A Guide for Safely and Sensually Explore Vanilla Sex Bondage
Discover the pleasures of vanilla bondage
Despite being a practice associated with kinky sex or BDSM, bondage is whatever you make of it. It can be a sensual, vanilla sexual activity.
When playing bondage, the main purpose is to restrain your partner. You can restrain them completely (arms and legs) or just partially (arms or legs.) Then you will deliver them pleasure — they are at your mercy.
This will put your partner in a submission role and yourself in a dominating one. But it doesn't mean you’ll engage in impact or humiliation games.
There are a lot of vanilla activities you can engage while having your partner restrained.
It is important to talk about the two golden rules you should never neglect:
- Always (always!) get consent from your partner. And let it clear they can withdraw it at any moment.
- Agree on a safe word to take the restraints off your partner the moment they want to stop the activity. Instead, it can be an explicit request (“Get me loose” or something similar). The important is for you to agree that the bondage play will stop the moment the person restrained asks for it.
Also, when restraining your partner, don’t tie the object too tight. Make sure you’re not stopping the blood circulation.
What to use to restrain
The most common instruments to bondage someone are handcuffs for the wrists and leg cuffs for the ankles. However, you can use other things.
Scarf or a tie
This is the most obvious choice. Almost everybody owns a scarf or a tie. Because of its material, it’s an easy and comfortable way to restrain your partner.
Don’t make a complicated or tight knot. You need to easily (and fastly) remove them in case your partner asks.
As prevention, I recommend you have a pair of scissors nearby. If you struggling with taking the restraint out and your partner is eager to come out of them, just cut it. It’s fast and efficient. But be very careful not to cut your partner, ask them to be still.
T-shirt
A t-shirt is another piece of clothing you can also safely use to restrain someone. The same rules of using a scarf or a tie apply.
Belt
When using a belt to restrain your partner, you need to consider the material.
Because the submissive will move and even pull the restrains, it’s important the material around their wrists or ankles it’s soft.
If you have a belt made of leather, that might feel a bit hard for a vanilla person. Make a test ride with it and let your partner decide if they feel good with it or not.
Don’t use rope
I don’t recommend using “normal” rope to restrain your partner, as it can be abrasive and coarse for the skin. Unless you have soft ropes, made with natural fibres, like cotton or coconut rope, don’t play with it.
Positions for bondage play
If you or your partner are beginners, I recommend you start with simpler positions and then, if you both enjoy it, to build-up to something more complex. Here are a few suggestions for a vanilla play:
Laying on the back
In this position, your partner will be in bed, laying with their back on the mattress.
You can either restrain their wrists to the bed’s headboard (if you have one) or tie them to each other above their head. Restrain the ankles at the end of the bed.
In this position, you can also restrain your partner’s wrists to each other but behind their back. Bear in mind that their arms will soon become numb; you must lose them or restrain in a different position when that happens (like turn them belly down.)
In this position, you have your submissive’s front of the body to explore. More about how to erotically stimulate your partner’s body further on.
Laying in the belly
This position is similar to the above, but reversed; your submissive will be with their belly down.
In this position, you need to make sure there’s nothing from preventing your partner to breathe. Take the pillows away and have nothing close to their face.
Now, you’ll have the back of your submissive’s body to play with.
Tied to a chair
Get your submissive sat on a chair and tie their wrist behind their back. To a full restraint, tie their ankles to the legs of the chair.
This position is great to deliver oral sex to a male submissive. It works with a female submissive, but she has to be sitting on the edge of the chair. It’s also great to fuck in cowgirl position (being the submissive male).
Hands and feet tied together
This is a more complex bondage position.
Your partner will be laid with their belly down, and you’ll tie their wrists to each other, do the same to the ankles, and then link the restrains. For instance, you tie your submissive wrists with a tie, their ankles with another tie, and then you link both ties with a scarf.
Your partner will be in a kind of “bridge position”. This is a position that will leave your submissive’s genitals and anus exposed — free to be stimulated.
Sex toys to use on vanilla bondage
You can restrain your partner to have an erotic fuck. But you can also take your time and enjoy the body in front of you — completely submissive to you…
Massage
If you don’t have sex toys, don’t let that be a reason not to explore your partner’s body.
Offer them a sensual, slow massage throughout their body. You can use oils or just your hands.
Take your time; enjoy this intimate and passionate moment. Massage their entire body, dedicating special attention to their soft spots, like the inner thighs, breasts, shoulders and back.
Vibrator
If you have a vibrator or a wand, use it during your bondage play.
You can start by using it on your submissive’s body, it will feel like a massage, with the benefit of your partner will crave for when you move the sex toy to their genitals.
Don’t rush it; let your submissive wait for a special treat. Make them feel your touch, explore their body, slowly.
Personally, I love when my partner explores my body with sex toys but also uses his mouth and hands all over it. I need the warmth and eroticism of his touch. As I wrote on this piece, your body is the best sex toy on your toolbox.
Feather Tickler
I adore this sex toy; it delivers such a smooth and sensual pleasure.
If you think this toy will tickle you in a funny way, you’re mistaken. I hate being tickled (I’m super sensitive to it) and I love the feather tickler.
If you don't have one, you can replace it for a bird feather (after properly cleaned), or a feather duster (same).
If you want to know more about how to make the best of this sex toy, I suggest you read this piece.
Activities to do with your bondage partner
There’s a lot you can do with a restrained partner. Remember: everything needs to have a previous, clear consent!
Explore their erogenous zones
Exploring your submissive’s erogenous zones can be done with any of the above options or by any other means like, for example, to use have their nipples clamped while you brush a feather tickler over their inner thighs or run the vibrator through their boobs. If you don't have nipple clamps, use clothes pegs.
You will know your partner’s body, which parts make them curl their toes when you stimulate them. Do exactly that, in each bit of their sensitive areas. Take your time, the purpose of this play is to have pleasure, not to chase orgasms.
Masturbation
After delivering varied and dedicated stimulation, masturbate your partner. You don’t have to make them cum; it’s your choice.
Oral sex
This is one of my favourite activities when I’m restrained. Not only because I love oral sex (to give and to receive) but the fact I can’t reach for my partner’s hair or guide his mouth through my vulva makes it all more intense.
Like the activity above, it’s up to you if you want your submissive to climax or not.
Add more stimulation
If you discussed beforehand and your partner agreed, there are other props you can add to intensify the experience.
You can put a gag on your partner's mouth, or you can blindfold them. Having one of your senses taken away will enhance all the others.
Have sex
As I described above, when talking about the bondage positions, you can have sex with your submissive. The experience is unique, for both of you.
If your partner prefers, release their legs so they can have some control over the situation.
When daring and attitude merge, you have a powerful, sexy combination.
Bondage, as I’ve just shown you, doesn’t have to be a hardcore sexual act. You and your partner will make the rules and go as far as you both are comfortable with.
Vanilla bondage is a way to spicy your sex life and exploring your senses on another level.
As the submissive won’t be able to physically react to the pleasure they’re receiving, it will trigger raw emotions and deep pleasure.
I love to grab my partner's flesh when we’re having sex. I’m also a biter and a kisser. When I’m restrained, these options are taken away from me. This makes the experience even more pleasurable and erotic.
If it’s your first time playing bondage, start small, like restraining only one wrist. If it feels good for both of you (but especially for the submissive), restrain the other, and then the ankles as well.
Explore the pleasures according to your personal preferences. Enjoy it!
Reading suggestions: