A Cautionary Tale of Irresponsible Pet Purveyors, Injured Children, and a Marriage in Shambles

Ok, the marriage was just momentarily strained, and not actually dying.

The chaos is for real. One kid is bleeding, all three (plus a visiting friend) are screaming, and my marriage is crumbling as two ferocious guinea pigs chitter and rage at each other.

This is their world, and we are caught in the crosshairs of their bitter rivalry that has lasted at least the last week with no signs of letting up. Two brothers, 5 months old, have let their filial love fade into the dusty annals of history over a dispute regarding the control of a hay feeder. Now our floors are covered in stray hay, strands of guinea pig fur, and the wood shavings that make up their bedding.

It wasn’t always like this. Oh no. They were once inseparable, chasing each other around the cage, snuggling together at night, and squeaking at each other with delight and affection. They were bonded, I was informed by the young pet store worker. And it would be a tragedy to separate them.

My kids had immediately fallen in love with these rodents, watching in awe as they played and scampered about in their glass-enclosed cage. We were only in the store to pick up specialty cat litter for our finicky felines. Obviously, we had to stop and admire all the birds, hamsters, and fish. That day they just happened to have some guinea pigs.

They were so fucking adorable. And my husband had taken the oldest kid to the same store two years before and came home with a parakeet. The twins deserved something special too.

I am not an impulsive shopper. I swear to the universe or whatever being/entity/supernatural thing you happen to believe in.

But… I couldn’t help it. My resolve was weak. Their beady little eyes and tiny paws holding treats as they nibbled away were too much for me. And despite trying to manage our time and money better, I blurted out that we’d love to buy the two cute brothers.

My husband was/is not thrilled.

We can talk about the ethics of pet ownership for hours- about how one should be prepared for this responsibility and do the proper research, and maybe have a proper habitat set up before purchasing pets. We can debate the ethical practices of breeders and pet sellers and whether or not we should even indulge in this sort of husbandry.

And I agree- I should have prepared better.

I grew up with all sorts of animals at a time when information about the best way to raise and care for these pets was not readily available. We did the best we could, but there wasn’t as much moral judgment regarding pet ownership. Hell, dogs were not even considered to be people way back then.

I’m not advocating that we should go back to those days. But I do miss the days of anonymity when we could cry ourselves to sleep over our mistakes instead of fighting with strangers on the internet about what terrible guinea pig owners we are if we don’t rush the little creatures to the nearest emergency veterinary clinic over every slight grievance.

Before you judge me- I once rushed our parakeet to the vet a few towns over because I was concerned that he wasn’t thriving. On the vet’s advice, I placed him in a Tupperware container (with holes in the top- we aren’t monsters) since his cage is too big to transport him in. A hundred and fifty dollars and a clean bill of health later, I was left wondering if the emotional trauma he suffered was worth it.

We did numerous things wrong with these little guys. These are animals that are inherently prey in the wild, and our house is loud and filled with kids, friends, and other creatures. The kids were so excited for these little guys to be a part of it all, that we rushed the acclimating process.

We chased them around with little hands and roaring voices, and forced them to hang out before they trusted us.

On the day of the attack, we had set up a pen for them to run around in and get exercise. The oldest kid and a friend were sitting quietly with them. One of the twins burst into the room, followed by the barking dog, startling the piggies. The guineas took out their fear on each other, and my oldest tried to separate and protect them- getting caught in the middle of two rodents attempting to bite and scratch each other.

Her hand suffered some abrasions as a result.

So now I have a bandaged kid, and a new cage for the guineas that allows for them to be separated as needed.

The kids have all declared their forgiveness of the creatures and have decided that we need to work harder and learn everything we can about these beings that are now a part of the chaos that is our household.

Am I filled with regret over this impulse purchase?

Yes.

Would I do it again?

Hell no.

Will I do my best to care for these extremely messy, loud, affectionate little guys?

Absolutely.

Do I think pet stores should require you to wait a day or two before releasing animals into the care of ignorant humans to allow time for the barest amount of prep and research?

Yep.

But then we would never have purchased them. Because the pet trade is not based on the ethical rearing of animals, and there is no profit in people making responsible choices.

So now Starlight and Dolphin have a home with us. We are imperfect, but attempting to give them all they need to thrive. We will care for them, keep learning about them, and avoid internet message boards filled with rabid guinea pig owners waiting to pounce on each and every mistake.

If you like reading about animals, please check out Patricia Timmermans and her stories about her amazing guide dog Cooper!

Or check out Ariel Fabrega’s touching story about her own dog’s bout with illness!

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