FICTION | MASHUP | FANTASY
A Hell of a Date
Part 6 of A Hell of a Bedtime Story — Nathan, the rebellious wizard, takes extreme measures to find a demon in human disguise, but the consequences could be dire.
The weather forecast had promised 30°C and sunshine all day. Why, then, did Nathan see a bloody blizzard outside the house? The metaphorical sh*t was about to hit the equally symbolic fan at full speed, and the nerdy guy from the party was somehow involved in this.
“How do I find you?”
Nathan’s head hurt from his attempts to find the guy. It felt like that terrible hangover all over again, but this wasn’t a trivial matter he could ignore. A bloody demon was running loose and searching for the nerdy-looking student. To make matters worse, the nerd likely was a demon too.
“And I was that bloody hangover sh*tshow of a magician banishing the bloody demon to the bloody Bermuda Triangle,” Nathan said to himself, “the bloody most potent point of conjunction of the bloody planes. F*ck!”
Nathan had researched the demon after their encounter. He hadn’t liked what he learned one bit. Drath’tar Xozath wasn’t any ordinary demon but the bloody demon lord of the Fields of Pain — one of the worst places to end up. His failure to appropriately ban the demon wasn’t bad. It was a bloody disaster. Luckily, the circumstances had been in his favour when he met Drath’tar Xozath the last time. Else he wouldn’t be around to worry now.
Nathan had to warn the nerdy guy with the Zelda glasses. He also had to determine if he was a threat and if he had to get rid of two demons. The chaos and bloodshed could be disastrous if they started a fight in this city of millions.
To make things worse, Nathan had reached the limits of his knowledge and abilities. He had tried every tracking spell he knew, despite knowing they wouldn’t work without a sympathetic link to the guy — blood, hair, or a photo. He didn’t even know the nerdy dude’s name.
In his desperation, he had tried it the old-fashioned way. Running around, asking for a nerdy-looking guy with glasses and dark, curly hair, had been a desperate move. He had seen the guy briefly twice. The first time, he had been pissed to the rim; the other, Drath’tar Xozath showed him the guy’s picture on a mobile with a cracked screen, some poor dude’s ripped-off arm still attached to it. Surprise.
“AAAHHHH!” he shouted in frustration, “How do I reveal where you are?!”
Nathan paused and thought about what he had just said.
“Reveal … yourself?”
He didn’t like his idea very much, but it was more promising than running around the city hoping to run into the guy. If he did it right, the nerd would stand out like Chancellor Gowron on stage at the Miss Universe competition.
Nathan had the power and skills to pull it off, but did he have the guts? He was already a disgrace within the order. Could he take the heat when he was hated beyond the invisible walls of that elusive circle of jerks?
Nathan shrugged and smiled. He excelled at two things: magic and pissing off beings more powerful than himself.
Alan gently pushed the chair forward while Samantha sat down. She looked beautiful in the elegant crème-coloured dress, and her hair fell on her back like a golden waterfall. Although he tried to hide his trembling hands, Alan knew she had realised his nervousness. Damn, this wasn’t their first date, after all.
He slowly walked around the table and passed a giant painting of the Eiffel Tower. Enthralled by Samantha’s sweet smile, he bumped into a waiter pouring wine at the neighbouring table. Busy apologising to the waiter and the guests for the spilt wine, he almost missed his chair when sitting down. Luckily, their waiter caught him before he could fall on his buttocks. Samantha gave him that amused, sympathetic smile and lay her right hand on his trembling left.
“Sometimes, you are such a cute, clumsy puppy.”
His heart was beating so hard as if it wanted to join the Blue Man Group, and Alan was convinced his face adapted his natural, infernal red. He had escaped hell and found heaven on Earth when he met her. Now, he needed to get himself together and not screw this up.
“Do the lady and the gentleman know what they would like to order?” the waiter asked with a stiff, formal voice. He tried to sound French, but there was a hint of the Midlands the waiter couldn’t shake off. The name Frank written on the white, pigeon-shaped name tag didn’t feel very French either.
“On prend du poisson pourri, s’il vous plaît,” Alan said, convinced he could regain his confidence.
“You want a rotten fish, sir?”
Samantha looked surprised at first. Then, she barely managed to suppress her laughter until Alan joined her, and they laughed until they had tears in their eyes. Even the waiter allowed himself a diplomatic smile. Had the guy been born with a stick up his butt, or had it been surgically inserted there?
“Would you like an aperitif?”
“We take two glasses of champagne, please,” Alan stammered.
“Champagne?” Samantha said with a mockingly seductive voice, “Are you trying to get me into bed or to marry you?”
Alan, who had just taken a sip of water, involuntarily spit its contents at the waiter, but the poor man kept his composure and dignity as if nothing had happened. Instead, he turned toward Alan and winked conspiratorially.
“M-m-maryy?!”
“Well,” she said, smiling, “This feels like the buildup to a grand romantic gesture.”
Maybe taking her to this fancy restaurant had been a mistake. She would wonder how he afforded it and perhaps ask about his family. Alan felt the sting of guilt. How could he build a relationship when he kept so many things from her? And why did he have to overthink everything?
“Uh … I … well … I ….”
Before he could compose a coherent sentence, the waiter returned with their champagne, placing the glasses in front of them. Time for a speech, he thought and got up, his nervous hands and legs moving like a crazy man unable to stop dancing.
“Samantha. Since I have come into this world …,” Alan paused when he recognised her confused look, “… your world! I mean … since I met you and … my life hasn’t been great. Most of the time, it felt like hell. So much has changed since I met you. I … uh … I love you!”
