A Clean Break
It happened at a bar. The likeliest of places for me to run into her. It was the one with the dim lights and the dartboard in the corner alley. Bluefish, I think they called it. One of the bouncers there sold coke so the crowd was never dull but not a lot of class there either. At this point in my life, this particular bar had become my spot. Not because of the coke, although that certainly helped, because it was easy to get lost and be lost there. Everyone in that place wanted to be there. We were all completely lost in it together.
At least, I was until I saw her. She saw me first because I could feel her stare before I saw her. I remembered that feeling. Still do.
Jimmy was talking to her at the end of the bar. Poor bastard. Probably thought he was going to get an easy lay. Nora isn’t like that, though. She has to string you along first. Good old game of cat and mouse. We were both firm believers that the chase is better than the catch. That’s probably why we split up so much.
This last time was different. We both agreed that it wasn’t going to work out anymore. We never ended it that way before. It was usually me leaving her to sleep with someone else. Or because I got caught sleeping with someone else. She wasn’t perfect either. I knew there had been a few other guys, mostly when we were broken up.
We hadn’t been together for two years, which was the longest amount of time we had ever been apart. Every time we broke up it was hard but not like the last time. I could see it in her eyes, she was done. We both were but she was always holding on before. She knew I would always come back and I knew that she was always going to be there for me. But not the last time.
She shacked up with this guy that she waited tables with down by the river. Not even two weeks after we called it quits and she was posting pictures of them together online. Real lovey dovey and shit. Tore my heart out. First time a girl had done that to me. Only time really.
It was for the best though. Nora and I were toxic for each other. Our relationship consisted of booze, weed, sex, and screaming at each other. Not necessarily in that order. She would get mad at me for the strangest reasons sometimes. Anything really. One time she came running out in the middle of a party, just screaming because I left the toilet seat up. Arms flailing, calling me every name under the sun.
Another time she got so mad at me she tried to leave the bar we were at but it was packed because there was a band playing inside. Since she couldn’t get to the front door, she climbed the fence on the back patio. She almost made it too, but her hand slipped and she fell off. She landed so hard she broke her arm. Spent the night in the hospital and listened to her curse at the doctors and nurses. Then when we get in the car the next morning to drive her home she starts up with me again. Picks right up at the argument that got her so mad at me the night before in the first place. She was a bit off but I didn’t mind. Some people told me I liked it. They may have been right.
It wasn’t all bad. We did have a lot of fun together. We were at a backyard bonfire once and we got so drunk we took all the patio furniture on the side of one street and switched it out with the houses on the other side. Stole a bunch of wind chimes that night too. Real fun stuff that night was. I think that was the first time I fell in love with her.
But it had soured through the years due to the fighting and the cheating and the general intake of drugs and booze. Honestly, it was doomed from the start. Which was a shame but we played the cards we had and we were shitty card players.
I finished my drink and waved the bartender over. By the time I was done ordering another one, she was in the stool beside me. Without looking at me she leaned in.
“So how are you?” she asked.
“I’m good, Nora.”
She waited for me to say more but I couldn’t. I didn’t have much to say, much that I wanted to say anyway. I had been playing the conversation in my head for two years and I didn’t even really want to do it after all. I smiled. That’s when she turned and looked at me.
“I see you’re with someone.”
“I am.”
“Ya’ll seem happy.”
“We are.”
“Leah, right? That girl from the Broken Glass.”
“Yeah.”
“I always liked her.”
“Yeah…look, Nora, I, I’m not really trying to do this.”
“Do what?”
“…I don’t know what I’m trying to say…”
“I don’t understand why we can’t just be friends. I mean, I’ve checked in on you a bunch of times and you never text back. You were such an important part of my life and I don’t want to just completely pretend that you weren’t.”
“Yeah, I know. I just, I just don’t want to be friends, like, I’m good the way we left it.”
“You’re a fucking asshole, Charles, you know that, right? I see nothing has changed. Nothing at all.”
I picked my glass up and drank. She was wrong. A lot had changed this go around.
“Look, I wish we could be friends but it’s just not something I can do right now,” I said.
She stood up and got loud. She always did.
“Why the fuck not, Charles? I know it ended weird but I’m with someone, you’re with someone, we’re both happy, I don’t see what makes this so hard for you.” She sat down and lowered her voice, “It’s not like it’s going to be weird.”
I stared into my drink for a moment. There wasn’t going to be an easy way out of this one. There never is though.
“I know, Nora. I get what you’re saying, I do. But I can’t do this. It took a lot of hard work for me to forget you. And I can’t just throw all that away. I can’t forget that.”
I finished my drink and stood up. As I reached for my wallet I glanced at her face. Tears began to run down her cheeks. Slow tears. I put some bills on the bar and pushed in my stool. She wiped her face off with her sleeve and glared at me. I put my hand on her shoulder and began to say something but I stopped. There was no need to go any deeper. Better to leave it clean.
I stepped out of the bar and began my walk home. The streets were busy and I felt a dry cool in the air. I passed a bum who asked me if I could spare some change. I gave him a few dollars. We all needed something. I turned at the corner and made my way to the house.
On the way home I stole a wooden wind chime from someone's front porch.
For old times sake.
.
.
