A Coworker Used Workplace Resources to Obtain My Phone Number
He did not have my consent
“How did you get my number?” I typed as I stared at my phone in disbelief.
I was typing in response to a message I’d just received from a coworker. I was selective with who I gave my phone number to, so I know I hadn’t given it to him and forgotten about it. In fact, I didn’t think I’d shared my phone number with anyone from work, so I knew none of my other coworkers could have given it to him. I also doubted that management would have given him my phone number since there was no reason for him to contact me outside of work.
“I got it from the computer after you got your oil changed,” he replied. The computer he was referring to was one that we used to input customer information so that we could contact them if needed.
I immediately felt uncomfortable and would have blocked him, but my phone didn’t have that option. My male coworker who was texting me was old enough to be my father, and he’d used workplace resources to obtain my phone number. I realized that if he had my phone number, he could also have my address. I was living alone, so I walked downstairs and made sure the deadbolt was firmly in place.
I can still remember my heart pounding in my chest as I wondered if I should tell anyone that this man had my address, in case he came over. I’d suddenly gone from feeling safe in my apartment to feeling trapped within its walls. What gave him the right? Had he done this to other coworkers and customers?
My coworker and I got along well enough at work, but even if he had asked me, I wouldn’t have felt comfortable giving him my phone number. I didn’t think it was appropriate for him to be texting me outside of work when I was so much younger than him. I also didn’t have an interest in speaking to him outside of work, nor did we have anything in common aside from our shared workplace.
“Why?” I asked. I didn’t understand why he thought it was okay to take my phone number like that and to contact me. I’d also never given him any indication that I’d like to speak to him outside of work. Sure, I was nice to him, but I was nice to all my coworkers. I thought I was treating everyone the same and no one else was going to this extreme to contact me.
“Because we’re friends,” he said.
About a week later, he revealed to me that his real reason for contacting me was because he ‘liked’ me but couldn’t tell me that directly because he had a wife. He also told me that his wife had cheated on him before. Then he asked me to go see the movie “Beautiful Creatures” with him. I told him I wasn’t interested and politely tried to get him to leave me alone. But even when I lied to him and told him I was seeing someone, that still didn’t work.
He began telling me things, like certain coworkers had crushes on me, which I doubted was true. He also grew hostile towards coworkers I was close with, even using a racial slur when referring to one of them. He began ‘snitching’ on anyone who did anything at work that he didn’t agree with, no matter how small the offense. While he was doing this, he was also attempting to get into management. Luckily, he was never offered a management position, so he never had that kind of power over me. I didn’t speak to him after leaving the company.
I know now that I should have reported him texting me to management when it first happened, but I was afraid of bringing negative attention to myself. I was just 24 at the time and had had nothing like that happen to me before, so I wasn’t sure how to react or what to do. I believed that management wouldn’t be interested in my complaint and that they might even fire me for troublemaking.
Now, though, I would rather have a company fire me than allow one of their employees to make me feel harassed and uncomfortable.
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