Samantha beamed, and the waiter breathed in audibly. Did the guy hold his breath in anticipation? Samantha raised her glass, and Alan followed her example, afraid to point out that his speech wasn’t done.
“I know,” she said gently, “I love you too.”
Then, she raised her champagne glass to her mouth to take a sip. Too shocked to move, Alan saw the diamond ring slide into her mouth, and shortly after, Samantha started choking.
“Oh my god,” Alan shouted while staring into her panicked eyes, “I have no idea how to save a human life!”
Frank, the waiter with the pigeon tag, gave him a puzzled look before he jumped into action and revealed himself as a master of the Heimlich manoeuvre. The ring flew out of Samantha’s mouth in a high arc. As if they had practised this beforehand, it landed in Alan’s right hand, and he extended it to the slightly confused but simultaneously excited Samantha.
“Will you marry me?”
“Look who’s suddenly all smooth,” she joked, causing him to freeze.
Tears of joy filled her eyes, and her beautiful smile reminded him of the first time he had witnessed the sunrise on the horizon.
“Hell, yes!”
“Better we leave hell out of this,” he said sheepishly, but she was too excited to pay his remark any attention.
Instead, she rushed around the table to embrace and kiss him. A perfect moment that compensated for all his clumsiness and anxiety. A flood of emotions and warmth soared through his body. At once, he felt powerful.
“Ouch!”
Samantha took a couple of steps back from him. Before Alan could see the blood on her lips, he could taste it. His teeth had sharpened suddenly, his clothes ripped when his limbs elongated, and his body grew to a hulking size. The whole restaurant stared at him in shock while he transformed into a large red- and grey-skinned demon with blood on his mouth.
“Please, no! Not now!” he roared.
His deep, terrifying voice broke the guests’ stupor. They all fled in panic. Everybody but Samantha. She just stared at him, and he realised that her hair had turned white as snow and a third eye had appeared on her forehead.
“Well, I … I can … explain. It is not as it looks,” he said.
“You hurt me ….” hearing those words hurt him more than his brothers’ torture ever had, “Who … what are you? Some monster from outer space?”
“I … I’m… it’s just me, Alan,” he said with a begging undertone.
“I have no idea who you are,” she said, slowly backing away from him, her eyes never leaving him out of sight, “Stay away from me!”
Alan felt like his heart exploded at that moment. Hell had caught up with him in a matter of minutes and devoured his newfound heaven. He heard the police sirens outside and realised he could not return to his human form. Whatever had forced his transformation blocked him from turning into a human again.
It was time to run. Knowing he hardly fitted through human-sized doors, Alan walked straight through the next wall and onto a backstreet. Next to a shimmering portal stood a young man he had seen somewhere before.
“We need to talk,” the guy said brazenly.
“How do you …,” Alan paused and glared at the newcomer, “This is your doing, isn’t it? I don’t share my sibling’s bloodlust, but I am tempted to make an exception today.”
“I am here because of Drath’tar Xozath.”
“What about my brother?!”
“He is looking for you. Come with me if you want to live.”
“First, tell me why you cursed my girlfriend?”
“I didn’t curse anybody.”
“Her hair turned white, and a third eye appeared on her forehead.”
“I used a spell that forces everybody in this city to show their true form,” the wizard said and pointed at Alan, “demons show their demon forms. Shamans reveal their spirit animals. And what an irony, the demon, the incarnation of pure evil, was dating the incarnation of pure good.”
“What the heck are you talking about?”
“Com’on! Don’t tell me you had no clue she was a unicorn?”
“What I know is that she is gone!” Alan roared, causing nearby windows to burst.
Then, the red veil of infernal rage turned everything he saw into crimson colours. The terror in Samantha’s eyes had been too much for him to control his demonic impulses, and after all, he had just tasted human blood.
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This story simultaneously responds to Sweet Chaos’ Hodgepodge Challenge №11 and Jonathon Sawyer’s Monday Mash-Up №13.
I challenge Kathy K, JF Danskin, and Sam W. to participate in either of the abovementioned challenges. I’ll write a Breaking News story about it if you do both.
Tally for the Monday Mashup
Prompt #1: "You wake up as an anthropomorphized version of your Spirit Animal!"
I had to twist this a bit but everyone is united with their spiritual form.
(2 points)
A rotten fish 1 point
A blizzard 1 point
The Eiffel Tower 1 point
Outer space 1 point
"Include a "helpful" cameo from The Kraken Lore's (in)famous pigeon, Frank"
Well, this one needed a twist too 2 points
Included a juxtaposition "And what an irony, the demon, the incarnation of
pure evil, was dating the incarnation of pure good." 5 points
Doing the tally 1 point
Total 14 pointsTally for the Hodgepodge Challenge
An embarrassing proclamation of love. What is the result?
An unlikely duo fall in love. Will it be permitted or stand the test of time?
They are both there actually. 2 points
Alan appears like he is dancing awkwardly and can't stop. 1 point
A pet is involved in the declaration of love.
Something falling from/through the air. (the ring) 1 point
Exploding hearts (Alan feels like his heart explodes) 1 point
A kiss produces unexpected results. 1 point
Story includes a tragedy. 1 point
Something is hilarious that shouldn’t be. 1 pointWhat a crazy tale. Do you want more? Why don’t you support my writing? It was never easier! You can do so on Ko-fi and Patreon or by (re-)joining Medium with my referral link. It is only a small payment for you, but a big step for humanity. (Pinky promise!)
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