A Good Spouse Is Not Just Something You Find

There are character checks a person should do before settling with a spouse, and the hard work required to make relationships work

Hello, guys! Today, I want to talk to you about something that is near and dear to our hearts — relationships and finding that perfect spouse. You see, in the grand tapestry of life, a good spouse is not just something you stumble upon like a hidden treasure. No, my friends, it’s a journey, a process, and a whole lot of work!

Let’s get real for a moment. Finding a life partner is often portrayed as a magical quest where the universe aligns the stars, and you find “the one.” While there’s some truth to that, it’s only part of the story. The real magic lies in what you do after you find them. Let’s explore this together.

Character Checks

Before you say “I do,” it’s crucial to embark on a journey of character checks. You know how companies carry out background checks as part of the recruitment process? Think of it as a relationship background check but with a lot more heart and soul. It’s not about stalking their social media or grilling them with a list of questions, but rather about observing their actions, their words, and their values.

1. Kindness Is Key: How does your potential spouse treat others? Are they kind to strangers, respectful to waitstaff, and loving towards their family? Kindness is a vital sign of a good heart.

2. Communication is Crucial: How do you both handle disagreements? Effective communication is the glue that holds relationships together. Can you talk openly and honestly about your thoughts and feelings?

3. Shared Values: Do your values align? While it’s okay to have differences, core values like faith, family, and life goals should be on the same page. These values will guide your shared journey.

4. Trustworthiness: Trust is the foundation of any relationship. Can you trust your partner to keep their promises and be there when you need them the most? Also, can you do everything in your power not to break trust? Once broken, you create room for doubt. It’s difficult to restore — may not be as good as before.

5. Growth Mindset: Are they open to personal growth and improvement? Life is a journey of learning and growing, and it’s essential that your partner is on board with this.

Factors like stress, health issues, losses, age, pregnancy, money etc can bring out totally new and different sides of your partner you never knew or thought existed.

The Hard Work Begins

Now that you’ve found someone with a heart of gold and shared values, the real work begins. Marriage, like any worthwhile endeavour, requires effort, commitment, and a good dose of humour. I am sure you didn't see the humour part coming. Yes, humour! It’s a secret sauce. So here are a few tips to keep the magic alive:

1. Invest in Communication: Continue to hone your communication skills. Listen actively and speak kindly. Remember, it’s not just about talking; it’s about truly understanding one another. This will help you create a customised way of communicating that your partner totally understands.

2. Date Night Isn’t Just for the Movies: Never underestimate the power of date night. Regularly set aside time for just the two of you. It keeps the spark alive and reminds you why you fell in love in the first place.

3. Embrace Change Together: Life is full of changes, and you’ll face happy and not-so-happy times together. Factors like stress, health issues, losses, age, pregnancy, money etc can bring out totally new and different sides of your partner you never knew or thought existed. Embrace these changes as opportunities for growth, both individually and as a couple.

4. Laugh Together: Oh I can’t emphasise this enough. Laughter is truly the best medicine. Don’t take yourselves too seriously; enjoy life’s little moments of joy and humour. Find laughter in everything. See the funny side of everything and every scenario. Be each other’s personal comedians. Play pranks on each other. The more you laugh together, the more you don’t take things too seriously. This takes away tension in the home. Laughter ventilates the soul.

5. Never Stop Appreciating: Never stop appreciating one another. Express your gratitude for the love and support you receive. It’s a simple act that goes a long way. Buy each other gifts for no reason then find a reason for the gift later. Meet each other’s needs in the process as well. My partner needed a laptop because she was starting a Master’s Degree program. I bought her an Apple Macbook and wrote a note on it saying she is the apple of my eye. She needed headphones to use when she goes for walks, I got her one and the note I attached to the gift read “Thank you for being a good listener”. Always express your appreciation for each other.

Don’t take yourselves too seriously; enjoy life’s little moments of joy and humour. Find laughter in everything. See the funny side of everything and every scenario. Be each other’s personal comedians. Play pranks on each other.

In conclusion, dear friends, a good spouse isn’t something you simply find and forget about. It’s a treasure that you work on every day. It’s about building a life together, growing together, and cherishing each other. So, whether you’re in a long-term relationship or on the quest for “the one,” remember that the real magic happens when you put in the effort to nurture your love and create a partnership that shines brightly in the world.

Someone rightly said, “If you want your angel to look fly, give her wings”. Most admirable attributes don’t drop from the skies. You have to cultivate and nurture them. Mould your partner into the image you desire. If you like the way another person you admire dresses, looks and talks, buy those kinds of clothes for your partner. Give them the education to become your preferred image. Your relationship is worth it, and you’ve got what it takes to make it truly extraordinary! Start with the little things.