A Goodbye Letter to the Past Me

Dear past me,

I writing you this one to say goodbye. It’s time for us to part.

I know you well, even if you don’t know me, yet. I know where you succeeded and where you failed. You couldn’t get better at drumming or any other instrument. You gave up on your dreams of becoming a researcher and put your name on a discovery. Even game development was too hard for you.

But I’m not here to judge you. After all, your failures stay, as they are also mine.

I remember when you were full (or fool?) of pride, so confident, so firm in believing you were destined to great things. How silly…

I used to like that confidence. You became smaller and smaller each time an obstacle put your feet a little closer to the ground.

But hey, I give you that, you were a fucking stubborn warrior. You didn’t give up… soon. You fucking hated having feet on the ground like everybody else and fought and fought and fought…

And you won many times, maybe sometimes more than you actually needed, because after each you more strongly believed that a great fate was ahead of you.

I’m sorry. For you, and a little for me also, your disappointment is mine.

Fighting and winning lifted to a height so far from the ground that any fall would have been fatal. But how could you tell?

You realized too late, just a moment before stumbling, that you simply were not destined to anything. Let alone anything big. Your heart shattered when you finally faced the truth, and you fell.

It was a loud thud, down on the ground. You broke many bones but tried anyway to get up. At first, you tried to climb back, on a different pedestal this time. You blamed anything moving to justify your impossibility to climb. Anywhere.

That was the time we met and since then we walked side by side, but you just kept taking the scene! I kept an eye on you trying to understand you, always in the shadows.

Now, finally, I got the strength and guts to part from you. You fell, we fell, but I don’t blame you, us. You built walls and walls till your own self became a whole hundred-storey palace, laying on a frail foundation. No surprise it crumpled down.

But now that we both are on the ground floor, it’s time to acknowledge the fact that you, I, we weren’t meant to be great. Nothing was pre-designed, there was no fate, no destiny.

You wanted to be great, so do I, so do everybody, but there is no plan, never will be.

It’s painful, as painful as the fell we experienced, and that’s why I couldn’t part with you.

Until now. Now I get a glimpse of what the bright side can be. I was not meant to be great, I feel I am not great, but rather I am mediocre.

That’s wonderful, I guess.

It’s time to say goodbye, to you, to the pressure we put on ourselves all our life.

So thanks,

Farewell,

Good riddance.

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