Summary

The article emphasizes the importance of fathers establishing a strong foundation of values and self-worth in their children to help them navigate the challenges of adolescence, particularly in the face of social pressures and mental health issues.

Abstract

The article, "A Firm Foundation," discusses the critical role of fathers in guiding their children through the tumultuous teenage years. It acknowledges the unconditional love and companionship dogs provide as an ideal model for parenting. The piece highlights the challenges teens face, including academic pressure, competitive sports, and a complex social landscape, exacerbated by social media. Despite positive trends in adolescent behavior, such as decreased drug use and teen pregnancy, there is a concerning rise in anxiety, depression, and suicide among young people. The article argues that fathers must actively instill core values like honesty, respect, and kindness early on to build resilience in their children. It stresses that a child's identity should be rooted in internal character rather than external validation, preparing them to withstand social adversity and thrive.

Opinions

Dogs serve as an exemplary model for the kind of unconditional love and loyalty that parents should strive to provide to their children.
The adolescent years are fraught with challenges, including the pressures of academics, sports, and social dynamics, which can lead to feelings of insecurity and anxiety.
Despite improvements in certain adolescent behaviors, there is a alarming increase in mental health issues among teens, which is a serious concern for parents.
The article suggests that fathers have a vital role in establishing a strong moral foundation for their children to help them cope with life's difficulties.
The author believes that a person's identity should be based on internal values and character, not on performance or social status.
The article emphasizes that fathers must consistently reinforce these values and provide unconditional support to their children, regardless of the challenges they face.

A Firm Foundation

Dads’ Survival Guide: Parenting

Photo courtesy of Oscar Sutton on Unsplash

Dogs are great.

Everyone loves a pooch. Playful. Eager. Affectionate. And incredibly loyal.

Dubbed “a Dad’s best friend”, dogs deliver happy, cheerful greetings at the door. Bouncing alongside. Anxious to explore new territory. Or the same trail, over and over.

A dog’s love is unconditional. Joy and affection are not predicated on how his day went. Whether the food was too mushy. The water dish bone dry. His master forgot to feed him, entirely. Or take that promised walk.

Which is why dogs are loved so much. Especially by our kids. Who wish their schoolmates would act a bit more like the family pet. Than selfish, judgy humans.

The people part of life gets more challenging as our kids reach their teens. I’m wrestling with three in this phase, now. Phew!

Middle and High School years are bewildering. For parents and kids. Classwork is tougher. Sports more competitive. And the social scene, a gauntlet to navigate. With the added woes of puberty, the maelstrom can be incredibly harsh. Leaving many youngsters feeling insecure. Apprehensive. Struggling to find their fit.

As Dads, perhaps we think we have all the answers. But we know how much we floundered through that period. And we didn’t have the social media wildcard mixed in. An online brood of vipers, dressed up as ‘friends’ and ‘fans’.

Sure, it’d be great if our kids’ pals were as faithful and devoted as a pup. Unfortunately, the world doesn’t operate that way.

Meaning, us Dads have to start early. Laying the groundwork. To build a foundation in our tykes’ hearts. Enabling them to handle the rigors of growing up. While learning how to thrive and flourish.

So, where do Dads start?

Today’s Teen

“Awwww, we had it rough.” The description of childhood toils by two old codgers in a favorite Monty Python skit. Us Dads often feel that way.

Yep, we had it rough. And our kids have it easy. Right?

“By many markers, kids are doing fantastic,” notes UC Irvine Psychologist, Dr. Candice Odger. “Young people are more educated; less likely to get pregnant, use drugs; less likely to die of accident or injury.”

The numbers support her perspective. According to the NY Times, smoking and drinking have dropped precipitously among young adults. Use of cocaine and OxyContin have fallen. Even teen sex is down.

Great parenting! Way to go, Dads. Ahhhh, not so fast.

Dr. Odger continues, “There are really important trends in anxiety, depression and suicide that stop us in our tracks. And we need to figure it out. Because it’s life or death for these kids.”

ADHD diagnoses are up 40% in the last decade. Reports of major depressive episodes among adolescents have grown 60%. And suicide rates for 10–24 year olds are skyrocketing.

Almost half of young women report feeling persistently sad or hopeless. And while the numbers are lower among boys, they’re not insignificant.

Yikes. This is serious stuff. Issues us Dads are not particularly well-versed. Understanding. Or how to address.

Putting our head in the sand is not the answer. We can’t wish them away. Or blame social media and kids’ phone habits for the disturbing trends.

People Pleasing

Humans are tribal. By design. Yearning to be noticed. Affirmed. Approved. Accepted. Everyone wants to be liked. By those in the group we choose. The genesis of our people-pleasing gene.

And because a teen’s identity is so intricately entwined with friendships, this people-pleasing need can create an over-desire for conformity. Compliance. Chasing any trend that others pursue. Check out the common teen dress code. Hairstyles. Phones. Favored artists or YouTubers. All the same.

Fitting in. Finding one’s tribe. My circle. My gang. My people. For teens who feel like they belong, life is sunny. For those unable to connect, days can be dark. Stressful. Anxious. Depressing.

And the realms of Instagram, TikTok and other social media make matters worse. Hence the precipitous decline in mental wellness for adolescents. Leaving so many feeling alone. And hopeless.

No Dad believes our kids will fall into this trap. Until they do. The stats don’t lie.

Firm Foundation

Dogs never sour on us. Sadly, people do.

Part of our fickle human nature. And the crux of disappointment our little ones will face. Sure, teen angst can result from bad grades. Or tough days on the field. But the real hurt comes on the social scene. Fractured friendships. Snubs. Shattered romances.

Self-doubt can set in. Uncertainty about who we are. As a person. And whether we measure up. This can be a catalyst for the downward spiral Dr. Odger cites.

To properly protect our sons and daughters — especially our daughters — Dads have to act early. Like now. Today.

“If we don’t stand for something, we’ll fall for anything.”

What do we stand for? As a family. Our values and principles. Beliefs. Convictions. How do we behave with others. The basis for our interactions. And relationships.

Facing the tide of teenage tribulation requires a firm foundation. A solid rock. Honesty. Trustworthiness. Clarity about right and wrong. The importance of humility. Respect. Decency. Kindness. Love.

Dads must also instill a critical truth. One’s identity is borne from the inside. A reflection of our character. Not defined by performance. Public fanfare. Status in a group. Or the vacillating feelings of others. Character is the source of resilience. The armor against adversity. To overcome obstacles. And find our way.

Establishing these foundations is Job One for us Dads. For the health and well-being of our children. Reminding them again and again. Over and over. No matter how much they complain.

Dads want the best for our kids. Yet, we can’t police the playgrounds. Hallways. Or ball fields. But we can remind them that no matter what, Mom and Dad will always be there for them. Because our love is unconditional.

Just like a pup.

Go, Dads. Go.