A Day to Myself
Do you have to be an extrovert to have a “good” birthday?
Years ago I was at a small bar that featured dance lessons. It was my first time there, and it was a girl’s 24th birthday. All of the regulars in the bar got in on the celebration. There was cake, there were balloons, there were sparklers outside in the parking lot.
The night ended with a little dancing. The birthday girl hit the floor with a handsome man — no one else was out there with them. Twenty seconds into their dance, another man cut in and swept the birthday girl around the floor. Twenty seconds after that, another man, and another — this went on for several songs. She was the belle of the ball.
Damn, I thought, that’s my goal — by my 24th birthday (I was only 21 at the time) I will be like her — I’ll have a community like this, and they’ll celebrate me like her community is celebrating her.
Funny how I thought I might transform myself into an extrovert in 3 years time!
It’s never happened. I turn 40 in 2 days, and it won’t happen then, either.
For years, I couldn’t shake the sense that I should have had that birthday at least once in my life. That I should have been the girl who would enjoy being the center of attention. But every time the opportunity came up, I shook it off and tromped off somewhere to be alone.
The belle of the ball birthday looked great in theory, but the truth is, I’m not that girl.
My happiest moments have usually taken place with my dog in the middle of a forest, or climbing a steep mountain trail, or wandering unimpeded through the desert. My joy doesn’t spring from people looking at me or celebrating me.
My joy emerges softly when I’m alone.
So for this milestone birthday, I’ll turn off my phone. Then I’ll drive out into nature, somewhere where I’m unlikely to see anyone at all.
I’ll spend my day in luxurious solitude, hiking when the mood strikes, napping when I feel like it, eating wildflowers, not paying attention to what I’m wearing, or even knowing how I look.
In the evening I’ll dance alone under the crescent moon and I’ll sleep under the stars, and I’ll celebrate the place I’ve been lucky enough to inhabit in this magnificent universe, and I’ll be grateful that I took the time to recognize that for a girl like me, the best birthdays happen alone.
Thank you to Trista Signe Ainsworth for the writing prompt!