A Flash Of October

wish I could handle the cold

In the transition from iced everything to hot, moving sunglasses from desk to drawer, pulling my favorite thin gray coat from out the closet. I could’ve sworn that rip wasn’t there when I put it away in April, but look at it now — inside on the right, with a little down stuffing poking out. I make a mental note to mend it. I never will.

In the transition from working to schooling, watching free time take a carefully scheduled knife to its extremities, wish I could do the same. I’d like to carve my limbs down until I can sketch my skeleton freehand. I thought I was past this. why is my brain harder to handle in the cold?

In the transition, listening to Sweater Weather it soothes the corners of my mouth, raw from turning down. my tongue is a little sore because I never drink enough water when the air bites back.

In the transition, it’s dark in the evening. I don’t want to think about deadlines or dinner I put on my old track hoodie and a pair of fuzzy socks. My roommate buys me a pint of Ben & Jerry’s. I hate the cold except when it’s my teeth aching from the chill. Freezing stony fingers wrap around my skull and shrink my thoughts down to the essentials.

In the transition, the sun sets. I don’t think I imagine the flash at the horizon. October breezes by me and leaves a pumpkin to rot on my desk.

Notes

In my experience with the academic calendar, September is frenzied. October is when the reality of the transition into the school year really begins to set in and become routine.

This is the second in a series of poems I wrote over the course of last month focusing on October. Part of the concept is based around this viral tweet:

October is the beginning of the end of the year, but it’s also very nearly the beginning of the academic year, and it usually marks for good the end of the warm, lovely, free illusion that is summer. October is usually a hard month for me, or at the very least a weird one.

The first poem in this series focused more on Thursday as a concept. You can read it here.

Thanks for reading! If you’d like to read more of my poetry, check out my pieces ‘strangulation is embarrassing’ and ‘nanotalk’.

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