hurt and we realize that much of the suffering we endure is because of our own mentally created dynamics. And NOT of actual reality.

Respect

“This one will blow your mind”

“This one will blow your mind”

Fear has no respect, love is full of respect.

Fear has no respect for anything including itself.

When you don’t respect someone you try to control them because you don’t believe they can handle themselves or make their own decisions.

When you don’t respect someone you pity them and feel sorry for them. Because you don’t believe they are capable of making a change or capable of a better life.

The same thing applies to your relationship with yourself. When you don’t respect yourself you pity yourself, and you feel sorry for yourself. You try to control yourself because you don’t believe in yourself. You don’t believe in your capabilities.

Self-pity comes from disrespect. Fear is full of self-pity

Love on the other hand is ruthless but does have compassion.

“This one is for all the people pleasers out there”

When you are operating out of love you are ruthless. You don’t take pity on anyone or feel sorry for anyone because you fully believe in their capabilities to handle their own lives.

However, you do have compassion. You understand that life is tough and sometimes people need a helping hand. And you are more than happy to give it.

But you are not going to do the work for them, that would come from a lack of respect. You will help and show compassion, but never will you do the work for them.

Because you have respect.

Responsibility

“This one is a big one”

Fear avoids responsibility, love is completely responsible.

Fear avoids responsibility because it fears the consequences of its actions.

However, the truth is all actions whether mental, emotional, or physical have consequences. Whether we like it or not.

And to not take action is to still an action because it is a decision of inaction. Do you see what I’m saying?

So what does fear do? It denies its responsibility, avoids it, and runs away. It blames it on external circumstances and influences that are not its own.

And through this, it gets pushed around by life. Even if you deny something, even if it was completely not your fault, if you did it, you did it. And the best thing you can do to change that circumstance is take responsibility.

Love on the other hand loves responsibility.

It deeply understands that every action taken or untaken has a consequence. And through that understanding, it chooses to face life head-on.

By no longer leaving things up to chance, it can be the decider of its fate. Through facing consequences head-on and taking full responsibility, it can have a direct influence on the trajectory of its life.

Kindness

Fear has no kindness, love is full of kindness.

When we are living in fear we are constantly: full of obligations, have tons of expectations, have no respect for others including ourselves, and are avoiding responsibility at all costs.

In that state how can we ever expect to feel happy, or pleasant? We can’t!

Because of that, how can we ever expect to be truly kind to others? When we are kind it is usually an act rather than an authenticity.

When we are kind it is because of an expectation. A manifestation of our selfish greed.

Inevitably closing all doors of opportunity around us.

Love is full of kindness.

When you are on the track of love: you don’t have any obligations or expectations, you respect yourself, and take responsibility.

You don’t feel sorry for yourself or the people around you, and because of that, you have a smile on your face.

With that smile, you are naturally in a state of abundance and feel more than capable of sharing it with others. And you share it through kindness.

From this state of abundance, you open up all doors of opportunity.

Conditional

Fear is full of conditions, love is unconditional.

The biggest word in the vocabulary of fear is if.

You love someone (or yourself) only if they fit a certain image. If they do what you say if they are willing to be controlled, you love them.

Oftentimes you are embarrassed or annoyed because the image that you desire is not being met. And for that reason, you are annoyed and disappointed, so you withhold love.

This is just pretending to have love, this is not love at all.

Love is unconditional.

Love does not operate through the word if it loves something exactly the way it is.

And if you have a preference and that person does not meet that preference. You don’t blame them, you don’t take it personally.

No, you go out and find exactly what you are looking for.

You do not try to change someone to meet your perfect image. You accept them for exactly what they are. If they are willing to change it is on their terms, not yours.

Because you have respect for them, you have respect for yourself.

You are full of love, and love is ruthless.

Justice

Fear has no justice, love is full of justice.

There is no justice when you are operating out of fear.

If you make a mistake, you will make yourself pay thousands of times. If someone else makes a mistake, you will hold it against them for a lifetime.

You do this out of fear, you do this out of control, you do this out of a lack of respect.

Love has justice.

If you make a mistake you learn from that mistake because you love and respect yourself and are willing to grow.

If others make a mistake, you don’t blame them, you don’t take it personally. No, you have too much respect and love and through that, you forgive and let go.

If another person continues to make a mistake, then you will leave the situation. Because you love and respect yourself you will go find what is right for you.

A Conscious Choice

We can’t control life, it’s just the truth. But what we can control is ourselves and how we interact with life.

So we must ask ourselves, what kind of relationship do we have with life? What kind of relationship do we have with others? What kind of relationship do we have with ourselves?

Is it one of trust and surrender? Or is it one of control and fear?

Because how we interact with life plays a great role in how we experience it. And how we interact is based on the primary emotions and perceptions we are operating from.

If we are operating out of fear, it will always be a war of control. It will be a life of hurt and manipulation, suffering, and our personal hell where we are never good enough.

Or we can flip this script. We can realize these are just programs and ways of operating, NOT actuality.

We can become conscious of our unconscious programs. Realize that they are not our fault, but 100% our responsibility, and take responsibility.

Through responsibility, we can make a conscious effort towards change. To being something new, to being something greater than “ourselves”.

And whether we make it or not does not matter, because the work itself is the reward. And our personal growth that comes from expanding into a life of love will be so great, that change will be a natural consequence.

So I hope that you take these principles outlined herein to heart. Because I know I have through writing it and sharing it.

These are timeless principles of transformation and if truly embraced will 100% change your life.

Namaste homie.