A Digital Detox Changed My Life

Here’s why you should do one too.

I remember a time, not so long ago when we weren’t all plugged in all of the time.

Now, it seems impossible to find a moment when people aren’t online. You see it all the time. Just go down any street, and people have their smartphones in their hands while they’re walking at the bus stop or waiting in line. Go out to dinner, and other patrons of the pub or restaurant have their smartphones with them.

At home, in the bathroom, on the toilet, while cooking … everything we do we seem to be able to find a way to take along that little digital shackle we call our phone.

And it isn’t just the smartphone; it’s our tablets, laptops, the streaming services on the television. Everything in this modern-day world is designed to keep us all connected, and all plugged in in some way.

Could you imagine bringing someone from the 1980s to this time and showing them the world. They’d think we’d all gone mad.

Futuristic films got it so wrong. We didn’t make the world a better place. No. We ignored it and everything around us because our eyes are always down on the screen watching the latest ticktock video or liking the latest meme.

What kind of world have we really created for ourselves? Is being bored so terrible that we can’t stand to feel it for a moment? Can we really not stand in line in a supermarket and just be there, in the moment? And when we go to restaurants, is it such a bad thing to sit alone without pulling our your phone if your companion goes to the gents or ladies?

Studies show us now that people are using their phones and digital devices more than ever before. It’s everywhere. It seems when we need to wait, or we have a moment that might mean we have to be with ourselves and our own thoughts, we’re now programmed to pull these little machines out of our pockets to check them.

And it’s sad, really. The most heart-breaking thing I see is families at restaurants, and the children on their phones, or iPads, or whatever other devices they have. Childhood is so short, and before you know it, your children are grown up and moving out, is it really too hard to have them not plugged in all the time? So, they might get a little bored, so what? Did anyone ever die from boredom?

I’m glad smartphones weren’t around when my children were little. I’m sure I’d have fallen into the same traps. But I’d have missed so much chatter we used tohave around the dinner table every night. Precious moments when it was the family eating dinner and talking, with no television on, nothing.

It saddens me now when my children come over for a meal, or for a family event and they’re tap, tap, tapping at the screens talking to someone else, scrolling something else. Is it so hard to be with your family for an hour or two, without the need to check social media?

And it isn’t their fault. These devices are designed to hook us like that, and they do. We fall for it.

Social media Has Ways to Keep Us Online

I can guarantee you if I logged onto social media right now, someone has one of those tag games. You know the one. It starts, you’re quarantine crew is, and then you tag 15 of your Facebook friends, or what about those posts that ask you to do the sharing pictures for ten days, no explanations things? They’re designed to keep you online, to keep you plugged in. You trade your time for their money. The corporations who own and run these things get rich, while you trade the one valuable currency you have. Time.

I experimented at the last family holiday we took. Every time we were out, I took my book. I had it with me, and every time a family member pulled out their phone and started scrolling, I took out my book and started reading. Do you know how many complaints I got? I heard things such as, are we boring you? or well, goodbye then. And it was funny. None of then could see the irony in it, and we don’t. Why is it socially acceptable to pull your phone out at the dinner table and start scrolling or chatting to someone else, yet reading a book is considered rude?

Digital Minimalism

I’ve had an interest in digital minimalism for about a couple of years now, and last year I discovered the book, Digital Minimalism, by Cal Newport. If you haven’t read it, go and get yourself a copy. It’s insightful and a real eye-opener as to the damage we’re doing to ourselves and our futures.

Don’t Keep Your Phone Next to You

· When you’re in bed

· When you’re out to dinner

· When you’re eating dinner at home

· When you’re working

· When you’re not working

In fact, put the thing away somewhere unless you’re expecting such an urgent call that it would be dire if you missed it.

Ask yourself, why do you need it right next to you?

Cognition Problems

Do you know that just having your phone next to you, even if it is turned face down on the desk, can have an adverse effect on your cognitive capacity to carry out other tasks? I didn’t know this, but it makes a lot of sense.

When I was studying for my degree in Neuropsychology, I had such a hard time staying focused. I couldn’t keep my mind on the topics even if I loved them, and that happened with my reading habit, too. I’d once been a voracious reader and when I say this, I mean, I used to read 3–5 books per week every week, and I did that for years. The only times I didn’t have my nose in a book was when I couldn’t because either I had to work, was driving or something else that prevented me from reading. But then I got my first iPhone in 2010, and it all went downhill from there. I’d say it happened slowly, but really, it wasn’t long before my social media and smartphone habit had taken over my reading. My 3–5 books a week, became 3–5 books a year, and I’m not exaggerating. I couldn’t focus on a book, because my mind was constantly on alert for a notification or a message. That immersion into the reading world died soon, and reading became hard. How many times I said, I just can’t get into anything, which was really, I don’t let myself get into anything because I’m scrolling and distracted.

