A Day in the Life of a Guy in a Polyamorous Relationship

A Silly Excursion into the Life of a Guy in a Polyamorous Relationship

Have you ever sat back and wondered what it must be like to be in someone else’s shoes? To live their lives for a day, to feel what they feel, experience what they experience, see what they see? This story attempts to give you the chance to do just that, take a casual stroll into my life for a day to see what its like.

While some of you might consider this downright taboo or even super-duper-freaky-deaky, I’ve said it before and will repeat: I’m a man who’s in love with a woman who’s in love with another man — but she’s also in love with me. He is her husband, I am her boyfriend. We have a very wonderful, caring, healthy, happy relationship that often feels more like a unified whole than two distinct relationships taking place side-by-side. It’s actually pretty great, if I’m being both honest and boastful, here.

We’re polyamorous and we’re also in a closed relationship, which means that she maintains a relationship with him and a relationship with myself, but no one sleeps with other people outside of the three of us. I’m sure there are plenty out there who’ve wondered what it’s like to have a situation like ours — the thought of it totally blew my mind before I got into such a situation, but alas, here I am, typing this now — so this story will seek to give you a glimpse into the polyamorous experience firsthand, to see what it’s really like, which isn’t too much unlike other relationships once you accept your partner sleeping with another person in the other room. While our dynamic isn’t every other dynamic, here goes nothin’…

Good Morning!

My morning started out a bit unusually, seeing as my girlfriend didn’t come pounce on me first thing in the morning like she always does, supposing she didn’t sleep in my room with me. That’s a thing in our situation, that she chooses which room to sleep in basically on a whim every night, as he and I both have separate rooms. We’re all perfectly okay with this arrangement. Sometimes people need or want space, sometimes people want closeness, sometimes she wants to be here with me, other times she wants to be there with him, and nobody throws a fuss over it — that’s just the way it is. If either he or I need a night to ourselves, we let her know and our wishes are respected — as it should be. So now I’ve awoken solo, time to start the day, I guess.

Staggering into the kitchen to fetch myself a cup of caffeine, I found him and two friends who’d been invited over chugging their morning Joe, and we all began to talk as I poured myself a cup of beautiful, black, liquid make-me-not-a-zombie-sauce (which was delicious, might I add). The conversation drifted from newly purchased records from the local record store to politics and the insanity that’s the United States right now, and then went all over the place from there, before, tada! Out walks the little lady, gorgeously disheveled with that I-just-woke-up snarl going on, but still the most beautiful woman I’ve ever set eyes on.

I absolutely have to sit back in awe for a minute here at how curious it is that we can get along so, as we do, because frankly, it’s quite awesome. I mean, he and I really never have problems, have never had a disagreement or argument, there isn’t a lurking suspicion or fear of losing her to the other party, or even the feintest hint of competition between us, we just hang out like any two friends would when its the two of us.

Midday Workday…

After that we all retired to go our separate ways and gear up for work after about 67 ounces of coffee, I began to work, he left for work, and she came in to my bedroom to give me a kiss before work. I know what you’re thinking, “BORING!” I actually mention all of this to point out the casual and relaxed nature of the dynamic, which is opposite from many (most?) two-party dynamics that I’ve been in. We all get along and live regular, ordinary lives that aren’t filled with insanely wild sex orgies that would make the Emperor Caligula blush in his tunic or anything, we’re ordinary people living ordinary lives together, as roommates, friends, and a rather interesting dynamic of partnership.

She had a break midday and came to spend some time with me, we spent about an hour of time in my bedroom (huh huh, huh huh) and then decided on Taiwanese for lunch, so we headed to a spot and talked about our aspirations, dreams, goals, and what’s going on in our respective lives, all while laughing over some ridiculous YouTube videos. It was quite the afternoon.

I’ll make another footnote here and say that for some people, it’s extremely difficult for their partner to be away from them for an extended period, and to those people, I feel for ya, I really do, if its hard on you. We’re the total opposite, and come and go — sometimes with one another — as we please, so in a sense we have total liberty in our arrangement and all interactions are voluntary. He and I don’t sleep with other partners out of choice, not some looming sense of obligation or because she would be jealous. Again, that’s just how it is and how we’re all comfortable and have individually chosen to be.

Evening.

She returned to work at her office, as did I (at the house) and he came home to start cooking a dish that she would later continue upon her arrival, and once she got back, we all sat and joked for a bit and decided we’d continue our series on Netflix that we have going on — yes, we actually have series that we watch together, all three of us, much like other couples do. In fact, the entire set up is based in maturity, caring, love, and mutual respect, and there isn’t some big dividing line between he and I, a major point to emphasize.

Tonight will be The Haunting of Hill House on Netflix that the three of us will indulge in, and seeing as the husband isn’t feeling well, she’ll probably pop into my room for a few hours or for the night, and we’ll do things just like any other couple would.

All in all, our relationship(s) are the most low-maintenance relationships I’ve been a part of; I think most people have the idea or notion that the more parties that become involved, the more complicated things become, which definitely is not the case. For starters, when one of us is going through some personal issue, like everyone does, there are two parties to console and care for that person, rather than just one. And speaking of responsibilities, another massive benefit to our dynamic, is that we don’t have one person who’s responsible for fulfilling all of our needs and wants — some things each of us can do better than the others, and we’re all okay with that. It’s acceptable, to me, to reach out to various people for various things, and establish different connections with different people for different reasons — some of our friends are funny, others are intelligent, some of us relate to us on a deeper level where our passions dwell, and again, that’s just the way it is.

If you’ve made it this far, I both applaud you and thank you.

© 2019; Joe Duncan. All Rights Reserved