A day in the life of a privileged white woman who wakes up at 5 a.m. to work out, drink grass smoothies and avoid real issues

Inspired by the brilliance of HSBC executive Melania Edwards and Business Insider’s hard-hitting expose as to just how easy it can be for women to have it all and do it all, we interviewed another woman equally as realistic.

Serena Fitzgerald wakes up at 5 a.m. to meditate, savor the morning, and get ready for her day mentally.

She chalks her love of meditation up to an event she did once in Central Park with 5,000 other aspiring yogis.

“It taught me the true meaning of isolation,” she recalled.

At 6:30 a.m., she catches up with friends and family — but only through FaceTime or Skype.

While lesser women roll over and check their Instagram feeds, the young executive only carries on conversations via video chat services.

“Oh, no I never check my social media,” she said. “I don’t even have a social media. Gwyneth Paltrow said looking at social media gives you eye cancer.”

She eats breakfast — a handful of almonds

“I heard there was something about an ‘almond drought’ in California, but how can there be a drought when stores still sell them?” she said, popping a cocoa-roasted almond into her mouth.

At 7:30 a.m., she plays an invigorating game of tennis.

Before heading to work, she likes to play a game in the latest Adidas (pronounced Ah-dee-DAS, not the heathen pronunciation A-DEE-dahs) fashions. She laments having to Poshmark her once-beloved Nike after the whole “Serena thing.”

“She’s just *so* big for a woman, you know?” she said. “It’s unhealthy for a woman to look like that.

“And come on, there’s a dress code! Everyone had to abide by it! Why does everyone have to make everything about race?”

At 8:30 a.m., she goes to work.

She walks to her office in sneakers, catching the eye of every struggling family in the Bay Area who think “I could pawn those $300 sneakers for this month’s groceries.”

Fitzgerald gets into the office around 9 a.m.

Once she’s at work, her day is filled with meetings featuring young, white, male executives who ask her to get them coffee and “jot this down for later.”

She tells herself notetaking has become part of her job, and her excellent penmanship will certainly fare well on a resume.

Around 10:30 a.m., she meets with tech companies.

“It’s exciting to learn about new technologies changing the world,” she said. “I’d never actually learn to code myself, though. What do I look like, a nerd?”

Fitzgerald eats lunch at noon every day.

“I just love seasonal produce,” she said, smiling at her fresh berry and chicken salad over romaine with a pomegranate dressing. “And knowing these come from the hands of hard-working Americans just makes it taste better.”

Around 1:30 p.m., she goes back to work.

Changing back into her heels, Fitzgerald sits down for another round of meetings. She’s most proud of her Women Rising Up in Tech program, a group that celebrates and promotes 10 inspiring white, affluent women in the financial technology space — and only in the US.

“We recognize there’s a problem with how women are underrepresented in senior positions,” she said. “By bringing together the wealthiest and whitest minds in the field, we think we can drive a positive change for all women.”

Whenever her hand starts cramping from taking notes, she knows it’s time to travel to the company’s second office. She takes the Caltrain between the two (wow what a normal woman).

“The Bay area just has so much culture,” she said of a city that’s roughly 50 percent white and male. “But Palo Alto offers even more for technology. I’m so lucky to commute between two innovative and thriving environments where I never feel out of place.”

During her commute, Fitzgerald carefully sets up the perfect workspace.

She said posting about her workspace to Instagram multiple times during her commute keeps her accountable to her work and her 15.4K followers.

A big believer in continuous learning, Fitzgerald is getting her online certificate in Self-Fulfillment and Privilege from Cambridge.

Later in the evening, she works with an organization “somewhere in Africa” to promote education among young girls.

“It just feels so good knowing I can give back,” she said. “I’m blessed to be part of something bigger than myself.”

“Will I go visit them? Oh gosh, no. It’s just too dangerous for white women like me there. What if I catch Ebola or starvation or something like that?”

At 7:30 p.m., she does yoga.

To work out all those kinks from sitting and taking notes, Fitzgerald either does yoga with her personal trainer (who trained Queen Gwyneth one time) or squeezes in a barre class.

Still, the best way to wind down is by cooking with her underachieving boyfriend who is working on his third failed app launch.

“Surrounding myself with his underachieving energy makes me feel much more productive,” she said.

After dinner, they stroll around their neighborhood.

“I feel totally safe at night with him,” she said, smiling. “I’m not like those women who fear walking alone. They play the victim card. I bravely walk every night to show women everywhere they’re just being weak by being concerned walking at night.

“I’ve never once had an issue with this. I don’t see why other women make such a big deal.”

And to top off the end of the night, Fitzgerald keeps bedside reading handy.

“I’m currently reading Women Who Work by my girl Ivanka Trump,” she said. “She’s overcome a staggering amount of adversity.

“I want to excel in everything I do just like her.”

Editorial Note: The contents of this article were written by our social media intern who did not fact check the statements made by the subject. Due to budget cuts, we were also unable to send a photographer to the subject’s residence and confirm the statements made in this article were in fact true.

Oh well. Have fun hating yourselves.

About the Author: Shelby Rogers is no relation to the Avenger of the same name, but she’d love to marry him one day. When she’s not behind a computer, she’s on a roller coaster, on a treadmill, or on local puppy adoption sites. The Orlando-based twenty-something claims to know nothing at all, which she asserts is the best way to live. Tweet at @shelby_rogers or follow her Disney Annual Passholder adventures @shelbysphere on Instagram.