And there was a reason for that. My brain was always plugged in. I’d sold my focus to my smartphone. It’s taken me years to recover, and a digital detox for a real effect. I’m not reading the way I used to yet, maybe I’m at three books a month, but it’s better than it had been.

The Rise in Mental Illness

Do you think it’s a coincidence that smartphones came out around the late 00s and that since then, the occurrences of mental illness have risen, with a notable increase in teenagers who report suffering from such conditions as depression and anxiety?

I am not a teenager, but I found this myself. Granted, I already have OCD, and that has been a lifelong thing for me, but after getting my smartphone, I can say that my anxiety in general increased at a tremendous rate. I got to the point I was anxious just going out by myself without someone to chat to over messenger on my phone. Going to the supermarket, or a simple walk, filled me with panic when, in the past, I had no qualms about doing these things. It was such a strange feeling and a terrible cycle. The more I used my phone for these outings, the more I needed them each time I went out. I’d have entire walks with my smartphone in my hand because the idea of not being plugged in sent my anxiety to levels that had me near emotional meltdowns. It might sound dramatic, but there are so many people I know that feel this way.

I once told my children when they came for Christmas dinner, bear in mind, this is only a few hours, that smartphones weren’t welcome. I wanted to spend time with them, to chat with them. I wanted us all to be connected. Their phones had to sit on the shelf in the kitchen. The eldest daughter had such an emotional breakdown about it that she said she wasn’t coming. And I don’t blame her for that. She’s like everyone her age. She was as hooked as I had once been and that she sheer thought of being without a device sends panic through people. But should it really be like this?

We’ve survived all this time without the need to be constantly connected. Why is it such an issue now?

Gaming Disorder

Did you know that addiction to video games is now a mental health condition? It has got so bad that people are so addicted to playing video games, that the addiction warrants being up there with alcohol and gambling. According to the American Psychiatric Association, certain neurological pathways in the brains of addicted video games react the same way as if the person was a drug addict.

What is a Digital Detox?

It isn’t about giving everything up forever. But it is about giving it up for a sustained amount of time, usually a week or thirty days. Just like any addict going into a detox, the first road to recovery is total abstinence.

I wish I could do a 100% week off. Unfortunately, my business is online, so I have to have some connectivity, but I shut down every possible place I can and don’t check them. Social media gets removed and banned from my browsers; my phone gets stored in another room at every chance I can. I ban certain things and take my usage right down to the bare minimum. What I do find funny with this, is when I detox as much as I can, I get asked if I’m okay. Asked why I’m not online as much — something must be wrong. And I tell them no. I’m just living my life, enjoying things. But that’s how ingrained it is. Your friends have expectations about your online usage.

Is Detoxing Hard?

It is at first. That first day, it is incredible how many times you reach for your phone and find it isn’t there. Do you know the average person checks their phone 150 times per day according to a study conducted in 2017, and that we spend an average of 3.5 hours a day on our phones, with 20% of users having an excess of 4 hours a day.

Is It Worth It?

Absolutely. I now have my phone usage down to an average of an hour per day, which is still more than I would like, but it is a significant improvement from my 29 hours per week.

The weirdest thing I found, though, was the more I wasn’t on social media, the more I didn’t want to go on social media. I allow myself Saturdays to scroll. That’s my rule. I figure if anyone needs to tell me something important, they’ll contact me directly. Other than that, it can wait until I see it.

I thought I’d be chomping at the bit to get on social media on Saturday, but actually, not really. In fact, when I go on, I get bored really quickly. I see the same people moaning about the same things, the same memes being posted, the same arguments, just the topics are different. It’s a cesspool sometimes, and you see that when you back away, or at least I did.

I Reshaped My Usage

Like any addict, I had to redesign my relationship with social media. I knew that if I just allowed it back into my life, I’d be back to my 29 hours a week of time-wasting. So instead, I asked myself what do I really need? Why do I need to be there? And then I made plans around my answers.

I am good at pretending to be online. If I go online to post as I said, I have a business that utilises social media, so I need to post, then I pretend to be present. I may comment on the one post at the top of my newsfeed. I might click like, and often I do because it creates an image of me being present online. But then I post what I need and vanish again.

I have shortcuts to the groups I need to look at. I am an author, and I have a reader/fan/friend group. I need to be in there, so I have a shortcut to it which means I can bypass all the rest of the stuff that would hook me back in. But saying that, I only check these groups once a day, and usually at night when all my work is done, and I have the time. Like any former addict, I have to control what I do.

I needed my life back from social media and my smartphone. A digital detox helped me to do that, and the magic thang that happened? I feel so much happier. That anxiety of going out without being connected? It’s no longer there. Do you know how freeing that is?

Life is such a fantastic thing. All you have to do is look up from your screen and see it.