A Lesson in Italian-American History for Andrew Cuomo

It’s hard to believe, but the Sopranos were never meant to be the heroes

At the governor’s discretion

To be fair, New York governor Andrew Cuomo has a lot on his plate with the Covid-19 pandemic and numerous riots taking place in the nation’s most congested city. Considering all the extra hours he’s putting in, it wouldn’t be surprising for him to make a questionable choice or two amid all the sensible ones he’s been making during this time of immense strife.

With that being said, you’d think an issue regarding Italian-American heritage would be a slam dunk for the proud grandchild of Italian immigrants. Sadly, that wasn’t the case when at a press conference, somebody floated the idea of taking down the statue of Christopher Columbus that stands in the center of Manhattan’s most recognizable roundabout — the aptly named Columbus Circle.

For many years, Native American and level-headed advocates alike have been against what the statue represents. They disagree with Cuomo’s parroted notion that the statue is about Italian pride and is separate from the less-than-saintly acts committed by Columbus. At a time when the idea of taking down controversial statues across the country to ease a small portion of the growing unrest, agreeing to even consider taking down the monument would’ve scored the governor massive political points.

It’s as if Cuomo has forgotten his own history. And no, he doesn’t have to go as far back as 1492. What he fails to remember only dates back to September 22, 2002 when HBO aired a Columbus-centric episode of The Sopranos titled “Christopher.”

Woke up this morning

For those of you who happened to have completely missed one of the most popular shows in the past twenty years, The Sopranos was a cable TV program that ran from 1999 to 2007. It focused on a fictionalized version of the modern day Italian mafia and a New Jersey mob boss, Tony Soprano, whose anxiety at work and home became so overwhelming he needed to see a psychiatrist.

Tony had a loyal crew comprised of a wide array of Italian/mafia stereotypes who often joined him in his adventures. While everyone’s characteristics were different, and each actor portrayed a colorful well-rounded character, they all had one thing in common — they were kind of dopey. Despite them all being excellent at crime, their views on political, social, and cultural issues were very old-world, and their boorish sensibilities didn’t quite fit within the 21st century.

In “Christopher,” their New Jersey Columbus statue was not in danger of being torn down; however, the gang became upset over a Native American group daring to protest around the effigy during a Columbus Day parade.

What followed was a slapstick-fueled riot. The Natives shunned the Italians with taunts of “Mussolini was Hitler’s bitch,” as they threw debris and glass bottles at the poor, persecuted Mafioso. And while Tony’s goons were shocked and appalled over a puppet of Columbus being lynched in a tree, they were even more shocked and the appalled when the police began arresting the Italians because the Native Americans “had a permit.”

On second thought, maybe Cuomo does remember this episode. But if that’s the case, he made the cardinal mistake of seeing the gangsters as the good guys. You see, Andy, the guys in The Sopranos aren’t supposed to be positive Italian influences. They’re meant to be oafish and short-sighted. They represent the dying ruling class who despite their own incompetence still get away with everything because they have all the money and power. Does this sound familiar at all, Governor Cuomo? Is the mitten in front of your face blocking your view of the larger picture?

An equitable solution

For all those patriots who don’t yet realize that your personal pride shouldn’t come at the expense of another group of people, I have a solution. How about we take down the Columbus statue and replace it with a big, fat bronze statue of Tony Soprano? We can even change the name of the roundabout to Soprano Circle — or better yet, the Soprano-O. That way nobody has to be troubled with thinking too much about geometry.

In reality, Tony is as much of a positive symbol of Italian heritage as that tyrannical, slave-trading murderer Columbus. But Mr. Soprano is the perfect symbol for people who care more about statues than oppressed people.

The people who cling to hollow trinkets like flags, plaques, and names of military bases will be able to drive around in circles for hours to admire the new hero of their very important preservation cause. Because, it’s not like anything else is going on in the world more important than a nostalgic person’s need for symbolism.

It’s worth noting that Cuomo is making this stand, not necessarily in line with his personal beliefs, but rather to appease one of New York City’s largest demographics. But eagle-eye viewers of “Christopher” will notice that Tony Soprano himself was not involved in any of the Columbus shenanigans. All those zany antics were handled by his right-hand man Silvio Dante (played by E Street Band legend, Stevie Van Zandt), who seemed to have a chip on his shoulder the entire episode.

So, I don’t know, Governor Cuomo, maybe you should take a cue from another fine leader from the Tri-State area and not get directly involved in a hot-button issue that nobody can win. And maybe consider seeing a shrink a few times a week. If you don’t take some time for yourself, how can you take care of an entire state?