A Father’s Timeless Advice to His Son

My 15 Lessons from Rudyard Kipling’s “IF”

Growing up into my teenage years, life was becoming confusing and challenging. My body was changing, hormones raging through infatuations and puppy love, life quickly became aimless from studying meaningless subjects and passing exams, as the uncertain future loomed large and hopeless.

In the jungle maze of life, I came across a poem poster that was to change my life forever. The poem “IF” was written in 1895 by the India-born British Nobel laureate poet Rudyard Kipling.

It was a timely confrontation with the existential conditions of life’s reality — the different situations yet to be encountered in my life. I was immediately inspired by the wisdom of Kipling’s words on how to engage the increasingly complex world, and the philosophy underpinning a victorious life as a good and decent human being characterised by humility, patience, thoughtful consideration, logical and rational thinking, honesty, dependability, and perseverance.

I bought the poster, mounted it on a wooden frame, and hung it above my study desk. The poster was to follow me from secondary to high school, to the Universities, and to my early workplaces. Later, it hung over my bed, and become my constant reference every morning during the challenging and daunting growing-up years. Its relevance and wisdom remain even more pertinent today.

15 TIMELESS LESSONS FOR VICTORIOUS LIVING

1) Everything Can be Managed, You Are in Control

Life is about responding to what it throws at you. While you cannot prevent unpleasant things, as well as good stuff, from happening to you, your responses to them determine their consequences and the directions of your life. The Key is, you can always deal with them in a satisfying and victorious way.

2) Be Calm Under Pressure, Keep your Head Cool

It is true that when the going gets rough and tough, the tougher person gets going. Life is full of situations where confused persons around you will act crazy and irrationally, no matter what their education levels. Patience and steadfastness will point the way to effective solutions

3) Trust Yourself, Listen to Feedback

Yours may be the only adult voice in the room at many-a-times. Self-confidence, while listening actively to feedback, comes from a deep passion in your soul which trusts in the cosmic wisdom and divine guidance embedded in each one of us. Close your eyes, and take 3 deep breaths, before opening them to see new opportunities as you peep into the depth of often dark, bottomless crisis.

4) Be Honest and Authentic, Embrace Integrity

Do not indulge in lies even as others may lie about you. Be truthful always. Yes, you may be tempted to lie at times. Do not give way to return lies for lies. The truth will eventually prevail. Jealousy, envy, selfishness, racism and hatred are some of main reasons why people lie about you. Be your authentic self. Remain respectful as the better person, as you show compassion and love to overcome their love for power and domination.

5) Be Humble, Not Boastful, and Talk Simply

Speak plainly, to be understood by ordinary people. Be humble and not bragging or boasting. True, people like to talk and show how good or knowledgeable they are. It’s OK to feel good about your achievements and accolades. Know that others who are less accomplished, or with low self-esteem, may feel uncomfortable in your company and avoid you, or become rude and competitive. Let humility be your personal guide always.

6) Dream but Do Not Be Dreamy, Pursue Them Realistically

“If you can dream, and not make dreams your master”, said Kipling. Yes, we should reach out beyond our grasp. Indeed, our dreams have led us to achieve monumental innovations and medical breakthroughs to save lives, enhance well-being, have enabling technology, enrich millions and eradicate several million out of poverty. And then some. Your thoughts are not your master or life objectives. They can mislead you, detach you from reality and send you into the dark rabbit hole of dark endless hope, and despair. Stay focused and grounded in reality.

7) Deal with Success and Failure the Same Way

Both “success” and “failure” are transients. Success is usually not sustainable, just as failure is often not fatal. Therefore, it is more prudent to be magnanimous in victory without gloating or boasting about it. Similarly, be dignified and gracious in defeat or loss. Be stoic in both success and failure, treating both as “imposters” to be ignored beyond their event moments. Move on with your life without living in past glories or languishing in passing defeats.

