A candle in your…

I want to say categorically that I won’t comment on any of these silly rumours that have been going around about Bryan Adams and I. It’s all just so embarrassing.

Sitting in my kitchen this morning I’ve been helping Rainbow, who has decided she needs to candle her ear. Now, before I go any further I have to say that I miss heard that when first she talked to me about her ear candles.

“Why would anyone put a candle in their…”

“No, Fiona! It’s ear candling! You know, using a candle to clean out your ear. Besides, if I was going to do that, I’m not sure I’d be asking for your help!”

“Why do you want to candle your ear then?” I asked, in all innocence.

“I had an abusive phone call,” said Rainbow.

“Who from?” I replied.

“The Crisis Line,” she said and then added, “They were very unkind. I just want to wash them out of my ears completely. They said I was a waste of their time. Jerry said I mustn’t speak to him again.”

“You know them on a first name basis?” I asked.

“It was very insulting. There should be a law about people calling and being so rude.”

“I thought they didn’t do outbound calls at the crisis line.”

“Well, that’s not the point,” said Rainbow petulantly.

Anyway, that’s how I came to be lighting an ear candle as Rainbow lay on her side on the kitchen table. As the wick burns down there’s a steady suction which draws out something disgusting into the ear candle. It’s all very odd. Rainbow believes it cleanses her ears of bad energy. I was more than happy to help with this idiocy. It gave me a chance to catch up with Rainbow.

“And how’s the training going?” I asked.

“Oh, my professor for the counselling studies is so handsome. I think he uses that coconut shampoo on his hair. I was doing this exercise in class, around interview technique, and I smelled him. Delicious,” said Rainbow with a far away look in her eye.

“I can see the world of therapy will never be the same,” I murmured. “A think they may want you to know a little more about psychology than the type of shampoo your professor uses, if you’re going to be a therapist.”

“If you ask me most of the students there should be in therapy, not training to provide therapy,” said Rainbow.

I was unsurprised.

She continued, “…and that’s not all. The more I get to know my class mates, the more I think I’m the only sane one there.”

“And yet,” I said, “You’re the one lying on my kitchen table, with a candle in your ear having your brains sucked out.”

At that moment the thundering sound of Sylvester’s motorcycle rolled up the road as he turned into the driveway.

“Whispering Death has arrived,” I said to Rainbow.

The candle had burned down by now, and I took the cone shaped thing that contained all that bad energy and disposed of it.

“Oh,” Said Rainbow. “That feels so much better. Yes, I am free of that bad energy. I feel I can live again.”

And with that the back door opened and Sylvester entered.

“Would you two girls like to have a roll in the garden?” said Sylvester, holding out two freshly baked fresh rolls with cheese and ham and tomato.

“Oh, Sylvester,” I said. “You really can be quite course. But yes. I’m sure we would.”

😊

Fiona