A Good Life Checkup
To help you move forward and get back on track.
Am I on the right track? That subtle question that rings between the ears when the direction we are heading towards just doesn’t seem to line up with where we think we need to be. It would all be so much easier if the GPS on our phones had a “life trajectory” setting. But, why would you leave that type of fun up to an algorithm?
Knowing how to tell if the path you’re on is the right one for your life, is as important as the very path you choose. Below are three metrics that can help even the most puzzled trailblazer calibrate their compass.
What do you feel like when you wake up?
Your initial feelings in the morning tell you a tremendous amount about the direction you are heading in life. The pure unadulterated moments you have with your psyche, just as you open your eyes, can tell you a lot about the state of your life decisions at the present if you know where to look…
We can often suppress our phycological feedback during the day when distractions and imposed expectations are at an all-time high; but, in the morning, when most minds are coming out of a night of R.E.M sleep, our thoughts, instantaneous emotions, and the clarity of what many of us call our “gut instinct” is remarkably transparent.
Take advantage of these precious moments. Do you feel anxious each morning, unsure or stressed? Do you feel overjoyed to jump out of bed and succeed? Are you somewhere in between?
Catalog these emotional landmarks. Try this for a week straight; more if needed. Immediately upon waking up, record yourself describing exactly what you are feeling. You can write these initial feelings down if that is better for you; just make sure the way you track them is in line with your most honest form of expression. Then, listen to them right before you go to sleep.
Ask yourself the following types of questions: Is there a consistent state you awake into? What are you doing or not doing that places you in such an emotional state?
Before you do this, it is advisable to get the best sleep you can. The American Chemical Society (ACS) published a short article on the science of sleep, an informative read that sheds light on the chemistry of your snooze.
Pay close attention to your initial feelings the second your day starts. Then, reverse engineer through those emotions and find their cause, and be honest.
You would like “X” but are settling for “Y”.
Discovering if you are settling is often a lot easier to spot than you’d think. Now, there is settling on an enormous scale, and those choices, or lack of them, stand out clearly. Yet, the type of settling we’re looking for is the subtle form that occurs daily.
There is a term used by behavioral psychologists called “fading” and, in the context of settling, allowing it to take over can be nothing short of disastrous. The clinical term“fading” describes the slow withdrawal of an initial stimulant once used to encourage a person to perform a task; while replacing it with another form. This stimulant could be money, happiness in a long-term relationship, the freedom you’re allowed on projects at work, etc… The list goes on.
But, what if nothing was replacing this initial stimulus? Instead of having reason to continue investing effort, those reasons just slowly went away. Until they were completely gone. Would you still invest all your time, money, and talent?
The answer, when reading the above, is a resounding “NO”. However, fading is a form of psychological conditioning; meaning, that you are being trained to accept a lack of stimulus gradually. It doesn’t happen all at once. This re-conditioning to continue giving and to receive little, to nothing, in return slowly enters your life. The resulting emotion it evokes can resemble that of helplessness.
But, you are not helpless. Take a clear look at what you choose to do every day. Where is your money going? Look at what you have been accepting in your relationships. Where have you given and received little to nothing, consistently?
Sounds good, but you don’t know where to start? Pull up your online bank statements from the last year and print them. Draw a line through purchases that gave you no return (no joy, electricity, food, good memories, etc.). Now, instead of making them in the future, save your money for investments that do.
Pull out your phone and read through the text conversations that come up highest on your list. Do you feel good about the balance in these relationships, or are you always initiating? Do you avoid them? How could the balance be improved?
You get the picture. Wake up with new eyes and find channels where you have been giving and not receiving anything in return. Close them and open ones where the goodness flows both ways.
Saying… No.
No can be a difficult answer to give. “No, I don’t want your number.” “No, I’m not willing to cover your shift, just because I did in the past.” “No, your statements are incorrect.” “No, based on my education and experience, my starting salary should be higher than what you are offering me.”
The answer No acts as a jetty, whereupon the waves of inquiry break; and stopping a moving object, wave, or comment takes strength. Sometimes we fear the anticipated impact so much that we just let the wave roll on through.
“Sure… um. Let me just… get out my phone.” “Well, ah. Yeah, I guess I could cover your shift.” “Those are your statements? Maybe they are right.” “Oh… okay, that starting salary is fine.”
All of us know the feeling of defeat when we allow ourselves the luxury of fearing the wave’s impact. But what happens in our lives when we let too many waves roll through? Chaos. Allow your personal stretch of coastline to remain serene. Learn to build your jetty and learn to say No with a smile and a thank you. Feel strong whilst you preserve the peace in your life; and just as the continual washing of waves against the stone polishes its surface, so too will your responses of No become smoother.
Happiness is a requirement.
You get one life. Change can be scary, but it’s nowhere near as frightening as a lack of freedom. We all have the opportunity to work and make our lives better. Make the path you take, one where happiness is a priority.
Happiness requires doing. Just like the action of brushing your teeth to achieve a healthier smile, learn to look at the actions you take daily to achieve happiness in the same way. Necessary.
Only you will prioritize your happiness in life. Look at every action you take towards building it, as vital to the health of your life and those in it.
Don’t be afraid to make the changes to achieve happiness. The freedom you have to pursue joy is what to focus on. The natural cycle to life ebbs and flows. Many people and experiences come and go. But, if done well, the happiness from fully and wholeheartedly living life will remain.
In summary:
- Record your thoughts on life as you wake up in the morning. Use these as a place to start looking for patterns you no longer want and set them right.
- Find out where you have been fading, learn to require a return from your investments, and balance in your relationships.
- Say No with a thank you at the end. Learn to build your peaceful harbor.
- Live life to the fullest so you don’t have the energy to be afraid.
Much Love,
D.A. Rutherford