A Letter to the Brother I Thought I Knew

Your vote for Trump feels like a punch to the gut

Dear John:

After your bombshell announcement that you are voting for Trump, I ranted. I raved. I took look walks hoping that nature would soothe my troubled mind. I meditated and prayed. I worked out vigorously and spent hours in mountain pose and downward dog.

The rational part of my brain tells me it makes perfect sense that your politics lean conservative. As the offspring of traditional parents with a father who tolerated no opinion other than his own, marrying and raising your family in a red Midwest state once governed by Mike Pence, I get it. My amygdala, on the other hand, is screaming.

I am writing to help you understand why I reacted so emotionally to your declaration. It is incomprehensible to me that my brother, a man I love and respect, who I believed aligned with me about what has been happening in our country the past four years, supports the person who is our President. That support is unconscionable and indefensible and I know I shouldn’t, but I take your decision personally.

Do you remember what mom used to say when she refused to let us do something all our friends were doing?

“I don’t care what other people do. I care about what YOU do.”

When a stranger or casual acquaintance vows allegiance to Trump, I’ve learned to let it pass because I’m not emotionally connected to them. I shake my head and move on. I can’t do that with you because we share blood. Family. History. I thought I knew you and have to face the possibility that perhaps I don’t.

The Trump administration’s policies are secondary to my loathing of him; his policies flow from who he is as a human being and his world view. A world view that posits:

• Women are good for only one thing. Beyond that, they should stay in their suburban homes without autonomy over their own bodies and willingly accept a paternal government making life-changing decisions for them.
• Men, women, and children fleeing desperate and life-threatening circumstances in their home country are not worthy of help or support and deserve to be turned away, detained and separated from their children, or caged like animals.
• Only the well-to-do deserve additional economic benefits. The poor, the sick, and the elderly are on their own.
• It’s ok to lie, cheat, and steal your way to the top, and in fact, you’re a sucker if you have the opportunity to lie, cheat, and steal, but don’t.
• Our planet’s precious resources exist only to use and exploit.
• People of color and indigenous peoples who, for hundreds of years have been exploited and murdered, should shut up and take it.
• Nothing matters more than image and staying in power, including the health and well-being of people one has pledged to protect.
• The United States, one of the wealthiest and most powerful nations in the world, should look after its own interests — first, foremost, and only.

John, I wish I had remained blissfully ignorant of your choice. Now that I know, I’m trying to figure out how to maintain our relationship. Please help me do that. I don’t want our relationship to be another casualty of Donald Trump.

Your sister,

Sue