Summary

A former inmate turned technical writer and volunteer shares his experiences of compassion among the formerly incarcerated, contrasting it with a lack of empathy in more affluent settings, and emphasizes the importance of kindness and understanding in creating a better world.

Abstract

In 2014, the author, a former prisoner, began volunteering to assist the incarcerated and formerly incarcerated after securing a contract with the California Department of Corrections and Rehabilitation (CDCR). He recounts witnessing an act of extraordinary generosity when one man, recently released from prison, gave $20 to another who was penniless, despite the challenges of starting over with limited funds in an expensive state like California. This contrasts sharply with an incident at an upscale grocery store where no one helped a man whose credit card was declined, highlighting a lack of empathy among those who may not have faced similar struggles. The author also describes his own act of kindness in paying for a struggling man's groceries at a discount store, reinforcing the idea that compassion is contagious and that helping others can inspire a chain reaction of good deeds. He concludes by advocating for understanding and connection across different walks of life as a means to foster compassion and combat the hatred and division in the world.

Opinions

The author believes that those who have faced personal hardships, such as incarceration, often show greater compassion towards others in similar situations.
He suggests that people with more resources may be less inclined to help others, possibly due to a lack of shared experience with struggle.
The author is of the opinion that acts of kindness can have a ripple effect, encouraging others to pay it forward.
He emphasizes that empathy can be cultivated by putting oneself in another's shoes and understanding their struggles.
The author holds the view that despite the prevalence of negativity in the world, there is an abundance of good people, and it is through their stories and actions that hope and positivity can prevail.

A Lesson in Compassion from a Guy Who Just Got Out of Prison

Oftentimes the people who have the least help others the most.

2014 was another milestone year for me. I’d been out of prison 16 years and I just started my first technical writing contract at the California Department of Corrections and Rehabilitation (CDCR) — the same system that incarcerated me.

The best part of 2014 was that I made one of the most impactful, transformative decisions of my life: I decided to start doing volunteer work to help currently and formerly incarcerated individuals.

My first volunteer event was a speaking engagement at the CDCR’s Oakland parole office, which is located in the San Francisco bay area.

An Amazing Act of Compassion

“Do not judge by appearances. A rich heart may be under a poor coat.” — Scottish Proverb

While I was waiting for a bus to take me to the Oakland parole office, I saw 2 men who were also going to the parole office. I could tell by the conversation they were having that both of them were recently released from prison.

One of the men said he didn’t have any money. Then I witnessed something incredibly compassionate.

The other man gave him $20.

This may not sound like a big deal until you have a better understanding of how the CDCR works. Each person released from prison gets $200. Whether you’ve served one year or 40 years, you get $200. California is one of the most expensive states to live in and $200 rarely lasts more than a few days.

$20 to someone who just got out of prison is a lot of money. It’s like me giving away 10% of my final paycheck after losing my job when I know I don’t have another job and I have no resources.

Welcome to the Oakland Parole Office

As I walked into the Oakland parole office, I felt a sudden wave of discomfort. This was the first time I’d been in a correctional environment since my release in 1998.

Despite the anxiety, I gave a really good talk. I talked about the challenges I faced when I got out. I gave the men some advice on how to stay out of trouble, deal with stress, get a job, and adapt to new technologies.

I wrapped up with a Q & A session and then talked to quite a few of the men afterward. The backgrounds these men had and the stories they told resonated deeply with me. The feelings of discomfort faded. Now I felt “right at home” again.

I later thought about my experiences at the parole office that day. The thing that stood out the most in my mind was the guy who gave the other man $20 when he had virtually nothing.

An Incident at an Upscale Grocery Store

Several years after speaking at the Oakland parole office, I was shopping at Safeway, a more upscale grocery store in the pricier area of my city. I noticed that the guy who was trying to pay for his groceries in my line was having problems.

His credit card was declined several times. Not one person in the line offered to help him and he didn’t have a lot of items. I was at the very end of the line and was less able to help.

The customers who were closest to him stood there in silence and never attempted to help him.

To be fair, I don’t know how well those customers were doing financially. However, this was a store where people who make very good money generally shop, so I can only say it’s extremely unlikely they didn’t help because they couldn’t afford it.

Later, I thought about this and realized something very important.

The best times to help people are oftentimes those situations where we aren’t required to help. We help others because our desire to be compassionate outweighs our desire to do nothing.

If I had to guess why no one helped that man pay for his groceries, I’d say that it’s probably because those people didn’t struggle with something similar in life. It can be hard to be empathetic and relate to another person’s struggles if we’ve never experienced those same problems ourselves.

An Incident at a Discount Grocery Store

A few years ago, I was at a “less affluent” (discount) grocery store. As the last of my food items were scanned, I noticed that the next guy in line had a lot of empty cans and bottles in his shopping cart — a clear sign he was either homeless or struggling financially.

I told the cashier to ring up all of his groceries. He shot me a skeptical look and said “Ring up everything?” I gave a quick nod and said “Everything.” The guy who watched his groceries getting scanned gave me a look of disbelief and said “You sure?” I said, “I got you.”

I introduced myself to the grateful man, whose name was Mel. I told Mel about the time I saw a guy who just got out of prison and had very little money give another guy $20 in Oakland and how I later saw people at Safeway do nothing when a man was unable to pay for his groceries.

Mel nodded and told me that he also helped other people who were struggling whenever he could. I gave him a fist bump and left the store.

Conclusion

It’s interesting how just watching one compassionate gesture can change you. Although my mom and my prison experience heavily influenced my need to be compassionate, seeing that man in Oakland give the other guy money when he had almost nothing definitely changed how I help others.

Kindness and compassion are the keys to creating a better world. Study after study has shown that doing kind things really is contagious. Helping others oftentimes motivates them to help other people, who will in turn likely help even more people.

I see a lot of hatred, discrimination, and division in this world, but despite these things, I firmly believe there are far more good people in this world than bad ones. The compassionate people I’ve encountered have helped me try to see the best in people, even during some of the worst times.

A lot of people help others who are struggling because they know how it feels to struggle. Even if you haven’t had major struggles in life, when you see someone else struggling, ask yourself “How would I feel if I went thru the same thing that person is going thru?”

Get to know people who are different from you and hear their stories.

All of us have opportunities to help others. It all starts with us and who knows when it will end.