Musings

A Journey To Holiness For Married Couples

Can married couples aspire to become saints in an increasingly secular and materialistic society?

Pope Francis thinks we can. In fact, he invites us to take the path of holiness in “a practical way for our own time, with all its risks, challenges and opportunities.”

He issued this invitation not too long ago in an Apostolic Exhortation entitled Gaudete et Exsultate, Latin for “Rejoice and Be Glad”. Apostolic exhortations are documents issued by popes to guide Catholics on matters that concern doctrine and the practice of the faith.

Gaudete et Exsultate is rich in insights and practical suggestions, but in this article, I wish to focus on Chapter 4 of the document. It is entitled “Signs of Holiness”, and it postulates that growth in holiness is a journey in community.

Allow me to share my reflections on the chapter by way of several propositions.

1. Take a Pause, and Stand for Holiness.

There are a growing number of married couples and heads of families who are discovering that there must be something more to their daily lives than just the pursuit of worldly success or wealth or popularity. Life has to be more than just joining the rat race each day in this imperfect world.

Most of us are working couples. We are busy with duties and responsibilities that fill up our appointment calendars on a daily or weekly basis every month of the year. There are never-ending deadlines to meet.

So, it takes a lot for us to be able to decide to set everything aside in order to attend a spiritual recollection. This is a time when — even if only for a few hours each month — we set aside our daily grind to make time for ourselves exclusively and for, and with, the Lord.

For decisions such as this, Pope Francis thinks we deserve a thumbs-up.

2. We Have Chosen Correctly. We Are, Indeed, Meant to Be Holy.

St. Paul declared this to the first communities of Christians in his letter to the Ephesians. He said:

“Before the world was made, he chose us, chose us in Christ, to be holy and spotless, and to live through love in his presence.” (Eph 1:4).

Pope Francis echoes these sentiments of St. Paul in Gaudete et Exsultate when he wrote:

“The Lord asks everything of us and in return he offers us true life, the happiness for which we were created. He wants us to be saints and not to settle for a bland and mediocre existence.”

This is why hardworking couples are special to the Holy Father. He knows the heavy pressure that tend to keep us away from activities and moments that evoke holiness. So, he says, be practical. Consider our work part of the journey towards holiness. But let us do it together.

3. Growth in Holiness is a Journey in Community.

Pope Francis explains it thus:

“Growth in holiness is a journey in community, side by side with others. Each community is called to create a God-enlightened space in which to experience the hidden presence of the risen Lord.”

Thus, the journey in holiness begins, continues and endures, and finds completion in our togetherness as a couple, in our union as man and wife. Side by side. Never apart nor separated. In perfect partnership with each other.

When the children come out of our union, they become a part of our togetherness. The journey in holiness continues together with them. The journey will not be complete if anyone among them falls out or gets lost.

4. Whatever the Type of Community, the Fundamentals of Growing in Holiness are the Same — whether we are in a family, in a parish, in a religious community, or any other.

Let me cite some of these fundamentals:

1. We share things in common.

Whatever we earn and own, we share freely and generously. Whatever it is that a member needs we try to supply with the resources that we have. We don’t wait for anyone to tell us to give. We share spontaneously.

2. We deal with small everyday things.

We don’t have to wait for big and extraordinary challenges or events. They may or may not come. But everyday there are things that seem small and ordinary but are needed to keep our family and community going. And that is all that matters.

3. We pay attention to little details of love.

There is a constant exchange of friendly gestures, sincere compliments, heartfelt thanks, prompt apologies, continuing reassurance. Each act is an expression of love. Each expression is an opportunity to grow in holiness.

4. We show that we care for one another.

There is mutual empathy and mutual help. No one is left to fend for himself or herself or to lick one’s wounds.

5. The environment within the community is open and evangelizing.

There are no hidden agenda. There is free flow of ideas and insights. We know how to listen and respect even opposing views. We can be trusted with deeply personal and private information. Good news is always the headline for the day. Belief in the guiding presence of the Holy Spirit is all-abiding.

6. We share the sacred words of the Scriptures.

We regularly read the Sacred Scriptures together. We share insights and inspiration with one another. We study and ask those who have studied more to mentor us so we can appreciate the Scriptures better.

7. We celebrate the Eucharist together.

The Holy Mass becomes the hub for our acts of worship and adoration, petition and supplication, thanksgiving and contrition, resolution and reform.

8. The result is a community that becomes a place where the Risen Lord is present, sanctifying everyone in the community in accordance with the Father’s plan.

5. Jesus Christ Modelled a Community Growing in Holiness with His Disciples and with His own Family.

In our journey to holiness, our ultimate Model is Jesus Christ himself. And we see in the life of Jesus the model of a community growing in holiness.

One community was the one he formed with his disciples; the other was his own family in the persons of Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, whom we call The Holy Family.

When Jesus invited his first followers to leave their fishing nets to become fishers of men, he lived with them for three years as a community. It was in that fellowship and togetherness that he gradually transformed them by his sublime teachings, his exemplary behavior, and wondrous deeds. He prepared them — each at his own pace — for the eventual coming of the Holy Spirit that would complete their transformation as the founding community of His Church.

His own family was a perfect example of a holy community — being genuinely human but deep down holy and divine.

For me, one little vignette about the Holy Family sums it all up. It is the story of how Jesus went missing during the family’s annual visit to Jerusalem. How many of us remember that story from Luke, 2:41–50?

Doesn’t the story show the drama of a typical family dealing with a regular family concern — that of a mother and father coming to grips with the coming of age of their child?

Doesn’t it encapsulize the dynamic and creative tension within a normal family as it gets formed and grows and matures — in the person of everyone of its members, and in all of them together?

Doesn’t it show the interplay between the human condition, on the one hand, and the divine orientation, on the other, of a family ordained to be holy? Good intentions mixed with shortcomings, sublime aspirations weighed down by unexpected disappointments.

6. If We Desire to Grow in Holiness, We Must Practice the Beatitudes.

Being poor in spirit, being meek and gentle, mourning with the bereaved, hungering and thirsting for what is right, showing mercy, being pure in heart, being peacemakers, and being willing to be persecuted in the cause of right are all occasions for growth in holiness.

Every act inspired by a beatitude is one more step toward being holy.

7. The Essence of Holiness is to Follow after Christ. It is Not Easy,

But the Rewards are Great.

In an increasingly materialistic and worldly society, families that are trying their best to grow in holiness are often looked upon as oddballs, or weirdos, or freaks; as being more the exception than the rule.

But if our growth in holiness is rooted in the correct fundamentals that we mentioned a while ago, and if we stay the course and persevere, sooner or later, the critics and skeptics will see that our efforts to be holy are for real. Then their meanness will turn into grudging acceptance, and even admiration. In time, it may even morph into emulation.

That is how we become a holy and missionary community that preaches through actions rather than mere words or appearances.

Every holy family then becomes a living example of the best that human families can be — in our roles as spouses and breadwinners and heads of our households, as well as good neighbors to our community and responsible citizens to our country.

CONCLUSION

In all these, our unerring source of strength and perseverance is none other than the assurance of Jesus Christ himself, as he explained the Beatitudes:

“When they abuse you and speak all kinds of calumny against you on my account. REJOICE AND BE GLAD (Gaudete et Exsultate), for your reward will be great in heaven.” ###

Ave Maria!