A Letter to My Dear Self

Summary

The web content is a deeply personal letter from the author to themselves, reflecting on struggles with self-love, betrayal, and mental health.

Abstract

The author pens a poignant letter to their inner self, expressing regret for not practicing self-love and for the harsh treatment they've endured due to others' actions. They acknowledge the pain of betrayal by a close friend and the subsequent impact on their mental health, including bouts of depression and anxiety. Despite attempts to find inner strength and peace, the author feels they have failed to nurture and appreciate themselves, leading to a sense of emptiness and a loss of trust in others. They are tired of the continuous cycle of pain and are seeking forgiveness and a way to heal, hoping to find light amidst the darkness that has enveloped their life.

Opinions

The author believes that self-love is crucial but feels it was not emphasized enough earlier in life.
They express a sense of betrayal and hurt from a best friend's actions, which has led to self-blame and a questioning of their life choices.
The author feels they have been too harsh on themselves and recognizes that they deserve better treatment.
They have developed trust issues and anxiety, which have contributed to their depression.
The author has a complicated relationship with their appearance, feeling objectified by others' attraction to their looks while dealing with internal chaos.
They are introspective about their journey, acknowledging the need to apologize to themselves and to find a path to healing.
The author wishes for a life filled with beauty and courage for themselves, contrasting with their current state of mind.
They are seeking forgiveness from their own soul, hoping to release the burdens and miseries they carry.
The author reflects on how they have given love to others while neglecting to keep any for themselves, leading to a sense of being burned and losing trust in their ability to recover.

No matter how many times I tell myself self-love is important I curse everyone who didn’t tell us this since day one.

Dear self I was thinking about you a lot. It’s been weeks since I started writing everything to you in my mind than on a piece of paper. I want to apologize to you. I have not been treating you nicely for the pain others inflicted on me.

I know it’s not right and I am trying every day to treat you like my baby but I am failing at it. I am falling badly to the same dark pit of darkness which I have faced quite consistently in my life. I began my journey of peace in 2019 but then one thing or other kept on happening and it shook me up entirely.

I became strong with time but this event took my courage far away from me. I tell you what betrayal never comes from strangers so when it came from my best friend it made me think about the choices I have made in my life. I have been punishing you for his sins. I know that you are cursing me too. You deserve far better than this my dear self.

I have been super depressed, low, and don’t know the ways to hold you in my arms again. I get lost easily and I run a lot. When I run it makes me think about you a lot because it’s you that stays strong with me physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. You have seen me at my worse and best. I would want you to cope a bit more with me.

I cannot see you the way you have become because I have got no right to treat you miserably. Others have done their part and no matter how many times I tell myself self-love is important I curse everyone who didn’t tell us this since day one. I am learning this after turning 33 and what about the years which I have wasted in finding love in others instead of me?

I am trying to find my strength but I have developed trust issues. I have developed anxiety and invited depression in my life. I go up and down in a fraction of seconds and sometimes I cry and cry to get myself tired to sleep. I know you will never forgive me for being so hard on you.

I have stopped seeing myself in the mirror again and I take time to get up from the bed. I keep on looking at the ceiling or windows of my room looking for my silver lining but I see it nowhere. It feels as if the world has ended for me and I see no hope in this life for myself. I see hope for others for sure.

You saved me from three major accidents this year and that’s a sign it’s not my time to go from this world but for what? When my world goes upside and down due to the actions of others how would I be able to add something good in this world too?

I know you are in turmoil now because I have asked you lots of questions but I have had to because this feeling of emptiness from inside is killing me for months. I want to learn how to give myself the love I poured into others and I didn’t pour it into you.

I am writing this letter to you so that you know I have tried my best to love you and accept you the way you are. I am failing at it because I see no light for myself. All I see is darkness and closed doors for me. I won’t get some answers ever and I will die being depressed and that’s not the life I would have wished for you.

I did wish for you a great life. Seeing everything with beauty in the eyes and filling you with courage and spirit every day. I was like that only. What I have become even I don’t like it. I find it irritating that people get attracted to me due to my looks. I receive many messages of people falling for me because I look beautiful and hot. Do I appreciate it? No ways. I don’t.

It makes me feel like I am an object for the majority of people out there who just want to touch me and they have no idea what goes inside of me and what kind of chaos I live within my mind everyday. I detest everyone who tries to cross my path to get to know me. The more real I am getting with myself, the more I am seeing them leaving my door. I am liking it though.

I believe punishing you for everybody else wasn’t right. I apologize to you with folded hands because I want you to go to another world with lightweight and burdens from this life. I want to put an end to your miseries but I don’t know how shall I begin with it?

I have slept today for a change but I am tired and you know why? Because you are tired, my dearest soul.

You are tired of my imaginations of never-ending pain, miseries, and depression. You are tired of me. I want to hug you for some fraction of seconds to let you believe I never wanted you to be like this. I have been cruel to you and I wish God bless us in some way that would help me in healing you fast.

Until then forgive me as I am trying, crawling, crying, and mending my ways. I hope you know by now I gave to others what I didn’t keep for myself. Yep I am talking about love. It has burned me big time from inside and I am losing trust in finding my way back to life.

Yours always My Soul Rants

Gurpreet Dhariwal is the author of “My Soul Rants: Poems of a Born Spectator.” Her eBook is now available at Google PlayStore, Amazon, and Kindle. Connect with Gurpreet on LinkedIn, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, or Youtube