A Letter to My Bitchy Friend: Depression
I wear my scars on my sleeve. I walk with pride. I have the courage and my soul is pure. I will beat the shit out of you. But I will never surrender to you.

Dear Bitchy Friend,
I want to let you know that I don’t like you. The way you make me feel day in and day out is not appreciated at all. I find myself juggling between millions of thoughts and I kill myself more than 100 times in my mind than reality. Who knows if this is something you want me to do? But I want to open up to you for once and all.
I am not fucking giving up.
Did you hear that?
I repeat.
I am not fucking giving up.

I know you are real and exist there. You have been a part of my life for more years than I could ever think of. Whenever something has gone wrong in my life, I have seen you mocking at me like a third-grade enemy. I look at you every day in a mirror and the words I repeat are “I won’t fucking let you win this war. I will do whatever it takes to win over you not once but again and again until I find you scared of me.”
I don’t call them cowards who give up in life and accept you by ending their lives. Ask me seriously what you are capable of and how can you make me feel miserable for months without anyone noticing my demons. Last weekend and last to last weekend you killed me many times. I saw it so apparently and for once I thought I may not be able to survive this. You were influencing me to take that step that people call “Suicide” but I have come so far from it.

I know you are laughing at me listening to that. Every time I see you are growling at me. I kneel and pray. My universe of love and power of God is bigger than you. I am telling you this because more and more people have shared their scars with me in the past few months. They have been there, and they know how you suck that energy out of us.
I am writing to you because you are a bitch. You will bark and try to bite me too. But I care to fucking disappoint you. I wouldn’t let you bite me. You have done that several times to me. My mental health is my priority, not yours. No matter how aggressively and badly you are going to attack me again, I wouldn’t let you conquer me entirely.
I will never surrender to you.
Mark my words: I am the courage that I seek in others.
I wear my scars on my sleeve. I walk with pride. I have the courage and my soul is pure. I will beat the shit out of you. But I will never surrender to you.
Gurpreet Dhariwal is the author of “My Soul Rants: Poems of a Born Spectator.” Her eBook is now available at Google PlayStore, Amazon, and Kindle. Connect with Gurpreet on LinkedIn, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, or Youtube