A Compliment That Will Please Any Partner
Ever feel that the person with whom you have a relationship responds more negatively to criticism than positively to complements?
Humans are forever trying to unlock the mystery of how to endear themselves to each other.
The mystery of how to become intellectually attractive to someone usually remains locked until we discover the right key. Often we’re too old by then to take advantage of our newly acquired knowledge..
Oh, I know — there are books written about such things.
People, go out and invest hard earned money in a life long study of what to say and when to say it.
To this day, I don’t think anybody I ever knew had it figured as well as my old college buddy, Warren; a 280 pound freshman defensive tackle on the football team.
Not even our professor — Dr.Richards
Embedded in the core curiculum at the University of Delaware was a class called Family and Marriage 101. It was a requirement for PhysEd majors so there was always a predominance of jocks gracing the chairs in Dupont Hall where the course was offered. Students have said jokingly; classes in F & M 101 had probably been offered to PhysEd maiors at the university since1867.
That was the year the year the school was designated one of the nation’s historic Land Grant colleges.
Dr. Richards had been the only professor who had taught the subject to students since then — it seemed. No one connected with the university can remember him not being there and his identity was intertwined with that odd one credit course.
It was given in a single semester and it was usually taken in a student’s freshman year.
The syllabus described it as offering a combination of comprehensive family planning and emotional preceptivity to family members.
Sex and Sensitivity: is what most of the college kids called it.
Dr. Richards had his own way of presenting the material. He divided the semester into halves (like a football game).
The first half was devoted to the physical interactions among the family members. The sex and the family planning part.
Most of the scholars who signed up for the course felt they had the sex aspect pretty well down as freshmen in college.
And they probably did; as well as anyone does at any age — I guess.
The second half was more physiological ; methods of attracting and maintaining a long term emotional relationship with your family.
Grading for the course was unique to Dr. Richards. Your degree of merit was awarded primarily on an oral evaluation of what you learned throughout the semester. There were no quizzes or tests of any kind.
My guess is that Dr. Richards had been a professor, teaching the same course for so long that the administration figured they let his idiosyncratic grading methods slide. Besides, he had to be retiring soon and — everyone loved him in spite of his curmudgeon demeanor.
We all survived the first half of the course, the sex and family planning part. Dr Richards didn’t overly instruct. The students pretty much threw around what we osmoted from our bumbling high school sex experiences.
Dr Richards chimed in occasionally with antiquated warnings about using birth control.
We all decided we learned, basically — -little to nothing.
The second half was more challenging. Dr Richards assigned us books and articles; most of which he wrote.
They were filled with old fashioned practical self help information many of us equated with our parents behavior.
By way of limited example; actual suggestions of compliments to please your partner, scripted:
You’ve got such nice eyes, lips, teeth, hair,
I trust you,
You’re not like any one else,
You’re good at what you do,
I’m better when I’m with you,
You’re sexy,
You look amazing,
You are my favorite person to spend time with
Corny?
Effective?
Not Aristotle, not Socrates— Dr Richards.
We all survived.
Our personal evaluation of Family and Marriage 101 rolled around before we could all imagine.
The only prep any of us made for the oral evaluation of how the course effected our existence was perfunctory at best. We all knew the only way to a gentleman C was to make Dr. Richards feel good about the job he did instructing us. Not particularly hard to do if you parroted his philosophy.
Any grade higher than C would make the Earth move.
Students complained about that fact all the time.
Let me explain the setting of this unique experience.
We students sat in the twenty or so seats facing the front of the classroom where Dr Richards was seated behind his desk — facing us.
The student giving the evaluation of the course and its personal benefits was required to stand. His/her/other’s speech was directed to Dr.Richards.
The professor was an exacting judge and it was reputed to have been years since anyone had earned anything close to an A in his one credit course.
The old man’s facial features were hidden behind a full mustache. His expression appeared to never change.
The student who was speaking had no idea what grade he/she /other would be awarded by any expression that might otherwise be read on Dr. Richard’s poker face.
No body language give-a-ways either.
I gave a suitably benign but sufficiently obsequious evaluation which I hope would allow me to slide into home base with a C.
Warren was last student to speak. All 280 pounds of potential football frenzy stood up facing Dr. Richards.
And he said:
With all due respect to you, Dr. Richards; this course has been bullshit! There’s only one way to get along with your partner.
Everybody’s partner.
No list.
A person’s needs change throughout life.
People change.
Human nature doesn’t.
Dr Richard’s strait out of Mount Rushmore face wrinkled its brow in disaproval.
Warren went on:
Simply; complement your partner on what they are not.
he paused then added:
But do it sincerely.
I think I saw Dr. Richard’s lips curling up in the only version of a rare smile that he was able to register. With his mustache on top, his mouth formed a perfect upsidedown A.