8) Remain Truthful — see Lesson (4)

Over the years, I have seen my words distorted, misrepresented, and deliberately misused or abused. Some people will do this out of jealousy, envy, selfishness, racism, and hatred. Their aim is to benefit themselves in some ways and manner. Eventually, their lies will entrap them. In the end, you will always be exonerated by the unchanging truths. Silent tolerance and self-discipline will strengthen you as you deploy the associated Lessons (1) and (2) above.

9) Pick Up the Pieces to Recover from Crisis, Brokenness, and Disaster

Rebuilding a broken life, and picking up the pieces after some life crisis was just a couple of the most painful periods of my life. Keeping cool, maintaining mental toughness and perseverance all contributed to my resilience amidst financial indebtedness to overcome, prevail and survive. I meditated on the new life awaiting to inject fresh energy and passion even as I pick up the scattered pieces to build my life anew. The future beckons and I were ready to engage again.

10) Take Risks, Be Mentally Tough

Life is a risky game demanding mental fortitude and toughness. An uncertain future threatens any sense of permanence. Things happen. Many think that unpleasant things seem to happen more frequently. Mentally, are you prepared to take a risk for an “all-in” bet in a game of pitch-and-toss? Kipling understands that sometimes, life offers no other option choice but to bet it all at one go. In the event, you may lose all your possessions. So be it. You lean back to Lesson (9) without uttering a word about your loss and rebuild a new alternative future. However, be optimistic. You can also take big risks and achieve great success. Mindpower matters. It’s all in the mind, trust me.

11) Persevere with the Power of Will, Be Resilient

When you have nothing left in you, drained by life’s insatiable appetite for endless struggling battles, you are left with only your “heart, nerve, and sinew”. That should be enough. With every breath willing, you must “hold on”, moving one tiny weeny step at a time to serve out your dying life. Remember your dreams (Lesson 6)? Your will is the hidden energy reserve, driven only by your heart, and it acts to prevent abject surrender in total exhaustion. Get comfort from Lesson (1).

12) Know your Station, Remain Humble, Do Not Let Power Gets into your Head

More to Lesson (5). As you “walk with Kings”, remember to know your station in life, “keeping your virtue” as you mingle with the powerful, speaking plainly to all. Never “lose the common touch”. The common people will keep you anchored firmly in the social reality of needs and real-life issues. The powerful can and will provide the opportunities to reach the higher goals and objectives of your dreams (Lesson 6).

13) Be Reliable but Do Not Be Dependent on Others

Develop yourself physically and mentally strong as immunity to physical and psychological threats by others, even loved ones. Remember that you can only be hurt by those whom you love. Others may support and like you according to the benefits they derived from your relationship with them. They may even bestow a sense of importance on you through prestige, money, and networks. Be cautioned that none should count “too much” on you, in order to maintain your independent objective, integrity, and impartiality. Do not be restricted or controlled by others as they suck you into their scheme of things often bereft of your interests. Whatever you depend on too much will become your weakness.

14) Manage your Time, Be Productive, Always Do the Important but Not Urgent

Time is “unforgiving”. It is in constant flux, always passing never to return. Fill the “unforgiving minute with 60 seconds’ worth of distance run” is the best definition of productivity. It does not refer to activities alone. Do not confuse motion with action. Refreshing, rejuvenating, and reconstituting your mind and body are the best productive use of time. Again, it’s not the quantity of time you put in; it is what you “put” into the time.

15) Know The Goal of the Main Thing in your Life, Live the Right Way

The main thing in life is to know the main thing. The main thing in living is to do everything associated with the main thing(s) of your life. What is the main thing in your life? What makes you a complete human being who is not merely occupying space and wasting oxygen? How do you intend to inherit “the Earth and everything that’s in it”? State in one sentence with one breath, the goal of the Main Thing of your life.

Hope the poem “IF” has inspired you the same way it transformed my life over the past 40 years. Kipling writes it for his son, but it has inspired and motivated many others like myself in our life journey. Go forth with confidence. Be emboldened and empowered.

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