A Chinese Parable about Fish That Helps You Get Through a Breakup

Summary

The parable by Zhuangzi suggests that it's better to let go of a failing relationship and move on separately than to struggle in vain to keep it alive.

Abstract

Zhuangzi's ancient Chinese parable tells the story of two fish that keep each other moist with their saliva after their pond dries up, symbolizing a relationship where both parties are clinging to something that is no longer sustainable. The moral of the story is that sometimes, the most loving and self-respecting act is to recognize when a relationship has ended and to part ways, allowing each person to find happiness and fulfillment independently. This aligns with Taoist philosophy, which advocates for following the natural flow of life and prioritizing one's own well-being, even if it means being perceived as selfish. Letting go is presented as a courageous step towards personal growth and happiness, rather than a failure or a lack of love.

Opinions

The parable is not about the nobility of self-sacrifice but rather about the futility of trying to maintain a relationship that is beyond repair.
It emphasizes the importance of acknowledging the end of a relationship and moving forward without prolonging mutual suffering.
Zhuangzi's Taoist perspective encourages embracing a carefree mindset and aligning with the natural course of life, including the end of relationships.
Letting go is seen as an act of self-love and a necessary step to prioritize one's own needs and happiness.
The concept of love is expanded to include giving space and time for healing and growth, suggesting that a breakup can be a positive new beginning.

Words of wisdom from Zhuangzi.

The ancient Chinese philosopher Zhuangzi once told a story:

“A pond dried up, leaving two fish stranded on the dry land. They stayed together and kept spitting their saliva onto each other’s bodies, so they could use the moisture to stay wet and alive on land. It is better if they just decide to forget about one another and swim towards separate rivers and lakes.”

— Translation of the text “泉涸，魚相與處於陸，相呴以溼，相濡以沫，不如相忘於江湖” from “Zhuangzi : Inner Chapters : The Great and Most Honoured Master” by the author.

This is not a parable honoring selfless behavior and how noble it is to sacrifice for your loved one. It expresses the sorrowful feeling of holding onto a relationship that was already broken, where both sides are exhausting their energy to keep the love alive — the fish were better off going their separate ways than struggling to keep each other alive.

When both sides in a relationship already gave their all to maintain the love, but it still doesn’t work out, it is time to let go of the bond and put a pause to the suffering.

As a Taoist, Zhuangzi believed in pursuing a carefree mindset in life. He believed that we should follow the natural course of life and go along with the cosmic arrangements of the universe. That means acknowledging it when a relationship ended and stopped serving you, then letting it go. If being selfish means finding your happiness, it’s perfectly fine to do it.

Letting go is something that takes a lot of work, but it is not a bad thing. It means prioritizing your needs over saving a relationship that has already sunk. It forces you to re-evaluate how unhealthy your relationship is, and think realistically about what makes you happier in the long run.

You don’t end things because you stopped loving your partner, you end it because you recognize that loving yourself comes first.

Besides, love for your partner comes in many forms:

Allowing the other person space to breathe is love.

Allowing the other person time to heal and grow is love.

If you are willing to see it the Taoist way, a breakup can be a beautiful beginning.